Reviews of Distarter of Astral
Distarter of Astral
Bolcurut
- Overall Rate
- Writing Quality
- Updating Stability
- Story Development
- Character Design
- world background
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I have to say, the concept of the author is truly amazing! I really like how the story progresses by killing someone that the MC (Akio). Love that part! Will surely read more of your novel, mate! I do have some few points to point out. The story you wrote mostly has "telling" and few "Showing". It would be awesome if you could describe Aiko's facial expression, how his heart skipped a beat after seeing his parents dead, or the pain surging from his skin. These things helps us, reader, to imagine the scene more than saying they were covered in blood. Although the informal introduction was a bit funny, in formal writing (writing a book), that technique might appear odd. I don't know if this part is a matter of perspective, but I think sticking to formalities such as telling the character from someone else (another character) or an identification card (a subtle introduction) would be preferred than saying it on the spot. Lastly, there are some dialogue tags such as "An old man was seen talking to me." might appear correct, but in a dialogue tag, it sounds confusing. A simple "An old man walked up and said." would do its job since "said" is an invisible dialogue tag. There are few dialogues such as "Can you not." Spoken by the main character might appear force. Although that might appear witty, I think something like "Are you mocking me!" might show anger and hatred towards the creature imitating his parents before they died would bring more emotions. Kudos for the author!
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Alright Let's Begin, 1.Writing quality is bad.It's hard to understand what's going on due time skips and grammatical errors. 2.Story development so far is good. 3.Character design.... how should I put this it is good and bad at the same time(What am I even writing LOL...) 4.Yup, world background is pretty good. The story has potential if executed correctly dude focus on grammatical errors(They Suck) That's all BEST OF LUCK
Well done to the author. Your writing style is different and lovely to read, however it has the potential to reach more readers and admirers. The author adopts an inconsistent approach to grammar and punctuation and would benefit from spacing out their moments of dialogue to provide an even powerful impact.
