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crinix
crinixLv131yr
2023-04-28 00:58

First of all grammar and writing is quite good. But writing and story progression left much to desire. We are not properly given character background of MC so he doesn't have any real depth to it...it feels like Author is making things up as story goes on, while it is not a bad thing but it feel frustrating like we don't even know the age of MC, it is stated that the MC died in sleep and he felt pain in chest so it is like he is over 20 as children between 12 to 17 doesn't get heart attack if they don't have serious heart problem...so it would make sense he is over 20 but he is flirting with Zatana. The one main plot hole that Author didn't address was memories of his past life, when Cadmus were teaching him telepathy.. didn't they would have seen his memories!???? it's like Author just gave up and didn't even write some explanation for it

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Replies8
Arokey
ArokeyAuthor

Reading this I can see that you didn’t read this book at all. Either that or you weren’t able to understand it at all because there was a chapter where his age was revealed. If you want to write a review at least understand what you read.

Arokey
ArokeyAuthor

I would like to assume that you’re intelligent enough to know the reason why Cadmus didn’t discover his memories. It was explicitly stated that the genomorphs basiically ‘downloaded’ the knowledge on how to use telepathy into his head. Second of all, the genomorphs were tasked with implanting knowledge inside his mind and not to peruse it so why would they see his memories. How could they know that the Mc took over the clone’s body. It was also never implied that he transmigrated before they ‘taught’ him telepathy I apologize for making such assumptions…

Sir_Squirrle
Sir_SquirrleLv4

author, my I know who the love interest is if there is one? or is this a harem?

Arokey:Reading this I can see that you didn’t read this book at all. Either that or you weren’t able to understand it at all because there was a chapter where his age was revealed. If you want to write a review at least understand what you read.
crinix
crinixLv13

so you are saying that someone who is making a clone of one the most powerful justice league hero isn't interested in finding out how their Creation mind is turning out....and you are telling me during the time failsafe that they implanted in his "mind"(please note the emphasis on the mind) they didn't find about his memories, and what about the Queen bee or whatever apparition that was in his...to me it just sound like lousy writing

Arokey:I would like to assume that you’re intelligent enough to know the reason why Cadmus didn’t discover his memories. It was explicitly stated that the genomorphs basiically ‘downloaded’ the knowledge on how to use telepathy into his head. Second of all, the genomorphs were tasked with implanting knowledge inside his mind and not to peruse it so why would they see his memories. How could they know that the Mc took over the clone’s body. It was also never implied that he transmigrated before they ‘taught’ him telepathy I apologize for making such assumptions…
Arokey
ArokeyAuthor

Did you even read what I wrote…

crinix:so you are saying that someone who is making a clone of one the most powerful justice league hero isn't interested in finding out how their Creation mind is turning out....and you are telling me during the time failsafe that they implanted in his "mind"(please note the emphasis on the mind) they didn't find about his memories, and what about the Queen bee or whatever apparition that was in his...to me it just sound like lousy writing
1_Am_A_New_God
1_Am_A_New_GodLv4

drop it he's too stupid this guy

Arokey:Did you even read what I wrote…
Koloja
KolojaLv2

Hahhahahah You've made my day

crinix:so you are saying that someone who is making a clone of one the most powerful justice league hero isn't interested in finding out how their Creation mind is turning out....and you are telling me during the time failsafe that they implanted in his "mind"(please note the emphasis on the mind) they didn't find about his memories, and what about the Queen bee or whatever apparition that was in his...to me it just sound like lousy writing
David_Holbrook_9077
David_Holbrook_9077Lv2

Most likely, the reason why they didn't see his memories is because he was blank and then merged after he developed those Telepathy powers thigys.

Other Reviews
Truth_Only_Reader
Truth_Only_ReaderLv5

Writing Quality: So it has good grammar, I don't see any writing mistakes so far, if they are they are not that noticeable. The main premise of this story is that the MC is a clone of both Black Canary and Martian Manhunter labeled as project MARS. The MC has the abilities of Martian Manhunter while having the looks of a male version of Black Canary. In which he is recruited into the young justice team the same time as Superboy. I so far really love his character, he is mature and realistic in handling situations. There is a lot of good character development happening between the MC and Black Canary as they get closer with their mother and son relationship which is wholesome. It seems like the love interest is leaning towards Zantanna and let be honest, who wouldn't want Zantanna as a girlfriend. But its early so far, so I can't make a conclusion on who the love interest is as when writing this review is a bit too early to conclude. I really like how the author portray the story so far, its almost like the character is canon when reading this novel, or almost like the actual show. Really enjoying it so far. Also the MC is smart, not Genius smart, but smart. Story Development: Pacing is fine so far, there are fight scenes and wholesome scenes. It isn't fast or slow, it is just right when it comes to the pacing so far at least. Story Development is really enjoyable once you read you can't look back. Character Designs: World of Young Justice characters basically. The MC just looks like the book cover or a male version of black Canary but younger. Updating Stability: It updates frequently, not everyday but frequently. As most of these author fanfics sometimes updates are random. World Background: It's young justice what more do you need to know? Conclusion: So far good fanfiction, there are a lot of things I would recommend for the novel, such as making more relationships with the Senior Justice League members, as I want to see more interactions with other people. Other than that, its a good fanfiction, and I hope you enjoy the read. If you have problems with my review just let me know so I can do better in the future, thank you.

CharlieRider
CharlieRiderLv4
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