Seeing so many reviews that are basically praising this book like some kind of masterpiece even though it is not, I have to give my honest review on it: It's not a masterpiece. When you start your synopsis by telling people your book is lackluster, you're already telling people not to expect much from the book, which I guess I have to give you credit for telling the truth. The problem was that it was even worse than I thought. It wasn't just lackluster, I felt I was reading a composition writing made by an elementary schooler. When two characters are speaking, you do not need to say things like "To which he said", "To which he replied" etc. That's not how you write dialogue. It really made your story look like everyone is some emotionless NPC that you basically go up to and press the interact key. They will deliver their dialogue, then die the next second because they are emotionless beings of no importance. That's not even mentioning the fact that the entire beginning is just a whole bunch of info dump. What's more, the info dumps are presented like some boring spreadsheet shoved in my face too. I'm here to read a story, not attend your presentation. If I wanted to attend a presentation, I wouldn't be here. I seriously tried to go to the chapter you said would stop being lackluster but the front chapters were already so bad that I was already getting a seizure at chapter 5 so no thanks.
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I think you should read it again. Also, what you read were unedited chapters. And if you still don't like it, it's up to you as my writing style may not be for you.
I trusted you and went back to read it. Your dialogue writing is still really bad. It's not even a matter of 'writing style', you just don't know how to write proper dialogue. What's the point of saying [He yawned, "Yawn!!"] If you already mentioned he yawned, then why do you see the need to actually have him vocalise the yawn???? Then I see things like [He said, "XXX" and then he sighed.] That is NOT how you write dialogue. Yeah, sure, it's still readable, but the bad grammar is just too painful for me to get over since it feels like I'm reading a primary schooler's writing.
Well, I can't say much for that. Everyone sees it differently and although my writing isn't up to par, I don't feel that it's that bad. If the grammar was that bad, I am sure that my current readers would have complained about it and would have told me. Other than that, I am grateful that you went back and read of it at least.
