webnovel
Enormiity
EnormiityLv41yr
2023-11-29 05:01

This is written after the tenth chapter of this story. TLDR: Not Recommended, No World-Building, Bad System and Character Design, The Story practically jumps from plot point to plot point.•••••Now The Long Part•••••The Writing is Okay, It's Readable but it has no story flow overall 3/5 so far.••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••Character Design, the MC is supposed to be smart but he is not, he barely has any common sense especially since he is formerly a 30-year-old adult, he feels bad after beating up someone who assaulted him, does something extract but expects people to think that is normal, the System is non Consistent so far just pick Metric or Imperial and use one for the whole system. Overall 1/5 bland dum-dum MC that is supposed to be "smart".••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••Story Development, there is practically no "actual" story so far, for those 10 chapters the story just jumps from one plot to another with practically no connection in between. There is also no Chapter Title in this story which will be annoying to navigate later.••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••The world background is nonexistent, The MC is supposed to be in America (Marvel version) but the "world" in the story doesn't feel like the USA (Free Hospital bills by the government after someone found the MC half-dead, they didn't even question the MC why he is beaten up or check some CCTV footage or whatever)(The MC (Minor) just talks to some construction worker and works there for a day without any work permit (non-existent law system)). I usually don't care but this story does it so badly.

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Replies13
Enormiity
EnormiityLv4

Webnovel needs to update its text structuring system.

Supreme_Leader
Supreme_LeaderLv12

Couldn't agree more. There's practically no paragraph spacing. It's annoying to leave long comment or review.

Enormiity:Webnovel needs to update its text structuring system.
DreuxX
DreuxXLv15

You are right (in common sense) and in how the person around him behaves, which is what I expected from a person who only writes for division, making a smart MC is difficult (dismissal). I think that's why he is slowly increasing his IQ on the status panel (you can't expect a person who starts with an IQ of 80 to be smart), he needs to develop as a person

Enormiity
EnormiityLv4

(Correct me if I am wrong, but if my memory is correct about this story) The problem in this story is not that the MC starts dumb, the problem is that the MC who is supposed to be a 30-year-old man in his past life has no common sense. It makes sense if the MC was a teenager, but the author makes the MC 30-year-old or something like that before he "reincarnates".

DreuxX:You are right (in common sense) and in how the person around him behaves, which is what I expected from a person who only writes for division, making a smart MC is difficult (dismissal). I think that's why he is slowly increasing his IQ on the status panel (you can't expect a person who starts with an IQ of 80 to be smart), he needs to develop as a person
DreuxX
DreuxXLv15

No, you're right, that's uncomfortable.

Enormiity:(Correct me if I am wrong, but if my memory is correct about this story) The problem in this story is not that the MC starts dumb, the problem is that the MC who is supposed to be a 30-year-old man in his past life has no common sense. It makes sense if the MC was a teenager, but the author makes the MC 30-year-old or something like that before he "reincarnates".
PettiaMius_6689
PettiaMius_6689Author

I do paragraph space, but it straight up doesn;t reflect for some reason

Supreme_Leader:Couldn't agree more. There's practically no paragraph spacing. It's annoying to leave long comment or review.
CrownClown666
CrownClown666Lv4

I'm guessing the author acknowledges the flaws mentioned here and has therefore chosen not to comment on it. Thank you for the review. It helps to know what i would be getting myself into and if it's worth the read.

PettiaMius_6689
PettiaMius_6689Author

I just couldn't bother, enormity would just keep arguing why he is right, so it wouldn't make sense.

