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Stillness_Of_DeathLv13yr
2021-08-14 08:54

Writing: Not bad but needs improvement. Update: No comment. I mean every HP fanfics start with at a dozen chapters but very few maintain their momentum while the rest are dropped. Storyline: MC's too OP and no proper explanation for MC'S Powers. Character: Typical OP MCish behavior. Nothing that stands from other dropped fanfics. I mean nothing is perfect. Fanfics are like what we would have done if we're in HP kind of thing. As humans are not perfect the author should mix failures in success. I mean like how can a normal human can control magic and fight better than most adults at age of 5/10 year old albeit the human is a transmigration without hard work and years of experience even if he is creative is beyond my imagination. Long story short if you need to have a OP MC then write in the perspective of a normal human from Earth. Not everyone are genius you know. Background: No comment. Story is still young.

Liked by 62 people

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Replies3
CultreevationLv10

I think writing is okay. It has to be mentioned that its MTL so the algorithms have improved xD.

AzureFluteFan2Lv4

The dude soils himself if his mom so much as looks in his direction, this is such a weird cliche that irks me anytime I see it

Genn_starsLv3

That's kind of...

AzureFluteFan2:The dude soils himself if his mom so much as looks in his direction, this is such a weird cliche that irks me anytime I see it
Other Reviews
TheKindlyGentlemanLv6

Even Ignoring the fact that you can't train occlumecy without the assistance of a legilimens, that you can't successfully train controlled Magic until the age of 11, that occlumecy and legilimency take years to train to novice mastery, let alone the full mastery required to augment ones memories, that training one martial art to full mastery requires at least half a decade of dedicated work, let alone 4-8 martial arts with only semi-dedication, that you can't learn magical spells based upon what you've learned from movies and books from another life taught with the use of a wand in mind, wandlessly. Ignoring all of that, creating a character that is so Overpowered before Canon even starts, such that at his current rate of progression he will never be in danger at any point in the story, makes for a horribly boring and bland tale indeed. This is complete wish fulfillment, it is not at all realistic even for fantasy fiction. what's more the grammar while decent enough to read is still below average and often repetitive. all in all I recommend the author is clear and concise with whatever point they may be trying to get across, that they describe the environment around the character more often and in more detail, that they stop giving written diatribes of what the character plans to do and more of what they are currently doing, that they make the character face danger and adversity more often and that the character is given more of a personality, with faults and quirks and that the character is not so strong so fast, AT MOST they should be at the level of a third year at the end of the first year.

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