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KnightInArmor
KnightInArmorLv411mth
2024-02-19 02:42

1) Use Grammarly or something to fix errors and space out the dialogues. 2) The "Romance" with Susan is just cringe and irritating, he basically harassed her and stole from her, and she is still friendly with him, if it was any woman in US be it fiction or not, they would have called 911 a long time ago, and on the second day of meeting him they are basically already in 'close friends' relationship and on the third day the become a couple. 3) The premise is amazing, but the bad qualities outweigh the good ones so until you fix those, I doubt I will be reading more than 3 chapters. If the story gets better, please someone comment here to let me know so that I can start reading this again. EDIT (I have read till chapter 6 since THE AUTHOR said I should write the review after reading more than 3 chapters) 4) The Timeline is just messed up Susan Storm is the same age as MC which is 15 or so, the Chitari Invasion happened in which MC's mother died and then we are in Spider-Man Homecoming like what happened in the middle? 5) the MC is now just acting like child he meets Tony and Peter on the roof during Spider-Man Homecoming where Tony is about to take back the red and blue spider suit, he goes there on the rooftop, rants about being his son, about how Tony was the one who tricked his mother into having an intercourse, and when Tony is ready to take him in, he says to leave him alone, like what? why would the MC even want to be acknowledged as Tony's son if he doesn't even want a father nor his money? This is just stupid, instead of that how about he makes his own anti Iron man gear and targets Tony, somehow Tony figures out that the MC is his son and apologizes to him and then he takes him in sort or like a villain-turned-hero. MC just wants to hurt Tony for what his mother had to go through then when he discovers that it was the ploy of Obadiah Stain he forgives Tony.

Marvel : Grey Matter as Illegitimate son of Tony Stark

Beginnerghost04
3.1
27 Chs

Liked by 10 people

LIKE
Replies2
S1nofSloth
S1nofSlothLv4

Read further Susan breaks up with him he leaves tony creates and armor kills vision and gets transported to the spider verse with Wanda im so lost and had to stop

11mth
5
Jerry070
Jerry070Lv12

Sounds like a weird dream in which we try to escape, but keep getting trapped in different situations.

S1nofSloth:Read further Susan breaks up with him he leaves tony creates and armor kills vision and gets transported to the spider verse with Wanda im so lost and had to stop
11mth
3
Other Reviews
SUBSCRIBE_MY_LIST
SUBSCRIBE_MY_LISTLv5

The concept is great. The Dialogue bad. The Formatting and Grammer worse. The MC is not likeable at all, he comes across as a manipulative, abusive, opportunistic rat who uses people. Somehow that works in him landing Susan Storm as a girlfriend... the author explains thisnas her being an INFJ of all MBTI typings, whilst the portrayal shown of her is extraverted, and she keeps seeking him out when she should be calling the cops on him. The MC is apparently indian and pretty much acts like all the bad things about india packaged into a behavioural package. By chapter 5, he has an emo outburst again, after a very short subpar action scene that I only realised after the fact happened. I liked the initial concept of the story but its like an indian wuxia story in all the worst ways. Still, it can be an enjoyable read for people who are into this sort of thing. I rated it by wn standards, not my own like or dislike for the story, as the MCs personality and behaviour would have pretty much made a score in the positive impossible otherwise. The mc makes me want to call a pest exterminator on him.

1yr

Bryce_Bergeron
Bryce_BergeronLv15

It is incredibly hard to read and understand neat concept needs alottttt of work tho keep it up practice makes perfect my friend :)

11mth
HellOfTiamat
HellOfTiamatLv14

The premise and idea are good, but the grammar needs improvement. Consider using an AI to enhance readability.

1yr
DaoistojZfIq
DaoistojZfIqLv14

honestly, author, you have a good idea, but this story is a mess. You should rewrite it using this one a rough draft with readers pointing out problems to fix on the rewrite version

11mth
anime_otaku_6087
anime_otaku_6087Lv13

I really like the dialogue in this novel and I got hooked right from the start. I hope this novel continues like this.

1yr
Shanksxx
ShanksxxLv13

interesting, I hope you continue to write a novel and keep the flow of one chapter a day, I wish you success and I will follow your journey as much as possible.

1yr
Bilal_Arshad
Bilal_ArshadLv4

Reveal spoiler

10mth
JAMES_Arthur
JAMES_ArthurLv4

Reveal spoiler

11mth
behem0th
behem0thLv5

the premise of the story is interesting and so far the developments pretty good but for the grammar and spelling... I've read raws and mtls with better sentence structure

11mth
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