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John_Kula
John_KulaLv42yr
2022-09-05 04:51

I'm writing this review as of chapter 70. I think this series has a lot of potential! But it could use some work to realize it. I know it currently has over 800 chapters at the time of this writing so maybe these issues are addressed by now but I'm just giving my thoughts about what I've read so far. I think this story takes a very different approach to stories that involve the main character having a system in a world where everyone has one. Systems are generally made to make the growth of the characters easier and or faster than it would be without one. After all, why spend years working out and training relentlessly to become strong when you can just level up and do quests? But with this work, the bad guys are manipulating the game/system to try and make it so the main character and the rest of humanity don't get strong. So the main character has to be smart enough to find ways to make the system work for him instead of against him. All while screwing over the bad guys that are trying to screw him over. It helps the story feel unique. I also like that there doesn't seem to be much Deus Ex Machina going on. Every challenge the MC wins against is because of his strategies and not because he pulled some power out of nowhere. But there are problems. One is that are are fairly frequent grammatical and spelling errors. Some are more noticeable than others. The second problem is that the story doesn't seem to know if it wants to be a harem or not. It also seems like there's a bit too much info given at once to keep track of sometimes. It just feels like the story's scope is already way too big for where it currently is. But overall I think this is a pretty good work that deserves a good look.

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ranmaro
ranmaroAuthor

First of all thanks for such detailed review on my novel. I think it's by far the best review I ever got with such fair opinion about the pros and cons of the novel. As for the system, it's indeed as you expected. I planned the novel to have system that won't do what's became a cliche. I'm glad you liked it though as it's a new approach for such trope. As for the grammar, well I wrote in British english and that might have caused many problems in spelling. For example, the word organized in american is written as organised in British. It's not a wrong spelling, but the same word written in different english that's all. But I'll hire an editor to start working on the novel starting from next month to make sure things are more controlled. I admit that I lack time to edit and revise it like before thanks to my big release rate and so an editor is a neccessity. As for the last part, what do you think about making a manual of the novel explaining the big framework I planned and added lots of details to during the past months of writing? Will that help a little to solve that problem? I just planned a huge setting and I can't help but use it a lot so it gives you and other readers the same feeling. Thanks again and I hope you enjoy what's yet to come in the novel. Have a nice day.

John_Kula
John_KulaLv4

Thanks! I think having one or a few chapters at the beginning that explains basic facts about the world would go a long way in keeping reader interest. Maybe a glossary of terms or ideas of power levels so we know exactly how strong someone is. An explanation of cultivation and traits would definitely be needed. Your novel is taking a different approach than others and there are a lot of things I don't understand or am not 100% sure on. There's a difference between having a mystery and not giving your audience enough information to connect with and believe in the world you've made. Not to mention, some readers may put it down for a while, come back, and be completely lost. It's not necessarily a bad thing to drip feed the world building to the audience instead of shoving it down our throats all at once, but there's so much world building that at this point, I don't think the drip feed is sufficient. What this all boils down to is that at this point, we just don't really know the rules of the game. And the whole basis of the story is that Hye as the main character is a rule breaker and a rebel against the system. So it just doesn't mean nearly as much for him to be a rule breaker when we don't know what rules he's even breaking. So I and I think many others would appreciate some chapters at the beginning with some explanations on the world. I think that would do a lot for our enjoyment of the work.

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