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DulceCorazon
DulceCorazonLv26mth
2024-10-22 11:47

I honestly hate reading everything about childhood, but I know it will be necessary for the character's development, but oh well. Keep in mind that there are only 11 chapters, so there's not much I can say yet. 1. I would like the protagonist to have a more haughty attitude, something like Dr. House (this doesn't mean he'll be bad or good). 2. There are so many possibilities that you can give to new jutsus with the brain. Something like being able to enter nzt mode. 3. There are many possibilities of illusions/spells of Loki, Cassandra Nova, Legion series, etc. in the form of jutsus. 4. It must have some negative effects. I know you have unlimited potential, but I don't know if at least when he starts with the powers he'll get a migraine or need to eat something specifically repeatedly xD.

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Replies2
Honoured_Writer
Honoured_WriterLv4

Pretty weird to make a review (not even 5 stars) to list out your demands to an author as if you were the one writing it

FangYuan1234
FangYuan1234Lv3

Bro spitting facts

Honoured_Writer:Pretty weird to make a review (not even 5 stars) to list out your demands to an author as if you were the one writing it
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Other Reviews
xHelios
xHeliosLv14

I’m just reading this for fun, but I also have critiques if the author wants to be better as a writer. If you’re also writing this for fun then take this review with a grain of salt, but still read it(Hopefully this won’t make you emo teenager upset, I’m just trying to get your head on straight). 1. Mc gets 3 gacha rewards and goes to naruto world, and in the most cliche way-starts chakra training around the age of 2. How dumb is that, you literally could’ve had him start at 6 or 7, and then work your way to being op. There’s this fake drama the author wrote, to try and offset how moronic his characters decisions are to get strong so early, which leads to his shinobi parents becoming a bit suspicious about his training and obvious maturity and wisdom(Idc if mc has limitless improvement, still a hot dumpster take AT age 2). Getting strong from the VERY start when you’re born-is insanely cliche and overdone, it doesn’t reward anything and makes everything seem redundant. 2. Another mind palace bs ability, mc has also started on it age 2. Apparently has knowledge how to do it because plot, a lot of authors do this and it shows non-critical thinking and lack of intelligence on their part. 3. Grammar is good, story seems ok right now. I don’t mind op stories, but the fact that you’re just instantly getting to it instead of growing from weak to strong is abysmal. You gotta find a balance because you are the author, it’s your job to make a story entertaining without bs plot devices and drama for the sake of drama that adds nothing to character development or story progression. Also be realistic in some cases, like what made you think having your mc start chakra training at age 2 was a smart idea? In a shinobi world, everyone would find that suspicious and think of you as an anomaly or worse, ESPECIALLY the parents. Now you’ve written yourself in a corner and have to find a way to justify it, which could’ve been avoided if you just started at least 4 years later. Common sense goes a long way into these stories, don’t let anyone tell you different.

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