First off, it was actually a really good story for a while. He was op, but he didnt start with like the rinnegan or some other broken eye power. What he got was strong, but also versatile and used in a cool way. The downfall of the story is the female lead. The way she interacts with, becomes friends with, and partners with him is nonsensical. How is a 14 year old level 90+ have that much freedom? Realistically she would be a government slave or lab rat. The dialogue is just...forced and fake. Can you, author, really imagine two people in real life saying the things they said to each other outside the camp? And becoming his girlfriend just like that? For a battle hardened warrior, no matter the age, that was an immature and illogical thing to do. Also when she followed him, how does she have nothing better to do? She was base commander feom my understanding. Command positions involve 1 thing...paperwork, and she never does any? Unless that is how the school operates and it is completely independent from the government. If that was the case, the government was not nearly as oppressive as the mc thinks. Outside the character flaw that is the female lead, the mc is immature for someone with his childhood. Unless he is drunk on power nobody raised like that eould have the confidence to even dream of having a girl like the female lead. Sociological and Psychological conditioning would have made sure of that. Finally, some things in the world dont make sense, like hos a government issues mecha woth an AI in a world woth apparently nanotechnology relies on a code kept on a piece of paper in a professional pilot and solderis picket. Really? Overall though, it was still a great story derailed by poor exexution of the female lead. I would say work on making dialogue and character interactions less forced and plot driven, and more natural and character driven. Also, I would say reread your story and try to find things that dont add up like the mecha issue, I think you will find more than just that.
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LIKEPlease ignore the typos, writing on a phone with no autocorrect is harder than i imagined.
i very heavily disagree with your assessment of status difference romance being “unthinkable”. i mean how must you have been raised in this day and age to still have the mindset of a peasant born in medieval times in europe? where i live in america no matter your social standing you’re completely unrestricted in who you can date whether it be foreign royalty or a vice president. now the actual president would be difficult since they’re usually already married and such but i mean seriously even if status difference romance was realistically impossible i would refuse to let that influence a fantasy world where such a thing makes for the best romance. now i haven’t read the novel so i can’t really tell if anything else you said was off or incorrect or if it was just the status difference thing but i just needed to point that out.
Why do you wanna make this some political novel where mc has to spend all his time chasing after the girl and dealing with government schemes?
My issue wasnt really that he had romance with someone powerful, it was how it was done. Someone of her power at her age was described (i believe, been ages since i read this) as incredibly rare. Yet, she has time to personally follow a recruit she finds slightly interesting. yes, you can have romance with someone of power....but ehata the actual chances of that? A nobody pike the mc becoming the gf of a powerful person literally like days after meeting her is crazy. Should jave at least put more time into developing the relationship first.
Because i like my stories to be somehwat realistic, even in a fantasy. He doesnt need to chase her and get cucked...i just dont want it to happen within like 5 chapters of meeting her.
That's not all though, the comment you reply to speaks of how it is in America... Like really dude here he is speaking of a modern world where anyone can basically get a gun to kill or protect themself and a world where someone with power or influence can basically go on the street kill people who look at them wrongly with no repricussion...
nice review
your making a wrong comparison. what do you think your chances are withselena gomez, or kim kardashian? This is the problem in social status
Heavily agree
Ur the type of person who, when gives a negative review, points out the proboems. Not some bores snob who just starts insulting with no reason
