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Aydehan
AydehanLv135mth
2024-08-26 09:15

First of all, this review is written through a translator. The story written is generally good, but in my opinion there are a few points that are missing. For example, the romantic subplot or a bigger problem is the rituals that seem very forced. Yes, the rituals seem very forced and even make me very nervous while reading them. What, it's not even sequence 7 yet, sequence 5 wants you to mess with someone. This is complete nonsense. If he was going to attempt this kind of thing, at least the main character should have been rank 5. Also, the series should have started at least 4 years before the main events started. If you have studied the queues in the LOTM universe, you will notice that they all follow a certain route. There is no need to perform rituals, with the exception of between 9-5, because you are still human. Between 4-0 you have to perform the ritual because your journey from humanity to divinity begins. (The path of the klein is abnormal. It requires a ritual at rank 6. Likewise, it requires an anchor at rank 4.) I hope you will think about this story in more detail, polish all the rough parts and rewrite it. Then I'm sure you'll create a great work.

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Shadow_Magus
Shadow_MagusAuthor

Firstly, thank you so much for the review. Secondly, I do admit there are a lot of aspects which are just straight-up bad in this fanfic, and I am trying to fix them. However, one thing I personally do not wish to change is the rituals that existed from the beginning. It was something I had thought of before even beginning the story, that the MC would have to undergo rituals from the beginning, and need anchors not too much in the future. Anyway, the most important thing is that each ritual is in some way connected to the name of the ritual. For example, Fool's End requires you to see the fool... end. Sequence 7 Blinded Visionary requires you to interfere completely with and stop the advancement ritual of another Beyonder advancing from seq 6 to 5. This is the exact opposite of the spectator pathway advancement, as in blinded visionary, it required you to plan, just like the spectator pathway, but plan to thwart another Byyonder. Similarly, each of the advancements will involve a complete opposite, or a twisted version of the pathway it is opposing. I did this mainly because the pathway I had built... was so brutally op and I did not wish to randomly nerf the mc halfway through, an it would be fun seeing how the mc would make it through all of these situations. after all, the 'mystery' from the original novel is already gone, so I needed something to keep the audiences and myself invested int it, and the intrigue on how he would survive the advancement rituals was really interesting. Perhaps I will rewrite the novel in the future, and fix a lot of mistakes, including reviving him earlier than the original plot. That might be true. But I don't think I will remove the rituals... I really like this aspect of it. I know it feels forced to a lot, but I really like it. It brings a sense of suspense not from mystery, but from not knowing how mc would survive.

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