webnovel
HaremQueen
HaremQueenLv46yr
2019-03-04 03:01

I can’t read this..there are so many problems. Not only is the story extremely cringy, the characters talk as if they are all giving speeches, the paragraphs aren’t spaced properly, random sh*t that don’t make any sense keep on happening and I only read up to the second chapter so I can only imagine what will happen in future chapters. The grammar is excusable since the author already stated that English isn’t his first language. The story doesn’t make any sense, even for a fanfic. It just feels overwhelmingly forced overall.

Liked by 75 people

LIKE
Replies11
Leixein
LeixeinAuthor

I am using the setting from the original fanfic which titled "change of a dragon" that can be found at fanfic.net And as for the spacing yeah... the first 10 chapter is jam packed but after that its starting to get better 😅 it was my first time writing a novel you see so i dont know when to give spacing and stuff like that. But as time goes on i get tips from my readers and i improved my writing along the way 😉. I had no time to fix the early chapters yet because its gonna take a while to fix them all 😅 and if i used 1 day to fix them its quite possible but there wont be any new chapter on that day which some readers doesnt want to. And true as for the story... uhhh i think its a bit logical considering how rias personality is, you know shes a spoiled brat right 🤣. And maybe you will understand what i mean if you read the original fanfic 😆. But thx for the review 😉 at least you give proper review rather than just random words with 1 star 😅.

HaremQueen
HaremQueenLv4

I can completely understand if it’s Rias. She always came to me as a manipulative sl*t in the anime so I hated her. But the others!? Especially Asia!? That’s where I draw the line.

Leixein:I am using the setting from the original fanfic which titled "change of a dragon" that can be found at fanfic.net And as for the spacing yeah... the first 10 chapter is jam packed but after that its starting to get better 😅 it was my first time writing a novel you see so i dont know when to give spacing and stuff like that. But as time goes on i get tips from my readers and i improved my writing along the way 😉. I had no time to fix the early chapters yet because its gonna take a while to fix them all 😅 and if i used 1 day to fix them its quite possible but there wont be any new chapter on that day which some readers doesnt want to. And true as for the story... uhhh i think its a bit logical considering how rias personality is, you know shes a spoiled brat right 🤣. And maybe you will understand what i mean if you read the original fanfic 😆. But thx for the review 😉 at least you give proper review rather than just random words with 1 star 😅.
Leixein
LeixeinAuthor

Asia is kinda inexperienced as well, and as you know she loves to copy the other girls when it comes to Issei case. And she does still love Issei, you can read my latest chapter to see what I mean or you can try to read the original fanfic here's the link. https://***.fanfiction.net/s/13032812/1/The-Change-of-a-Dragon

HaremQueen:I can completely understand if it’s Rias. She always came to me as a manipulative sl*t in the anime so I hated her. But the others!? Especially Asia!? That’s where I draw the line.
HaremQueen
HaremQueenLv4

Nope. Not buying it. I’m already done.

Leixein:Asia is kinda inexperienced as well, and as you know she loves to copy the other girls when it comes to Issei case. And she does still love Issei, you can read my latest chapter to see what I mean or you can try to read the original fanfic here's the link. https://***.fanfiction.net/s/13032812/1/The-Change-of-a-Dragon
Leixein
LeixeinAuthor

🤣🤣🤣

HaremQueen:Nope. Not buying it. I’m already done.
BlackjacK
BlackjacKLv5

You should try it i mean the orginal one it has a nice flow of story.. cool abilities/power.. no gender bender i mean Ddraig are still male.. so their are 3 harem candidate..

HaremQueen:Nope. Not buying it. I’m already done.
Hentai_Senchou
Hentai_SenchouLv6

Asia copied the others because she didn't want to be left behind in the progress of her relationship with issei... because she loved issei... because ISSEI was the one to save her and risk his life for her by charging four, MILLION year old angels, one of which has already killed him, giving him his biggest trauma himself even though he knew her for 1 day... Your characters act like their thoughts on issei are 'Wow! You're no longer a loser! I like you again! Though if you stop being cool we'll leave you again.' You may write about how they regret it, but once they saw someone they liked more than issei they left him with no hesitation. They wouldn't hesitate to leave him again if they found someone they like more than issei again. You can't deny it since even though they 'loved' issei, they enjoyed being with their new man more until issei left and rias lost her precious boosted gear. They really 'loved' him, and also love his new personality that is now 100% different, don't they. I'm not trying to sh!t on your story, but I wouldn't be upset if his personality didn't completely change, yet rias and the others act like they still love him. I would be fine with it if they didn't love him before his personality change. But it seems to me that they're fine sucking off any ghost or demon that wipes out isseis soul and takes his body

Leixein:🤣🤣🤣
EatHerOwt
EatHerOwtLv12

I dropped bec it's cringe and whenever a girl sees him they end up falling in love I dropped when he met nyx and the other girl

Fachi
FachiLv1

Yeah, it doesn't feel like a story it feels like hentai that is only 15% hentai

EatHerOwt:I dropped bec it's cringe and whenever a girl sees him they end up falling in love I dropped when he met nyx and the other girl
Heavenly_Chaos
Heavenly_ChaosLv3

bye🤣

HaremQueen:Nope. Not buying it. I’m already done.
LightNeyer
LightNeyerLv1

This is the problem with harems, almost all of the harem novels are being written by some discord mods that have no life besides their computer and think girls will react in a type of way because someone's handsome and instantly want the MC's c*ck to the point it's just embarrassing to read so in my opinion you shouldn't write harems unless you at least have talked to girls so you can at least somewhat get that girls aren't some wild animals secretly wanting to have s*x any given moment (I hate harems in general even if they're well written but I can see why some people who don't mind harems hate some harem stories)

