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KnightInArmor
KnightInArmorLv49mth
2024-02-19 02:42

1) Use Grammarly or something to fix errors and space out the dialogues. 2) The "Romance" with Susan is just cringe and irritating, he basically harassed her and stole from her, and she is still friendly with him, if it was any woman in US be it fiction or not, they would have called 911 a long time ago, and on the second day of meeting him they are basically already in 'close friends' relationship and on the third day the become a couple. 3) The premise is amazing, but the bad qualities outweigh the good ones so until you fix those, I doubt I will be reading more than 3 chapters. If the story gets better, please someone comment here to let me know so that I can start reading this again. EDIT (I have read till chapter 6 since THE AUTHOR said I should write the review after reading more than 3 chapters) 4) The Timeline is just messed up Susan Storm is the same age as MC which is 15 or so, the Chitari Invasion happened in which MC's mother died and then we are in Spider-Man Homecoming like what happened in the middle? 5) the MC is now just acting like child he meets Tony and Peter on the roof during Spider-Man Homecoming where Tony is about to take back the red and blue spider suit, he goes there on the rooftop, rants about being his son, about how Tony was the one who tricked his mother into having an intercourse, and when Tony is ready to take him in, he says to leave him alone, like what? why would the MC even want to be acknowledged as Tony's son if he doesn't even want a father nor his money? This is just stupid, instead of that how about he makes his own anti Iron man gear and targets Tony, somehow Tony figures out that the MC is his son and apologizes to him and then he takes him in sort or like a villain-turned-hero. MC just wants to hurt Tony for what his mother had to go through then when he discovers that it was the ploy of Obadiah Stain he forgives Tony.

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Replies2
S1nofSloth
S1nofSlothLv4

Read further Susan breaks up with him he leaves tony creates and armor kills vision and gets transported to the spider verse with Wanda im so lost and had to stop

Jerry070
Jerry070Lv12

Sounds like a weird dream in which we try to escape, but keep getting trapped in different situations.

S1nofSloth:Read further Susan breaks up with him he leaves tony creates and armor kills vision and gets transported to the spider verse with Wanda im so lost and had to stop
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