webnovel
Panda_Stories
Panda_StoriesLv142yr
2022-10-02 13:22

Write Quality: basic with no flare or anything original in it - 3 stars Story development: slow where it shouldn't be and fast-paced where more could be included - 2 stars Character design: plain and basic with everyone cut from the same card - 2 stars World background: Basic fantasy - 3 stars Personal opinion: led around by the nose from the start by a child, the main character doesn't show the emotional intelligence of an adult who has had dozens of physical relationships and instead acts like pre pubescent boy who has seen a naked body for the first time.

Liked by 8 people

LIKE
Replies4
Ketsueki_Hasu
Ketsueki_HasuAuthor

May I ask how far you got into the book? I believe I explained that the book started slow; I don’t know what else to do on that front, as I wanted all character development, relationship building, and exposition to be done in the beginning rather than dropping huge bombs of info on people. As for the world itself; yes, it’s fantasy. I don’t know why that was a sore point? Kind of hard to reinvent the wheel, and I wanted to write about a typical fantasy world when I started the book; large medieval kingdoms and empires surrounding, or having, areas that created or ‘spawned’ monsters. May I also know how the characters are all the same? Are they not fleshed out enough or do they all fall under the same umbrella of being ‘evil’? I felt that they were all different enough to be there own characters? Was that not the case? What exactly was my problem with writing style? Repetitive? Bland? What ‘Flare’ am I missing? The main complaint; the personal opinion where you state she doesn’t act as like her ‘age’ and is embarrassed by bare skin, is explained in the book. Was that explanation not good enough? Thank you for the review, but I want to know why it was so low so that I can improve upon it in the future.

Panda_Stories
Panda_StoriesLv14

For some reason, I didn't see the entire comment, so I'll reply again. I don't dislike fantasy. The reason for 3 stars is that it was a basic fantasy filled with your dungeons, demons, empires, and magic power systems. There wasn't really anything unique that you added to push it to 4 stars or a totally new idea that would push it to 5. For the character. It not that they all seem evil but because they all speak and act the same. There is no distinction in position or education; there is no difference in their attitude to the main character, and there is no difference in their personalities. To me, they all feel like elderly mothers fussing over a child or snapping at ruffians on the street. For the writing, It is generally bland to read with no creative descriptions or actions, and repetitive actions like "followed her gaze" "looked in that direction." Things like that can either be said differently or not said at all. The 3 stars are for the high grammar and readability of your writing. For her embarrassment. Maybe I didn't read it well, but for me, it just felt like you made a problem out of nothing and over explained to the point that it just seem like she was genuinely embarrassed by looking at their bodies instead of an indecisiveness on whether it was appropriate or not for her to be there given her mental age. I re wrote my reply because you asked for genuine feedback and were so polite about it. So, I hope this helps.

Ryughaa
RyughaaLv14

I do agree with this comment tho

TyTyTy
TyTyTyLv11

NOOO my beautifully written comment, down the drain cause the page reloaded... Not writing that a second time so sorry if this sounds crude, but I'll just note it down. 1. Most of the characters before chapter 50 ARE mothers, so that point kind of feels.... meh. 2. The dungeons and monsters are 'basic', but coming up with a unique array of creatures for your story takes a lot more effort than most would care to think. 3. Children will act like their parents to some extent, but with all the characters feeling like they are the same, I have to disagree. They all act in their own different ways, and I can distinguish their traits for myself. 4. The magic system is far from 'basic' from what I've read in my life. It is a nice breath of fresh air, and while I have watched a movie with a similar concept with regards to runes and the magic tattoo's I've never hear of a magic system such as this one. It blends a bunch of ideas together that mix well. 5. Grammar mistakes are a product of not rereading the chapters post writing them/not having an editor or both. 6. The dialogue point is fair, but you can note differences between the main cast. I know I had a few other key points to mention but bleh.

