So firstly I just wanna state that this is actually a good novel, could even be great. I have issues with a few things though. 1stly too much exposition, way too much exposition. This novel could actually benefit from breaking up and expanding the first few chapters to flush out more intricate details and better character development and such. I feel as though the Author loves this novel and has a great many ideas he wants to implement and it shows by coming off as if he's rushing the development of the story. There's a distinct difference between withholding information and slowly trickling it in after hooking the reader with great action beats and giving information dumps to get critical information out of the way. There are some grammar errors as well as spelling flaws, but by far the biggest issue is the exposition. Sometimes it even rips the reader out of immersion of the story. We gain information that could easily be told to us in more creative ways. Overall the author is creative and even though this is a systems novel, I feel they do a great job of utilizing it as a tool rather than the main focus. The main focus is the world, and there's thought put into this world, which is why the exposition drives me up a wall because you are taking away from truly expanding the beauty of the world. I know this may seem like a rant or bashing but I'm only being tough because you gotta gem here, slow down and polish that baby. If you establish that beginning right all that juicy tid bits i know your rushing to get to will pay off even more.
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Thank you very much, bro. I'll try my best to address all these points I myself have been able to identify all these problems, especially about the exposition stuff. I'm ironing out all the details. Hopefully very soon, you will be able to see a newly polished gem 😂. I want to separate the chapters, making them shorter. How do I do that?
I do chapter set up based on the context. Doing chapters on the pertinent information that's intrigul to what's occurring at the moment. Chapters serve as a physical break between the story and events unfolding using that to your advantage you can space out information and events based on how in-depth you want to go. For example, you can use the first 3 or so chapters describing Cain's training regiment, maybe the last day before the ash came. This will give you time to show the mistreatment of his father, the banter between him and his classmates, the relief felt when studying and training in the martial arts. You decide how to parcel out the information and segment chapters. Like a scene ending or the ending of an episode in an anime.
I feel like adding all sorts of details like that will make the story a bit dull. This book is supposed to be filled with action, and if there is too much dialogue it might remove a lot of that excitement from it.
Do a fight scene with him training or imagining beating up his family or something
So if I wanna cut the chapters shorter, how do I do that? Because most of my early chapters are fairly long, about 1500 to 2000+ words long
Your first chapter holds 3 main pieces of information, His family life, His school life and the dream. You might be able to break up the chapter by making chapter one like a slice of life segment. I may not actually make the chapter shorter but will better add in the information you are trying to deliver.
