honestly, author, you have a good idea, but this story is a mess. You should rewrite it using this one a rough draft with readers pointing out problems to fix on the rewrite version
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LIKEthis is why I wrote to keep writing this and have a rewrite version . It's to compare the two and help you improve faster since you can see your mistakes easier than come back a few years later, and see them, but have the mentality that it just your old work when you could still be at the same level just a little better, think of it like your a teacher and your self grading it with all the mark you see yourself and what your readers point out what's wrong not the complaining one but the ones that point out grammar, sentence structure, pro nouns, and honest mistakes this could help you in real time so you can get more school like help for free, and all you have to do is write and have patience because I know readers will try it to high heaven and more, it's in there nature to go overboard, but again good idea this is just constructive criticism from me you can use it or not totally your choice
Don't worry, if you say so much then I will soon rewrite it.