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Jackleell
JackleellLv11yr
2024-04-06 16:55

The spelling and grammar is fine, but everything about the story feels off. Here we have a 12th-dimensional eldritch god, and yet he's being treated like a mere pet. It's perplexing; the story has a promising concept, but the execution of the storytelling leaves much to be desired.

Liked by 43 people

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Replies4
TheDemonNazI
TheDemonNazILv4

why did he mention lol is in the synopsis? I hope this ain't what i think it is

Helia_King
Helia_KingLv4

It’s not from what he’s doing every girl that he’s gathered so far, he’s just acted more like a friend or father figure to them

TheDemonNazI:why did he mention lol is in the synopsis? I hope this ain't what i think it is
Helia_King
Helia_KingLv4

You should word this differently cause you make it sound like everyone treats him like a pet when no one does. Maybe Asia did for a little bit but after that he’s been more of a friend or father figure.

B6_12nn3
B6_12nn3Lv1

What more were you expecting? A 12 dimensional being wouldn't even bother or be intrested in a lower dimensional world to begin with. Gotta make a story somehow even if it was as expected kinda disappointing.

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