CrownClown666:I'm guessing the author acknowledges the flaws mentioned here and has therefore chosen not to comment on it. Thank you for the review. It helps to know what i would be getting myself into and if it's worth the read.
image
PettiaMius_6689
PettiaMius_6689Author

From your review, it seems that you have reservations about how the main character operates. However, it's worth noting that the story takes a realistic approach in certain situations, particularly with the main character being a former otaku. The unconventional aspect lies in the fact that most reincarnated characters are typically unfazed by their new reality, adapting almost instantly, which might not align with the logical time it would take for someone to adjust to such a drastic change. It's understandable that this might be a departure from what you're accustomed to, and I appreciate your perspective. Regarding character design, it's essential to clarify that the main character's intelligence is not just about appearances or innate capabilities. His genius perk doesn't grant him automatic knowledge; instead, it serves as a catalyst for learning and problem-solving. Intelligence is demonstrated when faced with unique challenges, and the story aims to showcase this aspect rather than a character with pre-existing solutions to every problem. While acknowledging flaws in world-building, it's important to consider that the focus of the story might not have been on that aspect during the time of your review. The absence of a conventional 'system' doesn't mean the main character lacks guidance; instead, he has a 'status panel' that outlines his abilities and perks, without additional functionalities. In terms of the main character's work, the emphasis is on his suitability for the job at hand. His understanding of safety rules and careful handling set him apart, ensuring he passed the scrutiny when seeking employment. The story acknowledges that not all workplaces have the same certification requirements, introducing a realistic element. The intentionally slow-paced narrative aligns with the choice to avoid be unrealistic and to give the main character an understanding of the world he is in. This approach WAS deliberate, focusing on niche information and allowing the him to evolve naturally as time passes. Addressing the main character's emotional response to beating his bully, it's portrayed as an empathetic reaction from the perspective of an older man mentally. Even if the bully may have deserved consequences, in my story, I was aiming to explore morality, and sort of draw parallels to real-world situations where empathy and leniency can coexist. Worse has happened in real life to people and they let it go, I don't see why it's an issue here. What I also realized, was that your expectations for the main character's behavior seem to stem from certain 'narrative tropes' like I mentioned before, and the story intentionally diverges from these norms, aiming for a more realistic approach in decision-making.

Enormiity
EnormiityLv4

To be honest, I only responded to this message to check if Webnovel updates how the text structure works (or if you manually fix it). It looks perfect on my device. (0) Note: I don't remember anything about your history at this point, so I'm just going to use my review as a reference. (1) First of all, you emphasize a lot on being "realistic" in your story. If you add a system, perks, or a status screen, then your story is not realistic. (2) Secondly, human psychology when faced with a drastic change. They will either have a mental breakdown or "adapt" immediately; it's like the basic flight or fight instinct of nearly everything alive. (I don't get your point here. I re-read the prologue, and the MC is adapting instantly; he is not in denial and knows exactly where he is.) (3) Thirdly, your view of intelligence is useless here. Your MC faced "Unique Challenges" where he nearly got flatlined when someone bullied him, and yet, rather than telling the authorities, he covered for the bullies. Just face it; your MC is not "Intelligent" in any way, shape, or form—not intellectually, not emotionally, not morally. (Will explain later.) (4) Fourth, my review is made at the early stage of your story. Worldbuilding not only applies to the "world lore" but also to how the characters behave with their surroundings. So yes, the worldbuilding "should" be the most important part when my review is made. (The Pilot / First Chapter / Arc / Book / Movie is the most important part of a story since that is where people will decide whether to commit or not to the story.) (5) Fifth, you contradict your previous statement about not focusing on worldbuilding (Read 4). That is considered worldbuilding, and the MC already knows where he is ("Marvel") and since he is an otaku in your own words, he should know how messed up he is. (6) Sixth, your view here is so messed up I am not even going to analyze it deeply (Your view here is so twisted that it's a first sign you need a therapist). "Worse has happened in real life to people, and they let it go" is a really bad take. Trust me, most people don't let it go in this kind of case; most of the time, they just cannot do anything about it. (You are either naive in real life, or you already got conditioned to think like this in real life. Fun fact: most bullying happens because people let it.) (7) Lastly, I only analyze things based on whatever information I have on those things. My expectations of your story came from your story alone.

