I can’t read this..there are so many problems. Not only is the story extremely cringy, the characters talk as if they are all giving speeches, the paragraphs aren’t spaced properly, random sh*t that don’t make any sense keep on happening and I only read up to the second chapter so I can only imagine what will happen in future chapters. The grammar is excusable since the author already stated that English isn’t his first language. The story doesn’t make any sense, even for a fanfic. It just feels overwhelmingly forced overall.
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LIKEI am using the setting from the original fanfic which titled "change of a dragon" that can be found at fanfic.net And as for the spacing yeah... the first 10 chapter is jam packed but after that its starting to get better 😅 it was my first time writing a novel you see so i dont know when to give spacing and stuff like that. But as time goes on i get tips from my readers and i improved my writing along the way 😉. I had no time to fix the early chapters yet because its gonna take a while to fix them all 😅 and if i used 1 day to fix them its quite possible but there wont be any new chapter on that day which some readers doesnt want to. And true as for the story... uhhh i think its a bit logical considering how rias personality is, you know shes a spoiled brat right 🤣. And maybe you will understand what i mean if you read the original fanfic 😆. But thx for the review 😉 at least you give proper review rather than just random words with 1 star 😅.
I can completely understand if it’s Rias. She always came to me as a manipulative sl*t in the anime so I hated her. But the others!? Especially Asia!? That’s where I draw the line.
Asia is kinda inexperienced as well, and as you know she loves to copy the other girls when it comes to Issei case. And she does still love Issei, you can read my latest chapter to see what I mean or you can try to read the original fanfic here's the link. https://***.fanfiction.net/s/13032812/1/The-Change-of-a-Dragon
Nope. Not buying it. I’m already done.
Asia copied the others because she didn't want to be left behind in the progress of her relationship with issei... because she loved issei... because ISSEI was the one to save her and risk his life for her by charging four, MILLION year old angels, one of which has already killed him, giving him his biggest trauma himself even though he knew her for 1 day... Your characters act like their thoughts on issei are 'Wow! You're no longer a loser! I like you again! Though if you stop being cool we'll leave you again.' You may write about how they regret it, but once they saw someone they liked more than issei they left him with no hesitation. They wouldn't hesitate to leave him again if they found someone they like more than issei again. You can't deny it since even though they 'loved' issei, they enjoyed being with their new man more until issei left and rias lost her precious boosted gear. They really 'loved' him, and also love his new personality that is now 100% different, don't they. I'm not trying to sh!t on your story, but I wouldn't be upset if his personality didn't completely change, yet rias and the others act like they still love him. I would be fine with it if they didn't love him before his personality change. But it seems to me that they're fine sucking off any ghost or demon that wipes out isseis soul and takes his body
This is the problem with harems, almost all of the harem novels are being written by some discord mods that have no life besides their computer and think girls will react in a type of way because someone's handsome and instantly want the MC's c*ck to the point it's just embarrassing to read so in my opinion you shouldn't write harems unless you at least have talked to girls so you can at least somewhat get that girls aren't some wild animals secretly wanting to have s*x any given moment (I hate harems in general even if they're well written but I can see why some people who don't mind harems hate some harem stories)