webnovel
Slow_Neptune
Slow_NeptuneLv21yr
2023-04-14 04:49

The story gets right into the action and pulls the readers along for the ride as Aaron (the MC) gets involved with a mysterious organization. The word of this story has great potential but the author needs to develop it more with deeper descriptions. There are a couple of grammar mistakes throughout the story which need to be polished but overall this story has a good foundation.

Liked it!

LIKE
empty img

No replies. Be the first!

Other Reviews
hidingpanduh
hidingpanduhLv12

This is a novel of epic porportions with dizzying and intense action scenes. I like how Aaron develops his knowledge and powers as the book goes on. I also like how we dive into his past origin of being a son of a Duke, but I don’t remember if you mention whether this is a past life or the same life. Nevertheless I enjoyed reading the latter chapters, chock full of mysterious happenings. You mentioned I’m good at writing character interaction and I think you are also very good at writing interactions between characters. You are able to cause fear and disgust and worry in me as you describe the violence and gory details, when characters get hurt or tested like that weird woman training Aaron in the pain box. One note I’ll touch on is that you switch between past and present a lot and it gets confusing for me, perhaps try to stick to one tense so the grammar will be better as well as smoothening out the flow of the story. I probably don’t need to tell you about the information dumping but just a reminder to think from the reader’s perspective, that too much information dumping all at once can be overwhelming. Even if it is in dialogue maybe pace it so that more information gets revealed slower throughout the chapters instead of big blocks of explanation and not much story showing. I’ve finished up to chapter 15 and I look forward to seeing what Aaron does next in the story and how his origin story will continue, and what will happen to the rest of the characters. Overall I really like the way you introduce new characters and each character really spices things up. Just keep in mind about the tenses and information dumping when you go through the editing process. Keep it up, keep writing!

Related Stories

I Can Copy And Evolve Talents

The convolution of worlds are govern by a set of gods, each god is given a world to rule and there can be skirmishes between them – as a result of one between Nexus, the god of trickery and a senile old hag Elliot reincarnated into Ul’Tra-el by mistake. Ul’Tra-el is a world that grew a voice, because of this voice, it began to take a different path from other worlds -- it was filled with a core anomaly – rifts. Dimensions began to leak into each other, vomiting outrageous monsters. In response or as an auto-correction to such anomaly, talents were awakened in the inhabitants of Ul’Tra-el and they gained tremendous power, for every rift they close down, they were rewarded massively by the voice of the world called Ul. In a hardcore world like this one, our MC (Northern) reincarnated as a talentless individual but in the face of a death and a head splitting revelation... ...when all hopes seemed lost. {System Notice} Your Soul cannot take a form Searching for Unique pattern ability for your soul searching... search found. Unique System ability has been found... Unique System Ability [CopyCat] has been gained. Awakening Unique ability... Northern gained a talent copying system! ... Follow Northern through his journey as he becomes the pinnacle of this world. This a story about a white-haired boy’s rise from rubbles!! Note: This is an overpower genre but MC does not just start off like that. Even though MC can copy talents he doesn't just jump around copying talents because there's a limitation. However, his rise to strength is depicted and is an experience to enjoy. The first few hundreds would be frustrating to follow because MC is weak but that makes the experience all the more interesting when MC finally gets freaking strong and starts wiping the floor with everyones asses.

RighteousFilth · Fantasy
3.8
676 Chs

Primordial Villain with a Slave Harem

Quinlan, a simple office worker finds himself transmigrated to an extremely dangerous fantasy land as a level 1 Commoner with nothing to his name but his wits- and a unique gift that accompanied his teleportation. No one in Thalorind could have predicted that this unassuming arrival would one day rise to the top, redefining the very meaning of the term 'power'... And that he may have achieved said result by joining a criminal organization and clawing his way through its ranks as well as establishing his own business empire that may or may not have relied on slave labor. In the beginning Quinlan was painfully weak and alone, but thanks to his severe trust issues, joining a team was... hard. However, he soon noticed that a lot of people have collars around their necks in this world... People that couldn't exactly betray him. Follow Quinlan's journey as he grows in strength, amasses wealth, fights to the death, and meets lovely ladies. ... Discord: https://discord.gg/bjunEkswQ3 ... Disclaimer: I'd received a few harsh complaints from some readers that my MC is not a real villain, and I have to agree; if you're looking for some complete psycho MC who burns random farmer villages down just for fun then don't read. The MC is a ruthless man who does evil things from time to time, but only to his enemies or those he considers to be true scum. He gains no joy from tormenting strangers. Also don't read if you want a story about buying s*x slaves and r*ping them, that doesn't happen in this novel. He will treat the women he wants to be with as if they were normal people, whether they're slaves or not.

NecroBin · Fantasy
4.4
468 Chs

The Bloodline System

In a future timeline, the earth was visited by a species known as the Slarkovs. Having lost their home planet and in search of a new one, the Earth was the next habitable planet for them. Humans and Slarkovs made a deal with each other in return for the Slarkovs living on Earth. The Slarkovs traded their technology and knowledge for a new home. They were similar to humans except for some of them who had slight differences, so fitting into society wasn't a problem. Over the years, Slarkovs and humans began to mate with one another and reproduce offspring. This, in turn, created new species known as the mixedblood. Centuries later, mixedbloods could tap into their bloodline and perform unimaginable feats. Gustav was born into an age where bloodline determines everything and struggles to fit in with a useless bloodline. His bloodline only grants him the ability to change his hair colour, destroying his hopes and dreams for a great future. His fate is turned around when an unexpected situation leads to him finding a system that grants him the power to unlock and upgrade bloodlines by completing quests, but he's baffled by two quests with a five-year deadline. Success will grant him unimaginable rewards... But only one thing awaits him if he fails... Death! Follow Gustav on his interesting journey filled with unprecedented adventures, danger, and death, maybe? PS: The MC's character growth happens more than once in this story. Join my discord server » https://discord.gg/kSde8pwr

TimVic · Fantasy
4.7
1656 Chs