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Panda_Stories
Panda_StoriesLv142yr
2022-10-02 13:22

Write Quality: basic with no flare or anything original in it - 3 stars Story development: slow where it shouldn't be and fast-paced where more could be included - 2 stars Character design: plain and basic with everyone cut from the same card - 2 stars World background: Basic fantasy - 3 stars Personal opinion: led around by the nose from the start by a child, the main character doesn't show the emotional intelligence of an adult who has had dozens of physical relationships and instead acts like pre pubescent boy who has seen a naked body for the first time.

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Ketsueki_Hasu
Ketsueki_HasuAuthor

May I ask how far you got into the book? I believe I explained that the book started slow; I don’t know what else to do on that front, as I wanted all character development, relationship building, and exposition to be done in the beginning rather than dropping huge bombs of info on people. As for the world itself; yes, it’s fantasy. I don’t know why that was a sore point? Kind of hard to reinvent the wheel, and I wanted to write about a typical fantasy world when I started the book; large medieval kingdoms and empires surrounding, or having, areas that created or ‘spawned’ monsters. May I also know how the characters are all the same? Are they not fleshed out enough or do they all fall under the same umbrella of being ‘evil’? I felt that they were all different enough to be there own characters? Was that not the case? What exactly was my problem with writing style? Repetitive? Bland? What ‘Flare’ am I missing? The main complaint; the personal opinion where you state she doesn’t act as like her ‘age’ and is embarrassed by bare skin, is explained in the book. Was that explanation not good enough? Thank you for the review, but I want to know why it was so low so that I can improve upon it in the future.

Panda_Stories
Panda_StoriesLv14

For some reason, I didn't see the entire comment, so I'll reply again. I don't dislike fantasy. The reason for 3 stars is that it was a basic fantasy filled with your dungeons, demons, empires, and magic power systems. There wasn't really anything unique that you added to push it to 4 stars or a totally new idea that would push it to 5. For the character. It not that they all seem evil but because they all speak and act the same. There is no distinction in position or education; there is no difference in their attitude to the main character, and there is no difference in their personalities. To me, they all feel like elderly mothers fussing over a child or snapping at ruffians on the street. For the writing, It is generally bland to read with no creative descriptions or actions, and repetitive actions like "followed her gaze" "looked in that direction." Things like that can either be said differently or not said at all. The 3 stars are for the high grammar and readability of your writing. For her embarrassment. Maybe I didn't read it well, but for me, it just felt like you made a problem out of nothing and over explained to the point that it just seem like she was genuinely embarrassed by looking at their bodies instead of an indecisiveness on whether it was appropriate or not for her to be there given her mental age. I re wrote my reply because you asked for genuine feedback and were so polite about it. So, I hope this helps.

Ryughaa
RyughaaLv14

I do agree with this comment tho

TyTyTy
TyTyTyLv11

NOOO my beautifully written comment, down the drain cause the page reloaded... Not writing that a second time so sorry if this sounds crude, but I'll just note it down. 1. Most of the characters before chapter 50 ARE mothers, so that point kind of feels.... meh. 2. The dungeons and monsters are 'basic', but coming up with a unique array of creatures for your story takes a lot more effort than most would care to think. 3. Children will act like their parents to some extent, but with all the characters feeling like they are the same, I have to disagree. They all act in their own different ways, and I can distinguish their traits for myself. 4. The magic system is far from 'basic' from what I've read in my life. It is a nice breath of fresh air, and while I have watched a movie with a similar concept with regards to runes and the magic tattoo's I've never hear of a magic system such as this one. It blends a bunch of ideas together that mix well. 5. Grammar mistakes are a product of not rereading the chapters post writing them/not having an editor or both. 6. The dialogue point is fair, but you can note differences between the main cast. I know I had a few other key points to mention but bleh.

Panda_Stories:For some reason, I didn't see the entire comment, so I'll reply again. I don't dislike fantasy. The reason for 3 stars is that it was a basic fantasy filled with your dungeons, demons, empires, and magic power systems. There wasn't really anything unique that you added to push it to 4 stars or a totally new idea that would push it to 5. For the character. It not that they all seem evil but because they all speak and act the same. There is no distinction in position or education; there is no difference in their attitude to the main character, and there is no difference in their personalities. To me, they all feel like elderly mothers fussing over a child or snapping at ruffians on the street. For the writing, It is generally bland to read with no creative descriptions or actions, and repetitive actions like "followed her gaze" "looked in that direction." Things like that can either be said differently or not said at all. The 3 stars are for the high grammar and readability of your writing. For her embarrassment. Maybe I didn't read it well, but for me, it just felt like you made a problem out of nothing and over explained to the point that it just seem like she was genuinely embarrassed by looking at their bodies instead of an indecisiveness on whether it was appropriate or not for her to be there given her mental age. I re wrote my reply because you asked for genuine feedback and were so polite about it. So, I hope this helps.
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