webnovel
PotatoTrain
PotatoTrainLv125yr
2020-01-27 12:33

Read through the first 56 chapters, the story was nice & definitely had potential, but the lack of editing (especially in the early chaps) makes it somewhat difficult to get really absorbed into the novel itself. There were also some minor inconsistencies with in game data related things, but I'll put that down to grammar and editing too. Just somewhat sad I didn't really feel hooked enough on the story to want to continue reading after chapter 56 when the paywall hit. Thanks for a decent attempt author ❤ but honestly, please go back through the previous chapters and just run it through Microsoft Word or something just so it's a smoother read for us.

Liked by 9 people

LIKE
empty img

No replies. Be the first!

Other Reviews
TFH
TFHLv6
BravoEchoVictor
BravoEchoVictorLv4
Ibuprofen
IbuprofenLv12

Needs a tonne of work, props to the author and I wish him/her the best of luck. I must say, the first chapter was imho, freaking terrible. It was all over the place, nonsensical mish mash of all the best stuff someone could think of for a modern day mc slapped together into an abomination called Michael. I seriously could not bring myself to read another chapter, I dont say this to discourage the author, it's hard to write! I understand that it isn't easy. This book needs some serious editing and the author needs to just sit and relax a bit, your mc never has to be the everything guy! The best things about characters in novels arent their perfections but their imperfections! All their flaws make them come alive and make your readers empathise with them through their journey! The best thing you can do for your audience is to make them always think about the qualities of our creations that resonate with them! Connecting with them makes your story stand out from the rest of the monotonous garbage that litters this app. You should (If you haven't already but suggesting by the hazardous writing that feels like its come straight from your head to being published) brain storm ideas, the direction you want to go, important antagonists and/or ideas for ones to come! Major turning points in your story that will affect your mc in major ways! These sort of plot points are needed so you can have some sort of direction to love in otherwise it becomes a mess, something that becomes harder to fix the longer you go. Never start the fillings before you've conquered your outline and outlook of where you want your story to go! You may not read this but I seriously hope this helps if you do kind regards

GodharemZ
GodharemZLv13
Hayato_Shinohara
Hayato_ShinoharaLv10

So I know the author is extremely sensitive in hearing negative reviews, but I have to be honest. As much as the premise does to serve the fans with things they (including myself) would like (such as VRMMO concepts, Romance, Strong powers etc.) It has a very important issue of execution. From the first chapter, I can quote what others have been saying which boils down to it "being all over the place". It tells us what is going on rather than showing, but in a very loose method. It does not keep a focus and ultimately, becomes uncomfortable to read. Each chapter should have a purpose. The *flow* and *transitioning* of each sentence and paragraph should be strong and easy to follow through. What I would advise is for the author to look at *how* other authors write their books. Yes, I say "how" becasue I feel that the writing style needs to change. It can get exhausting, especially if a lot of chapters have been completed. Let's say you learned a lot from other books and finally came up with a better style – it'd take a long time to fix all of it. I understand. However, if that's the case I would get an editor to help you out. There's plenty of authors who would do that in the discord for Webnovel/RoyalRoad. For other works, I'd analyze how Sword Art Online, Rising of the Shield Hero or Library of Heaven's Path wrote their chapters and their style of conveying their messages to their audience. Plot wise, make sure when writing a scene to imagine how the readers will feel about that scene when comparing it to the *previous chapters*. For example, if the main cast fought and won against a guild of people but then suffers against several weaker hunters later on, there should be a reason *why* they are struggling in the very least, or else it will leave them confused. Overall, great job with nearly 3 million views and good luck with the rest! 👍🏻

Vayne_0688
Vayne_0688Lv2
Related Stories

Online Game: You Call Him A Newbie?

# VR With the invasion of foreign races, the online game, Divine Realm, fused with reality and caused the real world to become digitalized. Everyone could awaken their own talent and raise their levels and strengths inside Divine Realm to defend themselves against foreign races. During the invasion, Lin Feng, a divine level expert of the Dragon Country, was betrayed and murdered by Qianye Yuan, the divine level guardian of the Island Country. After his death, Lin Feng woke up and realized that he had reincarnated back to the time just before he entered college, a day before the talent test for the Divine Realm game. He had awakened the SSS-grade talent, All Methods Known, that no one had ever seen before. He could master the abilities of every class and could use experience points to level up his abilities. To make it even better, there was no growth limit for his abilities. [Jade Emperor’s Immortal Body: Double all basic attributes with each level up.] [Space Traveller: Able to move freely through spaces (500 + 50% magic attack) x Skill Level / Effect Range.] [Frozen Ice Shard: Launch an ice spear. The ice spear will explode after hitting an enemy, causing 200% magical damage to the enemy. The ice shards will spread out and damage all enemies within a 30 meters radius, causing 80% magical damage to the enemies. Enemies hit by the skill will be affected by a 50% speed reduction for 1 minute.] [Blazing Tempest: …]

I'm Nine Barrel · Games
2.6
736 Chs

New Eden: Live to Play, Play to Live

In a world of constant competition, one man aims for the top. In this new genre VRMMORPG, he plans on becoming the strongest at all costs. The classes, the races, the starting zones, everything is a mystery in 'New Eden'. This game is coming out without a shred of details. The only thing that was promoted was the freedom of skill choosing. Our protagonist Alexander, gamer tag Astaroth, has always dreamt of becoming an E-Sports athlete. His parents supported his dream, but they are no longer of this world. He fully intends on making it in this new game, if not for him, then at least to honor their memory. With no idea how he wants to play his character, Alexander chooses the most mysterious starting race. Will this be his road to success or his downfall? The game assistant certainly thought the latter. "Do as you wish, young adventurer. I only wish to add this. Do not come back with complaints when you realize you have made the wrong choice," the elf said, looking at him with clear hatred. "We will see about that," Alexander flatly replied. "I love challenges," he added. "Very well!" the elf harrumphed. "Have the adventure of your lifetime, as short as it will last," he sarcastically added. Ahead of him lies an uncertain path, filled with trials and hardships. But one thing is clear in his eyes. He will become the strongest player in the game, even if he must step over mountains of corpses to do so. Over are his days of working hard for nothing, it's make or break now! I now have a discord where you can talk with other readers and me. There are also channels to discuss new weapons; characters; classes; or monsters that you might want to design and see incorporated in the story. I will always give credit to the person that created said thing, rest assured. The link is https://discord.gg/68kPqbSFrN

Galanar · Games
4.5
1107 Chs