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ForgottenHope
ForgottenHopeLv44yr
2021-02-11 04:10

I don't want to bash you in, like the other guy did on his review. i know this is your first novel and your still improving but am gonna have to drop. Your mc is just way to annoying, i really did try and read more, but at this point am just skimming through chapters. (Mc problems) 1: The fact the he actually paid for the wand that was disposable was just bad, he could have still made excuses or try to haggle over the wand, you think he would learn a thing or two over haggling because he grew in that type of environment, but no, He didn't. 2: Some what the same problem, butcher guy was to ripping him off but as soon as he thought that the butcher guy was helping him with the girl, he dropped everything thing because he thought he was a "man of culture" for helping him with the girl. 3: MOST ANNOYING PROBLEM OF THEM ALL! Annoying simp mc, Jesus Christ the first pretty girl that he meets he instantly goes monke mode for her, I can't imagine what would happen when he meets someone like a Princess or a Queen, that look more beautiful than her or some other higher being that's more beautiful.

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Idczhen
IdczhenAuthor

Hmm, your bashing is logical and reasonable so I appreciate your review. 1. Indeed, haggling would be fine but since he was in confusion at that time and have Sense to detect a person's temperature to detect if lying, he didn't overthink that. 2. Because you have reviewed before re-reading my just edited chapter 1 to have it improve, I understand your point. What I'm trying to say is that the MC has zero knowledge of romantic relationship and it's his first time. He just a lonely man that wants to cuddle and be lovey dovey with a beauty. 3. Can't really reason with my MC being simp as I simply respect a female and not try to have them as Background character or wallpaper. I want to write in my novel that female can also be strong by themselves. Overall, I'm thankful for this review and would try to fix the mistake if it doesn't ruin the whole flow of the story.

ForgottenHope
ForgottenHopeLv4

Well i like your idea but the presentation is not really that good. Which is understandable because it is your first novel after all. Am just gonna come back until his character gets better or until there's more chapters.

Idczhen:Hmm, your bashing is logical and reasonable so I appreciate your review. 1. Indeed, haggling would be fine but since he was in confusion at that time and have Sense to detect a person's temperature to detect if lying, he didn't overthink that. 2. Because you have reviewed before re-reading my just edited chapter 1 to have it improve, I understand your point. What I'm trying to say is that the MC has zero knowledge of romantic relationship and it's his first time. He just a lonely man that wants to cuddle and be lovey dovey with a beauty. 3. Can't really reason with my MC being simp as I simply respect a female and not try to have them as Background character or wallpaper. I want to write in my novel that female can also be strong by themselves. Overall, I'm thankful for this review and would try to fix the mistake if it doesn't ruin the whole flow of the story.
Idczhen
IdczhenAuthor

Well, I'm glad you gave me a chance to begin with. This is indeed my first novel so to get pass my first few chapters is already an achievement in my book. I have re-edit my chapter 1 and chapter 2 so if you ever feel like giving my novel a try, please read those chapter first.

ForgottenHope:Well i like your idea but the presentation is not really that good. Which is understandable because it is your first novel after all. Am just gonna come back until his character gets better or until there's more chapters.
Shreyash_Mankar
Shreyash_MankarLv2

Ya

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Idczhen
IdczhenAuthor

I have decided to write my second review after having 63 chapters so far and I want to let you know a few things. One, this is my first novel so it's not a surprised for you to see so many flaws in it. Two, I never written a novel chapter format before but I have learned as I continue to write more. Now let's go to the pros and cons of this novel. Pros Stability in update of course is great and the storyline is unique in it's own way as the protagonist does not "follow the book" rules. It has some comedies and light-heart moment in a serious situation. The MC may seem like a simp but he's not because he has no lover like many male out there. Therefore, it's hard to know how to act around a female considering his inexperience. Not much pros as this novel is just the beginning of me writing in an impulse. Cons Let's say the grammars and tense could really make the story a bit confusing but smart readers should understand my meaning. Of course, if you found some wrong use of tense, do let me know so I can fix it and not look like a fool. The POV aka point of view does changes multiple time through out the novel but as I'm writing this review now. I have fully decided to get rid of the first POV to third POV as it's easier and gives me a wider range in story telling. The fight scene are not that great given I don't specialize nor have experience in how to portray one. But I will try my best to improve it and please be lenient for once. Overall, I didn't rate myself highly since most of the category is either a 3 star or 4star except for my stability of updates. I just hope you will give me a chance as a new writer in here. Thank you for reading my really long review. (However, a review should be this long to begin with xD)

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