Other Reviews
AsianLadyBoy
AsianLadyBoyLv13

I love this fanfic. For those of you guys that are hesitating because it has NTR in the description, don't. Like the author said the girls don't f*** the other guys, so it's not that bad. Think of this fanfic as an alternate reality/alternate universe. In the original they lived happily ever after, and in this one they just didn't. If you don't want to hate the original girls, then you should probably not read it because you will. The MC will rebuild his Harem with different women from different worlds. As he trains to get stronger and stronger. The only thing I don't like about the novel. Is when he goes to different worlds, it just takes too got dam long. I understand that the author is trying to build relationships with the future harem members. And like the author said, hes trying not to make it look like the MC is a Pokemon Master. That's just throwing poke balls at the women in capturing them. It's just that he's in a different world chapter after chapter after chapter. Overtime it just doesn't feel like a DxD fanfic anymore. As soon as he starts traveling to different worlds, he goes to one world after another and never really goes back. The author was doing a good job at throwing in dialogue of the DxD world. Like updating us on what was going on with in the DxD world with the MC's disappearance. But so far it seems like he's just hasn't done it since the past couple chapters, and it has sort of lost the DxD fanfic Vibe for me. For me personally I would love less erotic chapters like describing how they're having *** for a whole two chapters. And have less chapters of each World he's traveling to. And throw in more information on whats going on in the DxD world. Another thing is that I don't like that the other DxD characters know about what happened and they hate what the girls did to the MC. But they don't want to punish the girls because they don't want them to suffer, punish them a little bit. Like make the angle a fallen angle. That would have been great. But not much punishment has happened, which is BS in my book. But other than that I love it.

Related Stories

Marvel : Deadpool Is My Best Friend

I am the Family Man in the Marvel Universe! After transmigrating into the chaotic world of Marvel, Alex Ray was in full panic mode. In a universe where a finger snap can erase half of all life, survival without talent—or better yet, power—is nearly impossible. Luckily, he awakened the Friendship System. As long as someone agrees to become his friend or family, Alex can absorb their abilities, attributes, and even gain special rewards! "Congratulations, Host! You are now friends with Deadpool. You've gained: Regenerative Healing Factor!" Now, even if he's chopped into pieces, he'll regenerate on the spot. "Congratulations, Host! You are now friends with America Chavez. You've gained: Multiverse Travel!" Now, he can traverse the multiverse freely, making new allies across dimensions. "Congratulations, Host! You are now friends with Captain America. You've gained: 50-50 Combat Instinct!" Now, every battle has a 50-50 chance—no matter the odds. "Congratulations, Host! You are now friends with Thanos. You've gained: Titan Physique!" Now, his body is nearly indestructible. Armed with the power of friendship—literally—Alex Ray begins his journey through the Marvel Universe in full friendship mode. There are only two kinds of people in this world: My friends and family… and my enemies who didn’t live long enough. -------- Update: 18+ Chapters/Week "The story truly takes off after the gang war arc—around chapter 100—and evolves into something incredible." As the plot unfolds, it dives deep into the Spider-Verse and the Marvel Multiverse, weaving in epic elements from Endgame, God of Stories Loki, Kang the Conqueror, the Council of Kangs, the Council of Reeds, and even Franklin Richards. Expect mind-bending twists with Deadpool breaking the fourth wall, going on a rampage that includes killing everyone... even the authors themselves. --------------- Enjoying the Story? Get Ahead Now! Can't wait for the next twist or epic moment? Join my Patreon and unlock 40+ advanced chapters—read ahead of everyone else! https://www.patreon.com/UK21 Your support means the world to me—thank you so much! ----------------

Uzumaki_Kushina_21 · Anime & Comics
3.5
130 Chs

One Piece:100% Hashirama's Template At The Start.

Shin’ya Kurozawa was just an ordinary guy with an extraordinary obsession. An anime convention, a perfectly detailed Hashirama Senju cosplay, and a heart full of love for shounen universes — it should’ve been the best day of his life. Then came the truck. Cliché? Maybe. But for Shin’ya… it was just the beginning. When he opened his eyes, he was greeted not by angels — but by a floating screen. A gift, Perhaps?: “You have received the Prime Template: Hashirama Senju — the First Hokage.” “Best of luck.” —System Logging Out— That was it. No tutorials. No quests. No guidance. Just raw, overwhelming power… and a whole new world. He was in the One Piece World. Dropped into a world of pirates, sea monsters, and Devil Fruits But with the full power of Hashirama Senju in his prime, he didn't mind. The God of Wood Style had arrived on the Grand Line. Towering forests erupted from the sea. Sea Kings fell before blooming wooden dragons. When the Navy came knocking? He outgrew them. When the World Government whispered of threats? He terrified them. And when Monkey D. Luffy extended a hand and grinned? Shin’ya joined the Straw Hat Pirates Adventure. Brotherhood. Growth. And chaos, beautiful chaos. From island to island, battle to battle, Shin’ya carved a path of legend — not with Devil Fruits, but with chakra-infused might that shattered the rules of the sea. Because the Pirate Era just met a man who could grow forests from nothing, tame beasts with his presence, and reshape the battlefield with a single hand seal. And he's just getting started. --- Also check my previous work "One Piece: Rinnegan is my Golden Finger" ________________________________ Send Powerstones !! Join My P@treon For Advanced Chapters. patreon.com/Zphyr_ __________________________________

Zphyr_ · Anime & Comics
3.3
67 Chs