PettiaMius_6689:From your review, it seems that you have reservations about how the main character operates. However, it's worth noting that the story takes a realistic approach in certain situations, particularly with the main character being a former otaku. The unconventional aspect lies in the fact that most reincarnated characters are typically unfazed by their new reality, adapting almost instantly, which might not align with the logical time it would take for someone to adjust to such a drastic change. It's understandable that this might be a departure from what you're accustomed to, and I appreciate your perspective. Regarding character design, it's essential to clarify that the main character's intelligence is not just about appearances or innate capabilities. His genius perk doesn't grant him automatic knowledge; instead, it serves as a catalyst for learning and problem-solving. Intelligence is demonstrated when faced with unique challenges, and the story aims to showcase this aspect rather than a character with pre-existing solutions to every problem. While acknowledging flaws in world-building, it's important to consider that the focus of the story might not have been on that aspect during the time of your review. The absence of a conventional 'system' doesn't mean the main character lacks guidance; instead, he has a 'status panel' that outlines his abilities and perks, without additional functionalities. In terms of the main character's work, the emphasis is on his suitability for the job at hand. His understanding of safety rules and careful handling set him apart, ensuring he passed the scrutiny when seeking employment. The story acknowledges that not all workplaces have the same certification requirements, introducing a realistic element. The intentionally slow-paced narrative aligns with the choice to avoid be unrealistic and to give the main character an understanding of the world he is in. This approach WAS deliberate, focusing on niche information and allowing the him to evolve naturally as time passes. Addressing the main character's emotional response to beating his bully, it's portrayed as an empathetic reaction from the perspective of an older man mentally. Even if the bully may have deserved consequences, in my story, I was aiming to explore morality, and sort of draw parallels to real-world situations where empathy and leniency can coexist. Worse has happened in real life to people and they let it go, I don't see why it's an issue here. What I also realized, was that your expectations for the main character's behavior seem to stem from certain 'narrative tropes' like I mentioned before, and the story intentionally diverges from these norms, aiming for a more realistic approach in decision-making.
Enormiity
EnormiityLv4

NVM only looks structured on the App, it looks like the usual when I check the web version.

Enormiity:To be honest, I only responded to this message to check if Webnovel updates how the text structure works (or if you manually fix it). It looks perfect on my device. (0) Note: I don't remember anything about your history at this point, so I'm just going to use my review as a reference. (1) First of all, you emphasize a lot on being "realistic" in your story. If you add a system, perks, or a status screen, then your story is not realistic. (2) Secondly, human psychology when faced with a drastic change. They will either have a mental breakdown or "adapt" immediately; it's like the basic flight or fight instinct of nearly everything alive. (I don't get your point here. I re-read the prologue, and the MC is adapting instantly; he is not in denial and knows exactly where he is.) (3) Thirdly, your view of intelligence is useless here. Your MC faced "Unique Challenges" where he nearly got flatlined when someone bullied him, and yet, rather than telling the authorities, he covered for the bullies. Just face it; your MC is not "Intelligent" in any way, shape, or form—not intellectually, not emotionally, not morally. (Will explain later.) (4) Fourth, my review is made at the early stage of your story. Worldbuilding not only applies to the "world lore" but also to how the characters behave with their surroundings. So yes, the worldbuilding "should" be the most important part when my review is made. (The Pilot / First Chapter / Arc / Book / Movie is the most important part of a story since that is where people will decide whether to commit or not to the story.) (5) Fifth, you contradict your previous statement about not focusing on worldbuilding (Read 4). That is considered worldbuilding, and the MC already knows where he is ("Marvel") and since he is an otaku in your own words, he should know how messed up he is. (6) Sixth, your view here is so messed up I am not even going to analyze it deeply (Your view here is so twisted that it's a first sign you need a therapist). "Worse has happened in real life to people, and they let it go" is a really bad take. Trust me, most people don't let it go in this kind of case; most of the time, they just cannot do anything about it. (You are either naive in real life, or you already got conditioned to think like this in real life. Fun fact: most bullying happens because people let it.) (7) Lastly, I only analyze things based on whatever information I have on those things. My expectations of your story came from your story alone.
MonkeReviewer
MonkeReviewerLv4

This argument is more interesting than the fanfic

DadguyDave
DadguyDaveLv14

MonkeReviewer:This argument is more interesting than the fanfic
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