Sociopathic Ninja

10 advanced chapters (and some bonus if you get it before chapter 5 is out) on my Patreon: Fiction Haven

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Humans; foolish, narcissistic bastards who think they are the best because of the idealism that they hold. They will tell you that you are wrong and pity you for doing things differently from what they do. A devoted Christian will pity an atheist whom they believe will be punished in hell. The good atheist, in turn, will pity a Christian for living their life praying in vain.

Every one of them is true in their own way. None can prove which of them is correct as the answer will be given when they die. At that point, of course, none of them can tell anyone which of them is right. The ridiculous debate wouldn't have happened if they had kept their beliefs to themselves.

While I do believe that my principle is the correct one, I don't preach it to anyone. That is why I am better than the rest of them. At least, that is what I think. I may be being hypocritical, but I think it is fine as I haven't bothered anyone.

"That is so misogynistic of you. Aren't you ashamed of what you said?"

At least, not until this fateful day.

"If you think facts are misogynistic, then you deserve whatever misery you are suffering from."

"Facts? Facts!? You just said women are incompetent and they deserve to be paid less. You discredit every hard-working woman in this world!"

"Sheesh. You are the one being misogynistic, Ma'am. I said that incompetent workers are paid less. It's mindboggling to think that you immediately think I am referring to women. You are a woman yourself, after all."

"Bullshit! You are clearly referring to women when you said that!"

I have never liked attention. Well, not the negative one. That was why I couldn't hold back my scowl in this very situation. Everyone was looking at me. The accursed Karen was putting her life on the line, preaching about how scummy every man was. It was very ironic given that she was only allowed to talk smack thanks to men.

Emancipation and feminism wouldn't have meant shit if the council of men had ignored them. I stand by that notion to this day. I am not saying that women do nothing, but let's be real. Men have been in power. Do you think that if those old geezers didn't have the slightest sympathy toward women, they would give them the right to vote? Of course, not. At least, I wouldn't if I were them.

"Listen, females are recorded to have higher IQ average than males. Females like you make me wonder whether I am unlucky for only meeting the bottom of the barrel or if the survey was done by a retard. Stop projecting your misogyny on me, Ma'am. I don't condone the gender pay gap, but that thing was only mainstream before the Third Wave of Feminism. You lot bitch about it loud enough that no idiot wants to openly do that."

"How dare you keep deflecting your misogyny on me! And look at how you uncovered yourself. The gender pay gap still exists, you misogynistic pig! Women earn 82% of what men earn. That is a valid survey."

"Men have assholes like Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos meanwhile women have bitches like Kylie Jenner who suck dicks to get rich. What do you expect? The average is but an illusion. Five percent of men contribute over 60% to our average salary. This is what makes it seem like we earn more than you guys."

"Then, why am I still paid less at work!?"

"What is your position?"

"I am the chief of the marketing department."

"To whose salary do you compare yours?" Finally, the Karen shut up. "Fucking hell. You guys would have shit done if you had talked less and done more."

Shaking my head, I walked away from the Karen. How did I get into this situation? It was because of a casual remark of mine toward the news. The headline was, as you guessed it, the gender pay gap. I didn't even diss the news station. I only said, "Damn, they are still on about it?" and the goddamn Karen was all over my ass.

I am going to need a warm bath and a cold beer later.

I daydreamed a bit about the comfort my sofa would give me later. It would have been perfect if I didn't hear someone approaching me. Sidestepping, I found a fist swishing past me. The blonde Karen was trying to hit me. Too bad for her, I am a good martial artist. Well, that didn't stop her from shoving me, though.

I let her do that because I believed it would be harmless. Well, it was harmless since it did nothing to me. Unfortunately, a goddamn truck happened to be driving close to the edge of the road. I was thinking about suing the life out of the accursed Karen when the truck hit my body.

Bam!

"Oh my God!"

"Yo, lady, what the fuck!? You just killed the guy!"

It hurt, initially. My ears stopped working after some time and those two remarks were the last thing I heard. I was bleeding. My body felt colder with each passing second, so I gladly embraced the flying sensation. I was optimistic that the next time I woke up, I would be in the hospital with the largest shit-eating grin in the entire world.

That lady would have to empty her pocket to not rot in prison for an attempted murder.

That thought rang in my head, bouncing around the metaphorical room for as long as I could remember. It kept me company in the darkness engulfing me whole. Before long, I felt my sensation returning. I didn't feel comfortable but didn't think much about it. I had just been in an accident, after all.

When I opened my eyes, I was greeted by an unfamiliar ceiling. It was not surprising. I should be in the hospital. I looked around and found that I wasn't. I was in a dilapidated room—a pitiful apartment, I concluded—littered with cups of instant noodles. I sat up, moved my legs over the edge, and then observed my state.

I was fine, however…

"Why the fuck am I so small?"

People call me weird for how I behave. I rarely panic and I think everyone is weird for being easily panicked. At this moment, though, I wished I panicked. I didn't. No matter how weird the situation was, I already accepted it. I was about to stand up and look in the mirror when a splitting headache assaulted my head.

A flurry of memory rushed into my brain. I grabbed my head as I recalled the lonely childhood of a blond kid thirsting for attention. It seemed familiar and dread quickly settled in my stomach. I ran for the bathroom. My feet brought me there on autopilot. Upon seeing the closet, I emptied the contents of my stomach.

Blergh!

"Fuck, my stomach even tastes like ramen!"

Blergh!

After some time, my headache settled down and I stopped vomiting. My body went limp. Drowsiness came over me, making me fall to the floor. Darkness filled my vision. It only got brighter when the noise I heard in the background got clearer. Eventually, I saw a white-haired man sneering down on me. Everything had cleared up, so I could hear what he was saying.

"You are a Demon. That is why the villagers hate you."

"Kagebunshin no Jutsu!"

"Naruto!"

The name woke me up with a start.

"Gah! Please, tell me I am high!"

I clutched my head in frustration before letting it go with a sigh. I couldn't panic or get frustrated for long. Standing up, I looked for a lamp on the table and, fortunately, found one. I looked hard at it, but it didn't waver in the slightest. That means, according to Reddit, I was not hallucinating because of my brain injury.

"I am Uzumaki Naruto, huh?" I mumbled, staring at my reflection in the mirror. "I am cute, all right. I don't look like a killer. Ah, I wonder what a murder would do to my complexion. Should I kill a civilian? No, I can't do that. The Anbu is everywhere in this village."

Sighing, I ended my psychotic rant and looked for an outfit. I had nothing against my jumper—it was comfy—but the color was killing me. Fortunately, I had a loose-fitting black sweatshirt in my wardrobe. Unfortunately, I only had the orange pants to cover my lower body parts. I didn't want to wear shorts.

"All right, what should I do next? Ah, right. Buying food and clothes." Assuming the hand seal that every Naruto fan knew, I exclaimed, "Kagebunshin no Jutsu!"

Four copies of myself appeared after a puff of smoke. It honestly felt weird being stared at by the stoic Naruto, which was myself.

"How high is your IQ?" I asked.

"147," the four clones answered in unison.

"Good. Now I know that you are me. Though I wonder how far our thoughts align." Before my experimental side took over, I instructed, "Use Henge and shop. I hope you know what is best for me."

"Understood."

The clones got out of my apartment once they had disguised themselves. I nodded in appreciation at the display. I liked them. It was to be expected since they were me. Regardless, I had a team placement to attend to, so I departed for the Academy.