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Thirdus
ThirdusLv43yr
2021-06-15 10:24

1. The writing, especially the grammar, needs a lot of work. It is readable tho. 2. The story development is pretty much nonexistent? What I mean to say is that the authot could write pretty good stories. But he seems to easily get bored of his own ideas that he semi-retcons them. So much so that the vast majority of the chapters as of the making of this review are redundant. For example, the MC goes and builds a massive intergalactic union to fight the skrulls and kree. Then some god forces the MC to sleep for thousands of years cuz he's breaking the balance or something. He then wakes up in the 1800's(he was born 3000bc) and it only ever gets mentioned in passing. So the past 30+ chapters don't matter anymore. Another example is how the MC first falls in love after he wakes up, which is a surprise since the MC is a woman hater(I'll get to this later).. He gets married complete with kids and a romance stories to boot. Then author retcons it again by making the MC wake up in a spaceship in 2008. Saying that all that happened was just a dream from another reality. So the last 10-15 chapters didn't matter. The author can't seem to stick to his guns which is a shame cuz the stories are genuinely engaging for a beginner. And since he keeps retconning stuff, I can't get emotionally invested in the story. 3. The MC is fine? I guess? Pretty bland tbh. Think the blank slate RPG MC's that never talks. Like Chrono Trigger or Dragon Age. But those MC's represent 'you', so it works. They're what you imagine to be. But here, he's like a blank slate. Like a machine. Until he fell in love, which was great. But then author retconned it. Oh and MC is also a woman hater. Either that or he's gay lol. He's like people saying 'a beer is better than women' dialled up to 11. The author might say otherwise, but that was how he portrayed it with all the rules the MC had. Which was basically 'don't look, talk, touch, listen to any girl. Period'. 4. Author updates a lot so I'm not gonna talk about that. 5. The world development is actually pretty good. Obviously it vould use some work but the shadow dimension is genuinely interesting. And the author knows how to write the 'atmosphere and ambiance' of places really well. Overall, the ff is fine. But it's not something you'd get invested in because of all the retcons.

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Replies3
valient_vicky
valient_vickyAuthor

I just wrote this story without proper idea but I try my best in doing something

ThanatosGreekGod
ThanatosGreekGodLv14

I was excited for the story but all that sounds like the forbidden word Nerf I know I said it! Anyways I dont wish to read a story where he gets a fake life or his entire life flips so much Also this gives me the “I have amnesia” vibes and ever since percy Jackson Ive hated those books Moral of the story thank you for the warning book just isnt for me

valient_vicky
valient_vickyAuthor

I apologize for the delay in updating. After three years, I’ve finally had the opportunity to revise and enhance the grammar and sentence structure of my story. The process of refining these elements is aimed at making the narrative more engaging and professionally crafted.

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