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yokedjaguar
yokedjaguarLv144yr
2020-11-07 07:07

Frankly it's just hard to read. Even if your an ******* some of the mistakes shouldn't have been made especially if you've read other stories. In example your overzealous need for the readers to know your mc is the most handsome man to grace the earth. You also need to learn how to write in general. Hope you'll strive to better your work but at the moment I don't think your up for it. Good luck.

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amaturewriter
amaturewriterLv4

Aeternabilis
AeternabilisLv14

I'm not gonna lie, this has very interesting ideas but to me, it was poorly executed. The mc is just way too strong it is a joke. He is basically a god... I loved his backstory (other than the part where the fam should have been killed by Grindelwald and not Voldemort) For me, his three wishes should have been the family background, his looks and maybe something like potent magic power? Then it should have shown the mc growing up, learning all the secrets of his house and the things with the dragons maybe even getting his own. So he won't be a god but is still pretty op from the things he learns in his travels and from his family. We can watch him learn these feeling closer to the character. Then he comes back to do everything mainly build his city and focus on that. Forget all these other things such as controlling muggle world all the magical market's etc He can link his islands as resorts etc that you teleport to from the city, create the private school, the stadium etc. This can then grow and build on into canon and see how it affects the world. Maybe even have it mixed into marvel or something. Having your own magical city in marvel etc. I feel these would have been much more interesting to read tbh. Cause instead I feel what I am reading is a god mc where everything just jumps about, skipping massive parts, making random sht up and adding it in with no thought... It goes way to fast to the point you get confused about what has happened and how. Like he is suddenly friends with the goblin nation, he has all these girls that he gains in seconds etc etc The book is also wayy to focused on how amazingly handsome the mc is and how every girl or person that sees him is start struck and want to worship him... it's honestly like half the story is about this. I hope the author reads this and slows down, think about the plot more etc gl to him

Tri123
Tri123Lv5
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