webnovel
HaremQueen
HaremQueenLv46yr
2019-03-04 03:01

I can’t read this..there are so many problems. Not only is the story extremely cringy, the characters talk as if they are all giving speeches, the paragraphs aren’t spaced properly, random sh*t that don’t make any sense keep on happening and I only read up to the second chapter so I can only imagine what will happen in future chapters. The grammar is excusable since the author already stated that English isn’t his first language. The story doesn’t make any sense, even for a fanfic. It just feels overwhelmingly forced overall.

Liked by 74 people

LIKE
Replies11
Leixein
LeixeinAuthor

I am using the setting from the original fanfic which titled "change of a dragon" that can be found at fanfic.net And as for the spacing yeah... the first 10 chapter is jam packed but after that its starting to get better 😅 it was my first time writing a novel you see so i dont know when to give spacing and stuff like that. But as time goes on i get tips from my readers and i improved my writing along the way 😉. I had no time to fix the early chapters yet because its gonna take a while to fix them all 😅 and if i used 1 day to fix them its quite possible but there wont be any new chapter on that day which some readers doesnt want to. And true as for the story... uhhh i think its a bit logical considering how rias personality is, you know shes a spoiled brat right 🤣. And maybe you will understand what i mean if you read the original fanfic 😆. But thx for the review 😉 at least you give proper review rather than just random words with 1 star 😅.

HaremQueen
HaremQueenLv4

I can completely understand if it’s Rias. She always came to me as a manipulative sl*t in the anime so I hated her. But the others!? Especially Asia!? That’s where I draw the line.

Leixein:I am using the setting from the original fanfic which titled "change of a dragon" that can be found at fanfic.net And as for the spacing yeah... the first 10 chapter is jam packed but after that its starting to get better 😅 it was my first time writing a novel you see so i dont know when to give spacing and stuff like that. But as time goes on i get tips from my readers and i improved my writing along the way 😉. I had no time to fix the early chapters yet because its gonna take a while to fix them all 😅 and if i used 1 day to fix them its quite possible but there wont be any new chapter on that day which some readers doesnt want to. And true as for the story... uhhh i think its a bit logical considering how rias personality is, you know shes a spoiled brat right 🤣. And maybe you will understand what i mean if you read the original fanfic 😆. But thx for the review 😉 at least you give proper review rather than just random words with 1 star 😅.
Leixein
LeixeinAuthor

Asia is kinda inexperienced as well, and as you know she loves to copy the other girls when it comes to Issei case. And she does still love Issei, you can read my latest chapter to see what I mean or you can try to read the original fanfic here's the link. https://***.fanfiction.net/s/13032812/1/The-Change-of-a-Dragon

HaremQueen:I can completely understand if it’s Rias. She always came to me as a manipulative sl*t in the anime so I hated her. But the others!? Especially Asia!? That’s where I draw the line.
HaremQueen
HaremQueenLv4

Nope. Not buying it. I’m already done.

Leixein:Asia is kinda inexperienced as well, and as you know she loves to copy the other girls when it comes to Issei case. And she does still love Issei, you can read my latest chapter to see what I mean or you can try to read the original fanfic here's the link. https://***.fanfiction.net/s/13032812/1/The-Change-of-a-Dragon
Leixein
LeixeinAuthor

🤣🤣🤣

HaremQueen:Nope. Not buying it. I’m already done.
BlackjacK
BlackjacKLv5

You should try it i mean the orginal one it has a nice flow of story.. cool abilities/power.. no gender bender i mean Ddraig are still male.. so their are 3 harem candidate..

HaremQueen:Nope. Not buying it. I’m already done.
Hentai_Senchou
Hentai_SenchouLv6

Asia copied the others because she didn't want to be left behind in the progress of her relationship with issei... because she loved issei... because ISSEI was the one to save her and risk his life for her by charging four, MILLION year old angels, one of which has already killed him, giving him his biggest trauma himself even though he knew her for 1 day... Your characters act like their thoughts on issei are 'Wow! You're no longer a loser! I like you again! Though if you stop being cool we'll leave you again.' You may write about how they regret it, but once they saw someone they liked more than issei they left him with no hesitation. They wouldn't hesitate to leave him again if they found someone they like more than issei again. You can't deny it since even though they 'loved' issei, they enjoyed being with their new man more until issei left and rias lost her precious boosted gear. They really 'loved' him, and also love his new personality that is now 100% different, don't they. I'm not trying to sh!t on your story, but I wouldn't be upset if his personality didn't completely change, yet rias and the others act like they still love him. I would be fine with it if they didn't love him before his personality change. But it seems to me that they're fine sucking off any ghost or demon that wipes out isseis soul and takes his body

