Diaosi Taoist priest

In 1993, on the day I was born, the fat nurse carried me to the baby room, but my feet slipped and I fell forward! And crush me down there! If it weren't for Lao Tzu's tenacious vitality, he would have been stoned to death by these more than 200 catties of meat!

Dad is uneducated, and when it comes time to choose a name, he is blinded. At this time, Bruce Lee's "Raptors Across the River" was playing on the TV, so Daddy's inspiration immediately came up, slapped the table and said, "It's called Bruce Lee!" "What a coincidence, my father's surname is Li.

Hand over the birth certificate to the relevant department and give me a household registration. As a result, I don't know which grandson made it, and I was stunned to write Bruce Lee as Zhang Xiaolong! So there was the biggest joke ever in my family register! My father's name is Li Guofu, my name is Zhang Xiaolong, I slot your uncle, which 2B brain-dead account gave me? Have you ever seen a son who doesn't share the same surname as his father? But the family is rural, and the father and mother are uneducated, so this matter will be over.

When I was 5 years old, I was playing with four children in open crotch pants and throwing stones, and as a result, I smashed the glass of Uncle Li's house next door! I swear! The stone that hit the glass of Uncle Li's house was definitely not thrown by me! It was the other four kids who did it! As a result, Uncle Li came out and asked who did it, and the hands of these four grandsons pointed at me at the same time, which is called a tacit understanding! Silence is better than sound here! I'm going to groove, good for you grandchildren, pit me, right? I'll never play with you again! I thought viciously to myself... As a result, my father later lost the glass money and went home to give me a stinky beating.

When I was 6 years old, I walked behind my mother's buttocks, but I forgot that my mother had a habit of closing the door casually, and as a result, my head was caught in the door, and I cried at that time, and my head was swollen like a big-headed monster baby, and it took more than a month to go away.

When I was 7 years old, my teacher didn't let me go from kindergarten to first grade because I confused Chinese pinyin with English letters, and I ended up squatting honorably!

When I was 8 years old, I took out a bottle of Jianlibao drink and shook it in front of other children, but when I opened the pull ring, all the drinks squirted out, making Xiaohui's breasts wet at the same table, and I hurriedly helped her wipe it! As a result, the class bell rang at this time, and the teacher came in, a bald middle-aged man, who looked quite obscene, and saw me rubbing Xiaohui's chest, and shouted loudly: "Let go of that girl!" "

Then they took me to the office and educated me ideologically. Saying that I was precocious, blaspheming female classmates, and having a bad nature, almost didn't expel me. Later, my father gave the grandson two big roosters, and the girl kept me, and said that the death penalty could be avoided, and the living crime could not be escaped, so I continued to squat in the kindergarten for a year.

At the age of 9, I finally graduated from kindergarten! The father burst into tears, and when he saw who told whom: My son has a chance!

At the age of 11, the factory where my father worked was facing closure, and at the critical moment, my father made a move, and the result was to save the entire factory! In order to thank his father, the chairman promoted his father to manager, and let him study with pay, from Chinese pinyin to financial management. If you want to say that this person is really fate, who knew that my father could encounter such a good thing when he came out to work in the countryside?

In the same year, a few children and I went to someone's garden to steal apples, but someone found out and chased after us! Let's run like we can! I don't know what's going on, I'm obviously running at the front, but the dog just took a fancy to me! More than a few other children, they threw me to the ground and bit me wildly! Those grandsons were not righteous enough, and they all ran away! Later, I went to the hospital for several stitches, and I was vaccinated against rabies, and the school was afraid that I would infect my classmates, so I was given a 6-month long vacation, which was longer than the TM summer vacation, which was cool to death!

At the same time, the chairman of Daddy's factory bought a house for my family in the city so that Daddy could go to work. So we moved, and I said goodbye to the grandchildren who had been pheating me for more than ten years!

At the age of 12, my parents are not at home, and I want to wipe the glass and surprise them. As a result, I didn't stand firm and fell straight down! My house lives on the 2nd floor! Just TM live on the 2nd floor! But I broke a leg!

At the age of 13, I ran to the toilet with my elementary school classmates to learn to smoke, and the teaching director suddenly came to the toilet for spot checks! These grandchildren are very experienced, and the cigarette butts are thrown directly into the toilet and flushed, and then the chewing gum is quickly taken out of their pockets and chewed on! Only I was stupid with a cigarette butt in my mouth and smirked at the training director...

At the age of 14, he failed to confess to a girl! Decided to commit suicide by buying a bottle of pesticide! I bought pesticides for 130 yuan from the owner of the pesticide shop, and I drank a toenail and threw up at that time, vomited all night, and collapsed the next morning.

