webnovel
Fenrir_zeroLv34yr
2021-02-18 07:33

Everything is good so far, I say so far since there wasn’t enough chaps to actually judge it good. I just wanna give ideas, don’t make the mother be a very easy capture, he is still her son, she took care of him since he was a child so there is bound to be complications when he abruptly changes his view on her, just take it slow. The big sister, perfect, couldn’t have done that better, lil sis, perfect, reminds me of ‘Little rascal doesn’t want to meet a bad end’. Make him do exercise early on, but not to the level where after a year timeskip, he can destroy mountains, that’s stupid, just enough to get him going. Don’t make this guy rely on his system all the time, since you wrote that he is a straight A student then he should be pretty smart, and people who are good at chess are very good at tactics and split second decision making so you can make use of that. When he starts his first se.x scene, take advantage of the fact that he has watch a lot of **** and hentai that he knows how to pleasure women even though he is a virgin, I already tried that, and I was glad I spent a couple of hours watching po.rn and hen.tai. Don’t let him be a pushover, It’s kinda weird being a harem protagonist while you’re being dominated in bed. 100 chaps is too long for a se.x scene, just do timeskip dude.

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ChaoskingAuthor

Thanks for your review!!! 1)first of all yes to all those questions about wether the mother would be in the harem. i plan on adding her but only after Austin has grown up and it wont be instant, i plan to take time for that and give pov's of how the feeling of the mother changes 2) the novel may contain some similarities to "litttle tyrant dosent want a bad ending", cause i like the novel and added a few perks from it, but i havent taken any mager story items, only a few common words and stuff's 3) i said the *** scenes would be late because, i wanted to give time for him to make the girls fall in love with him, i just dont want any 2D character with no life, plus in the chaps i have added, he cannot loose his virginity untill 17 but dont worry after the first *** scene i will be adding a lot more to it

Fenrir_zeroLv3

I know how you feel about relationships being bland if rushed, I just wanna say that you add a se.x scene while progressing a relationship of another heroine. It will also add another effect that because other heroines are already having se.x with MC, she will be forced to hasten and think about her relationship with the MC which will either be good or bad depending on your take.

Chaosking:Thanks for your review!!! 1)first of all yes to all those questions about wether the mother would be in the harem. i plan on adding her but only after Austin has grown up and it wont be instant, i plan to take time for that and give pov's of how the feeling of the mother changes 2) the novel may contain some similarities to "litttle tyrant dosent want a bad ending", cause i like the novel and added a few perks from it, but i havent taken any mager story items, only a few common words and stuff's 3) i said the *** scenes would be late because, i wanted to give time for him to make the girls fall in love with him, i just dont want any 2D character with no life, plus in the chaps i have added, he cannot loose his virginity untill 17 but dont worry after the first *** scene i will be adding a lot more to it
WeezyfLv3

True! You can also do one night stands with random girls, doesnt always have to be relationship until ***!

Darin4Lv14

Just don't add a bitch, if you will add one, can you reply to this so that i can avoid this novel. Bitch/slut or those who will sell their body in the past like that.

Chaosking:Thanks for your review!!! 1)first of all yes to all those questions about wether the mother would be in the harem. i plan on adding her but only after Austin has grown up and it wont be instant, i plan to take time for that and give pov's of how the feeling of the mother changes 2) the novel may contain some similarities to "litttle tyrant dosent want a bad ending", cause i like the novel and added a few perks from it, but i havent taken any mager story items, only a few common words and stuff's 3) i said the *** scenes would be late because, i wanted to give time for him to make the girls fall in love with him, i just dont want any 2D character with no life, plus in the chaps i have added, he cannot loose his virginity untill 17 but dont worry after the first *** scene i will be adding a lot more to it
Animelover1416Lv5

Take it easy author all we want a good story and u are already showing great potential👌. just keep it up 👍and I have also read 'little tyrant dosen't want a bad end' so yeah I can resonate with u. We want more time skip and ecchi scenes.

Venom_GodLv12

good call...i wanna know too

Darin4:Just don't add a bitch, if you will add one, can you reply to this so that i can avoid this novel. Bitch/slut or those who will sell their body in the past like that.
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