Honestly, writing is ok. A few grammatical errors but nothing that stops you from reading fluently. The main problem is that his system doesn’t really do system things, the system is not really explored or talked about, the only thing we know is that it fixes his posture when working out or shooting, I wish the system would get an upgrade or something, he has his system and has played five seasons but still loses to the well know centers just for plot, his effort does not match his win rate, five seasons and bro still feels mediocre. I get the whole mature thing with top lives but bro is too zen, talk about his daily life with actual detail, basketball players and fans talk a lot online add a story on that too, show interactions with other players instead of a line just saying "they talked” actually show the talking and write about some actual behind the scenes. Also bro has two kids and a wife, it’s like they don’t do stuff together, they feel like character fillers. I have not seen any more improvements from mc, especially coming from a guy with 2 lives and even has a system, most importantly he has played 5+ seasons and not much to talk about … especially for a guy with a system.
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LIKEThank you for your honest and unfiltered point of view. I would answer you the same way. At first, I didn't know what to do, but I had one guideline: Not too hard, too fast. I wanted a progression a la Giannis, but I also thought of having slowed down Hector too much. It is said that the average age of a first MVP is six years in the league. Maybe my quest for realism skewed what I wanted to do. Usually, you will see his progress in volume 3. I put it aside for the daily part because I was not confident in my writing skills, and I have no shame in saying so. This is the axis of progression I will have to carry out, and I am only an amateur who did not even have a project at the start. The system I could talk about it more often, but it is passive, and I intended to erase it from history, but you are right. I should develop it more because it differs from what you usually see. I know there are many holes to exploit, and I do not think I am qualified as an author, but we can progress with this kind of constructive comment.
Thank you for your reply, I know what you intend to do with the system and how you want the mc to gradually improve slowly, but for a guy with a system, it is very slow, there is really no chance to show off even if he wanted. The only way you can improve the plot is to improve the system and mc immensely in volume 3 and if possible talk about his life outside the nba, talk about news reporters, his wife, his businesses, his social media like instagram, twitter, not just basketball basketball all the time, it just feels so monotone that way, hopefully you can make these changes. No matter what, you have done well to go this far in the story, and I,ve been following you for a few months now, i honestly did not expect you to reach this far. Good work to you
Ryujinlevrai:Thank you for your honest and unfiltered point of view. I would answer you the same way. At first, I didn't know what to do, but I had one guideline: Not too hard, too fast. I wanted a progression a la Giannis, but I also thought of having slowed down Hector too much. It is said that the average age of a first MVP is six years in the league. Maybe my quest for realism skewed what I wanted to do. Usually, you will see his progress in volume 3. I put it aside for the daily part because I was not confident in my writing skills, and I have no shame in saying so. This is the axis of progression I will have to carry out, and I am only an amateur who did not even have a project at the start. The system I could talk about it more often, but it is passive, and I intended to erase it from history, but you are right. I should develop it more because it differs from what you usually see. I know there are many holes to exploit, and I do not think I am qualified as an author, but we can progress with this kind of constructive comment.
I heard and acted accordingly. I already wrote 150 chapters; you will see changes in chapter 150. Apart from the big games or the playoff series, I will develop the environment around Hector in all aspects. I have just finished the chapters concerning the Mexico Game, but without going into the game, that refreshes the story. I had planned to "Kawhiser" Hector. An anti-star who doesn't often speak with the media and doesn't have any social networks, he's a discreet guy by nature, I'll see how I'm going to get out of it, but your point of view is interesting. There are a lot of things to exploit. I'm also surprised to go so far. I'm going to take my time rereading basketball novels on Qidian. The idea is that I really didn't like MCs with systems that handle everything for granted without working and become strong overnight. I will talk more about the system during training and its effects during a game. In itself, it is not an interactive system.
covestar:Thank you for your reply, I know what you intend to do with the system and how you want the mc to gradually improve slowly, but for a guy with a system, it is very slow, there is really no chance to show off even if he wanted. The only way you can improve the plot is to improve the system and mc immensely in volume 3 and if possible talk about his life outside the nba, talk about news reporters, his wife, his businesses, his social media like instagram, twitter, not just basketball basketball all the time, it just feels so monotone that way, hopefully you can make these changes. No matter what, you have done well to go this far in the story, and I,ve been following you for a few months now, i honestly did not expect you to reach this far. Good work to youimage
Fair enough, good luck with the novel. You still have a reader in me. Good stuff
Ryujinlevrai:I heard and acted accordingly. I already wrote 150 chapters; you will see changes in chapter 150. Apart from the big games or the playoff series, I will develop the environment around Hector in all aspects. I have just finished the chapters concerning the Mexico Game, but without going into the game, that refreshes the story. I had planned to "Kawhiser" Hector. An anti-star who doesn't often speak with the media and doesn't have any social networks, he's a discreet guy by nature, I'll see how I'm going to get out of it, but your point of view is interesting. There are a lot of things to exploit. I'm also surprised to go so far. I'm going to take my time rereading basketball novels on Qidian. The idea is that I really didn't like MCs with systems that handle everything for granted without working and become strong overnight. I will talk more about the system during training and its effects during a game. In itself, it is not an interactive system.