At the age of 15, I looked back and found that my life was full of tragedy, and I committed suicide by buying pesticides for the second time! But this time, I learned wisely and changed to a pesticide store, but after I bought it, I twisted the cap and found that I actually got another bottle!

16 years old, standing under a telephone pole to pee, who knew that the telephone pole was leaking! The paralysis almost electrocuted me! I cried at the time, Nima, I provoked someone, I wanted to pee, and almost lost my life!

At the age of 17, he was admitted to a nearby ordinary high school at his own expense. My report card can be described in a poem: the front is crowded, and the back is me. So if you can be admitted to a self-financed high school, you should burn high incense. Although the grades are poor, the penultimate or something, but after all, I was admitted to high school! Daddy decided to put on a college banquet!

In the same year, my mother bought me a 'Luo Basket 1258', and let me ride to school every day, I have no opinion, the school is not far from home, and I can ride home in about 15 minutes.

I've become more and more proficient on my bike, and now I can ride it like an acrobatic with the handlebars loose. But the unexpected happened! When I let go of the handlebar, I didn't notice a small pebble in front of me, but the front tire rolled up, and I fell directly, my jaw hook fell off, my left arm was broken, and my father and mother rushed me to the hospital for hospitalization.

After seven days in the hospital, his arm was put in a cast, and the hook on his chin was hung back again.

My girlfriend, who had been in prison for three months, came to visit me in the hospital, left a sentence that you are a good person, and left. I said in my heart that you actually want to scold me for being stupid, right, who can bear that his boyfriend's head was caught by the door when he was a child, squatting in kindergarten for two years, falling from the second floor can break his leg, drinking pesticides twice and committing suicide failed, urinating and almost being electrocuted, and riding a bicycle can also hook his chin off a hunk man?

On the day I was discharged from the hospital, the doctor told me that after the chin hook fell once, it would easily fall off again in the future, so he taught me how to connect the chin hook by myself, and told me not to chew too fast when eating, not to speak too fast, not to open my mouth wide and shout, to sing...

Although I have tried to pay attention to this issue, accidents still happen from time to time. Once when I was eating in the cafeteria at noon, my jaw fell off while eating, and my saliva flowed, and the three old ladies on the other side scolded me for stinky bt, stinky hooligans, and I was gone, no matter how bad my vision was, it was impossible to see you three dinosaurs drooling, right? I'm speechless...

Soon, my name spread throughout high school.

In Qingtian No. 2 Middle School, you can not know the first school flower, but you must not know the first joke and Zhang Xiaolong Xiansen.

Anyway, buddy, I'm also a celebrity, and the return rate in school is as high as 90%, everyone is whispering behind my back, and no one in the class wants to make friends with me, it doesn't matter, they don't know Taishan, and they don't notice my macho side at all.

It's mid-October, and by the time school ends in the evening, it's completely dark. On the way home on my bicycle, I noticed a group of people watching something in front of me.

Got into a car accident?

I like to watch the excitement, pushing my favorite basket 1258 to make do with it, and finally squeezed to the front, before I could see the situation clearly, I only heard an old voice trembling and shouting: "Sun, grandson, save grandpa!" "

I saw a scruffy old man lying on the side of the road, holding out his index finger and pointing at me.

I pointed to my nose and asked, "Me?" "

I don't know this old man, but I'm sure he's referring to me! Dude, I've been nodding my back, watching the excitement and picking up a cheap grandfather, this kind of thing is not unusual, and I'm already numb from the devastation.

"That's you! Big grandson! "The old man shouted that is called a kind!

Although I have been memorizing buddy, it doesn't mean that I have a low IQ. I nodded and asked, "Do you know my name?" "

"Zhang Xiaolong." The old man replied quickly and succinctly.

"How do you know?!" I asked, surprised.

At this time, a passer-by next to him said, "Boy, you are a student of No. 2 Middle School, right?" I even pretended not to know my own grandfather, this character is too bad, I want to go to your school and talk to your principal. "

The old man also said: "Eldest grandson, come and help me, grandpa raised you since childhood, you have to be filial to grandpa." "

Be filial to your grandma!

Today is definitely the most memorable moment I've ever had. If I don't help the old man now, I'm likely to be expelled from school, and if I help him, this old guy will probably be a porcelain toucher, and he will rely on me in the future.

With so many onlookers, I had no choice but to go to the old man and help him up. The old man whispered, "Hehe, I'm very confused why I know your name, right?" The proofreading on your chest reveals your identity. "

I was so shocked that I almost didn't let go and threw him back on the ground