Panda_Stories:For some reason, I didn't see the entire comment, so I'll reply again. I don't dislike fantasy. The reason for 3 stars is that it was a basic fantasy filled with your dungeons, demons, empires, and magic power systems. There wasn't really anything unique that you added to push it to 4 stars or a totally new idea that would push it to 5. For the character. It not that they all seem evil but because they all speak and act the same. There is no distinction in position or education; there is no difference in their attitude to the main character, and there is no difference in their personalities. To me, they all feel like elderly mothers fussing over a child or snapping at ruffians on the street. For the writing, It is generally bland to read with no creative descriptions or actions, and repetitive actions like "followed her gaze" "looked in that direction." Things like that can either be said differently or not said at all. The 3 stars are for the high grammar and readability of your writing. For her embarrassment. Maybe I didn't read it well, but for me, it just felt like you made a problem out of nothing and over explained to the point that it just seem like she was genuinely embarrassed by looking at their bodies instead of an indecisiveness on whether it was appropriate or not for her to be there given her mental age. I re wrote my reply because you asked for genuine feedback and were so polite about it. So, I hope this helps.
Other Reviews
Related Stories

Re-birth: The Beginning after the End

Li Hua's reign as the twenty-first century's deadliest assassin ended in fire and betrayal. Her own sister, Li Min, turned their elite force against her, leaving nothing but ashes where a legend once stood. In the moment of her death, Li Hua's soul tore free from its earthly bonds, hurtling across the boundaries between worlds until it anchored itself in a new vessel in a realm of ancient martial arts and mystical cultivation. Through this impossible transition, her inner space remained intact—and with it, Little Firefly, her spirit companion. Here, where qi flows like rivers and mountains bow to those who master their cultivation, Li Hua will forge herself anew. No longer content to be merely an assassin of mortal flesh, she sets her sights on ascending to immortality itself—a journey that will shake the very foundations of heaven. DEDICATION To those of us whose cultivation path always leads to immortals with questionable morals and perfect jaw lines. May your daddy issues transcend the three realms and be rewarded with an ancient being who knows exactly what he's doing. AUTHOR'S NOTE Content Warning: This story contains mature themes. Reader discretion is advised. Updates: New chapters release Sunday through Friday, with Saturday as a rest day. Story Style: This is an epic fantasy with rich world-building and complex characters, woven together with a slow-burn romance subplot. Disclaimer: While this story incorporates some historical facts, it is primarily a work of fiction presenting my unique interpretation of events.

Vangyy · Fantasy
Not enough ratings
92 Chs

The Fate Of The World Is In My Hands, But All I Want To Do Is Eat!

'Kill monsters, eat meat' 'I mean, Kill monsters, save lives. Got it.' 'Tut, I could've sworn that the first one sounded better.' She wasn't a girl looking for freedom or self-righteous liberation by a hero, or whatever shit a girl who suffered for almost all her life would crave. -the shit of a life she was living was horrible, but it was bearable, and so she got used to it. Rather, instead of freedom, what this little missy wanted was money. Lots and lots of them so she never has to worry about the next day. Money - bountiful enough that when she has to spend, she doesn't need to look back or calculate her assets to see how much she has left. Money - bountiful enough to get all the fried chicken she could ever dream of. Yeah, you heard it, fried chicken. For those who did not have money to spare leisurely, getting fried chicken was like a pipe dream to them and she had been one of those unfortunate souls. A comfortable roof above her head and no worries as to when she would get ordered around to steal. No worries about when she would get her next meal-- That was her liberation. And she got it. Just that, she got it most absurdly. Awakened! Those were the people ruling the world, alongside beastly and deadly monsters who threatened the safety of average human beings. And those awakened call the shots. Alice never dreamed she would one day be awakened, and compared to others with their game-like system displaying their attributes and strength; she had a full-grown man whom only she could hear, watching her back at every turn and telling her what to do. He was kinda a pain in the ass but she couldn't complain. It was this gift he had bestowed on her that made her the most powerful Awakened there was with stats that even S-class awakeneds couldn't compare to. She was the boss, now. Mwa-hahahahaha. But life didn't go as easy and leisurely as she planned. With great power comes great responsibility, right? Well, in her case with great power comes great hunger. She couldn't go a moment without getting hungry and her stomach had become a bottomless pit. And to get food, she needed money, and to get money, she had to hunt monsters. The monsters plagued humanity, causing catastrophes and taking lives mercilessly. Those monsters, as scary as they may be, were her target and she had to face them head-on. The bigger the monsters the more money she would gain. Yeah, that was the plan, but... This guy acting as her system seemed to have other plans, putting her at the forefront of 'justice' and having her clean the mess he somewhat created. 'Ugh, I can already sense a shadow of foreboding. Someone, please tell me I'm not acting the main character role. I just want to eat, okay?'

