webnovel
WriterTheos
WriterTheosLv142yr
2022-11-15 22:08

A very very good first chapter so I honestly dont have much to say about it but there's some flaws. First, you shouldn't tell the readers how the mc is feeling. Like "he was happy". This is quite shallow and bad writing, instead, you should describe the bright smile on his face as he walked with his chin up and got clothed while humming a cheerful tune. Or atleast describe how he was happy instead of just saying it outright. Next, we didn't really get to understand who the mc really was. A lot of the chapter was spent on other things such as history and the world, and how the mc interacted as well. However, we didn't get to see his true motions and his ambition. I would have liked to see more of that as it is crucial in developing a connection between reader and mc. other stuff can be metioned in second chap in my opinion. However, overall it's still surprisingly good in a good way!

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PRO_GAMER_2345
PRO_GAMER_2345Author

I thank you for your honest review. Also, since it was my first time writing, I made a lot of amateur mistakes. As for the ambitions and goals the mc has, they are explored later on as the story progresses. All in all, I hope you continue reading it as it only gets better. After all, as a writer, I improve along with my book.

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funkiller_562
funkiller_562Lv4
Syler_Blade
Syler_BladeLv15

126 chapter review!!! Warning, possible spoilers!!! First things first, I would like to point out that “overall” the author has done a pretty decent job with this novel and hope he/she continues what they started. With that being said, I have compliled a small list of pros and cons as of chapter 126. Pros: + The writing, for the most part, is fairly well done. + The auther is has been uploading chapters regularly(roughly 5 or so chapters a week at the time of writing this). + So far the story has not stalled and has continued to move forward towards the issues as stated in the summery of the book. + The “World background” foundation is laid and definitely should be able to provide quite a bit of material for the author to build off of. + Starting at around chapter 100ish the auther starts to build the other minor character backgrounds, which I feel helps to add value to the book. CONS: (As with all webnovels, there are flaws and minor issue but I will only list the two biggest ones I see so far.) - So far 0% romance and/or harem at all. This may not be a con to everyone but the book has the “romance” and “harem” tags and it kinda feels like a lie when it seems like 150+ chapters could pass before romance is seen at all. I will say that there has been small hints of interest from possible heroines. - Character development. This is a big one for me. Sure the mc has grown physically more powerful using the system but as a person he has not grown at all. And to make matters worse, there is a huge disconnect between who he is internally and who he is externally. He is needy and childlike with his thoughts and with the system; while at the same time, somehow, he’s an above average, powerful team leader that orders others around like an experienced veteran that has all the answers. Everyone has that thing that bothers them when reading and this is mine, it has made me put the book down mid chapter before and not finish till the next day. Hope this helps potential readers to make a decision, and overall I think it’s a good book with the potential to be a great one depending on character development and how the author handles the harem issue(when it comes).

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