Bruh, there are so many grammatical errors, the character dialogue is completely messed up (this can be observed from the start as the mc talked to the god, his supposed "brother"), any self-respecting author would not use profanity's in their story, especially as casually as this author has. The author uses swear words as if they are just random words without meaning (why would a god use profanity, it does not matter if that god is somehow your brother, as one gets older they mature. Obviously this author does not understand that concept). Also not to mention the lack of "common sense", I understand that most readers would not care, but I believe that there should still be some common sense in a fictional story (people do not die from burning, usually, to die from burning you would have to be in an open area and you would have to be burned by really strong flames, or just for an extended period of time. Carbon monoxide poisoning would kill you before a fire can if in an enclosed space, and for many other reasons)
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Thanks for the review. I will actually take your criticism into account. I’ll try to reduce the amount of swearing. Contrary to your viewpoint, it is indeed common where I live. I believe my grammar is actually pretty precise. I’l have to work on the character dialogue. I admitted that isn’t my strong suit in my other original novel.
you understand this is fanfiction and not charles dickens or william shakespere? it doesnt have to be perfect, he's not being graded and your getting it for free