Author_fredah · Fantasy
4.6
287 Chs

Omega's Rebirth

What was worse than death itself? Well it was dying knowing that no one would miss you, knowing that your death was a favour to everyone you ever knew. This was exactly how I felt the day I died. I was the love child of the Eclipse Alpha King, in a time where the mate bond was considered sacred, a child born out of wedlock was nothing short of sacrilegious... 'It was his fault, he loved someone other than his mate...' 'It was his fault, he had carnal knowledge of a human woman.' 'It was all his fault, my only crime was being born out of his lust.' But why was that Alpha King father of mine perfectly safe, while I was hated, scorned and blamed for everything instead? Why did I have to be my father's bargaining chip, used to achieve his goals? Why could I not get a rejection like everyone else but was instead murdered by my own mate? Why was I killed before I even had a chance to live? I had a thousand questions and yet there was no one to answer and this was exactly how I died... So why then did my eyes flutter open to that day, a month before my death? Was it because of my little secret? A secret I will tell no one else but you... From the title of my tale, you must think I am an omega wolf... No, you got it wrong... I am not an Omega wolf, I am an Alpha wolf and my name is Omega. ~Second Book in the Werewolf Rebirth Series. *Not a prequel or sequel to 'The Alpha King's Nemesis', both books are not related save for the world setting and Werewolf Rebirth concept. *Cover art sourced from the internet, all credits to the original artist.*

JHeart · Fantasy
4.7
742 Chs

The Crown's Seduction

[Warning: r18+/strong mature content] He is her salvation. She, his demise. Yet, he refuses to let her go… Mineah, the youngest Princess of Ebodia, was cursed at birth to remain untainted and bring misfortune to those around her. This prophecy looms over her like a dark cloud, growing bigger every year it does not come to pass. She exists in hushed rumors as a pitiful figure - fragile, meek, unwanted. Underneath that mask is a strong and feisty vixen worthy of being a queen. And this would-be queen has set her eyes on breaking her curse, even if that means tricking the most cunning vampire ever born. Nikolai, though reclusive and enigmatic, is revered by the Kingdom of Valcrez as a wise and powerful ruler. Unbeknownst to his loyal subjects, his image of perfection is a web of lies that if exposed can send their kingdom and everything they hold dear crumbling beneath their feet. When these two find their paths crossed in a marriage alliance, the game of Crown's Seduction begins. But just who is the hunter and who is the prey? ******** Excerpt: “Why are you stripping naked in front of me?” she questioned with a frown, doing little to hide the irritation in her voice. Her goal was to capture only his heart, not his whole body! “Am I not allowed to have a bath with my wife?” he remarked with a cold tone. “I purposely asked for a big tub to just make sure that the two of us will fit in it together.” She sighed, not tearing her gaze away from him as she regained her composure. Seeing him smirk she forced herself to get comfortable as he spoke. “That’s more like it. You said it yourself that no one forced you into marrying me. Instead, you offered and volunteered yourself willingly for it, so I expect that you’ll be confident enough to share a bath with your husband,” Nikolai confidently stated. “After all, we’ll do more than this soon enough.” Shameless… Preventing herself from rolling her eyes, she managed to give him a smile as she said, “Don’t blame me if you die on me then.” **** Note: Volume 1: Main Story Status - Completed (Chapters 1 to 403) Volume 2: Side Story Status - Completed (Chapters 404 to 472) Volume 3: Side Story Status - **** PS: Commissioned Book Cover owned by the Author! Do not use it!

Eustoma_Reyna · Fantasy
4.8
488 Chs