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GOD_CREATOR
GOD_CREATORLv136mth
2024-10-23 04:26

Definitely a lot of potential here especially with a full mage build, i just hope that he will not show the full extent of his abilities to anyone and will be a hidden boss behind the scenes like madara otherwise we all know that if a single person grows too strong every ninja village even your own will try to kill you if they can’t control you ( has happened with all uchihas, white fang, all senju, pakura, all uzumaki, even minato arguably).

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TheDreamofSomeday
TheDreamofSomedayAuthor

I'm glad you like to story so far. Any curent critiques?

GOD_CREATOR
GOD_CREATORLv13

It’s just that his current plan to be a sage shouldn’t work right now because no matter how strong you are you are still a human and would eventually die so he should have a different plan to evolve himself somehow. I don’t like when a mc tries to get strong till the age of 25-30 just to have his lifespan end at 65-100 so hopefully you’d have a plan for that. Maybe the limit remover also removes thd limit of cell division on his body, if so you can mention it as it will be good for him to learn healing techniques.

_Harsh_
_Harsh_Lv14

isn't it the same with us ,we try to make as much money as possible till 30-40 then live in retirement and die

GOD_CREATOR:It’s just that his current plan to be a sage shouldn’t work right now because no matter how strong you are you are still a human and would eventually die so he should have a different plan to evolve himself somehow. I don’t like when a mc tries to get strong till the age of 25-30 just to have his lifespan end at 65-100 so hopefully you’d have a plan for that. Maybe the limit remover also removes thd limit of cell division on his body, if so you can mention it as it will be good for him to learn healing techniques.
GOD_CREATOR
GOD_CREATORLv13

This is why it’s even more important to grab the chance when you can even we humans aspire to do great things in hopes to get partial immortality things that future generations a thousand years later will remember us for, to not let our name die out in obscurity. So when you see the chance take it, why leave just a name behind when you can leave a legend behind while also gaining godhood or sagehood in this case.

_Harsh_:isn't it the same with us ,we try to make as much money as possible till 30-40 then live in retirement and die
Other Reviews
xHelios
xHeliosLv14

I’m just reading this for fun, but I also have critiques if the author wants to be better as a writer. If you’re also writing this for fun then take this review with a grain of salt, but still read it(Hopefully this won’t make you emo teenager upset, I’m just trying to get your head on straight). 1. Mc gets 3 gacha rewards and goes to naruto world, and in the most cliche way-starts chakra training around the age of 2. How dumb is that, you literally could’ve had him start at 6 or 7, and then work your way to being op. There’s this fake drama the author wrote, to try and offset how moronic his characters decisions are to get strong so early, which leads to his shinobi parents becoming a bit suspicious about his training and obvious maturity and wisdom(Idc if mc has limitless improvement, still a hot dumpster take AT age 2). Getting strong from the VERY start when you’re born-is insanely cliche and overdone, it doesn’t reward anything and makes everything seem redundant. 2. Another mind palace bs ability, mc has also started on it age 2. Apparently has knowledge how to do it because plot, a lot of authors do this and it shows non-critical thinking and lack of intelligence on their part. 3. Grammar is good, story seems ok right now. I don’t mind op stories, but the fact that you’re just instantly getting to it instead of growing from weak to strong is abysmal. You gotta find a balance because you are the author, it’s your job to make a story entertaining without bs plot devices and drama for the sake of drama that adds nothing to character development or story progression. Also be realistic in some cases, like what made you think having your mc start chakra training at age 2 was a smart idea? In a shinobi world, everyone would find that suspicious and think of you as an anomaly or worse, ESPECIALLY the parents. Now you’ve written yourself in a corner and have to find a way to justify it, which could’ve been avoided if you just started at least 4 years later. Common sense goes a long way into these stories, don’t let anyone tell you different.

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