Leixein:🤣🤣🤣
EvilWolf
EvilWolfLv12

I dropped bec it's cringe and whenever a girl sees him they end up falling in love I dropped when he met nyx and the other girl

Fachi
FachiLv1

Yeah, it doesn't feel like a story it feels like hentai that is only 15% hentai

EvilWolf:I dropped bec it's cringe and whenever a girl sees him they end up falling in love I dropped when he met nyx and the other girl
Heavenly_Chaos
Heavenly_ChaosLv3

bye🤣

HaremQueen:Nope. Not buying it. I’m already done.
LightNeyer
LightNeyerLv1

This is the problem with harems, almost all of the harem novels are being written by some discord mods that have no life besides their computer and think girls will react in a type of way because someone's handsome and instantly want the MC's c*ck to the point it's just embarrassing to read so in my opinion you shouldn't write harems unless you at least have talked to girls so you can at least somewhat get that girls aren't some wild animals secretly wanting to have s*x any given moment (I hate harems in general even if they're well written but I can see why some people who don't mind harems hate some harem stories)

Other Reviews
AsianLadyBoy
AsianLadyBoyLv13

I love this fanfic. For those of you guys that are hesitating because it has NTR in the description, don't. Like the author said the girls don't f*** the other guys, so it's not that bad. Think of this fanfic as an alternate reality/alternate universe. In the original they lived happily ever after, and in this one they just didn't. If you don't want to hate the original girls, then you should probably not read it because you will. The MC will rebuild his Harem with different women from different worlds. As he trains to get stronger and stronger. The only thing I don't like about the novel. Is when he goes to different worlds, it just takes too got dam long. I understand that the author is trying to build relationships with the future harem members. And like the author said, hes trying not to make it look like the MC is a Pokemon Master. That's just throwing poke balls at the women in capturing them. It's just that he's in a different world chapter after chapter after chapter. Overtime it just doesn't feel like a DxD fanfic anymore. As soon as he starts traveling to different worlds, he goes to one world after another and never really goes back. The author was doing a good job at throwing in dialogue of the DxD world. Like updating us on what was going on with in the DxD world with the MC's disappearance. But so far it seems like he's just hasn't done it since the past couple chapters, and it has sort of lost the DxD fanfic Vibe for me. For me personally I would love less erotic chapters like describing how they're having *** for a whole two chapters. And have less chapters of each World he's traveling to. And throw in more information on whats going on in the DxD world. Another thing is that I don't like that the other DxD characters know about what happened and they hate what the girls did to the MC. But they don't want to punish the girls because they don't want them to suffer, punish them a little bit. Like make the angle a fallen angle. That would have been great. But not much punishment has happened, which is BS in my book. But other than that I love it.

Related Stories

As Sukuna in Invincible

The Honoured One... A title bestowed upon the one who's pleasure and displeasure matter above all else within the bounds of Heaven and Earth. That is who I have become. Satoru Gojo - The Six Eyes may have claimed this title for himself, declared it to all of Creation and went unchallenged for it for years, till the awakening of the man I have been transmigrated as. I intend to honour that title. Power is meant to be used - to change one's life with. And change it I shall. ---------------------------- (Author note: This guy will be a lot like Sukuna in personality, but not a carbon copy - he will have his own views and thoughts that will contradict canon Sukuna, cause this guy is a transmigrated soul from our world who was thrown into the Invincible world with all of Sukuna's powers. Also, he was geniunely Sukuna in his past life. Romance: Sukuna X Yandere Eve Sukuna is in the body of Megumi (Shadows yet to be tamed) to be as clear as possible :A person from our world, reincarnated as Sukuna in JJK without his memories and then before the fight with Gojo disappeared and reincarnated in Invincible as a guy funnily with the name Megumi Fushiguro and recently remembered all his 3 lives. his memory is a bit convoluted in the beginning that's why he thinks its transmigration. Read the auxiliary chapter for Sukuna's power level compared to this world, because I am taking some vague statements about Sukuna in JJK canon, to make him strong enough to not just be crushed in an instant in a world with Viltrumites. Hope to see you guys soon, Bye!)

Samael_Son_of_Dawn · Anime & Comics
4.4
82 Chs