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Boghog
BoghogLv125yr
2019-10-21 11:47

This novel started off as an interesting premise but im currently at the start of chapter 12, and all I can say is wtf is happening, The characters are not explained at all, we don't have anything like either their POV of events or even thoughts, The MC's master Maria, has no ambitions, no personality apart from trying to get into the MC's pants at a tender 5 years old, and has none of the Pride or Ego that you would expect her to have being in the position of being the daughter of a fairly renowned Duke(I don't even know that, I'm just guessing, author hasn't even explained anything about the Duke), also she has not gained any pride from her appraisal that was held at the church where it was proclaimed that she was a Prodigy and a Hero Candidate along with very high "Stats", it is like that event never happened because there have been no consequences that have come of it, it only happened to give the MC a chance to start using his abilities. And onto the MC, I know very little about him, He was a 45 year old mercenary veteran in his old life, apparently he was also a virgin too, even though that is practically impossible and also not relevant at all,and thats all i know, he has no ambition in this new life, no difficulties that he has to work towards, acts like an average guntaku and thinks like one too, he just so far has been given everything on a silver platter so far, he is supposed to be a servent, but he is so much stronger than everyone its hilarious, like if he thought about it and had enough mana, he could just create a replica of earth with everyone proclaiming absolute alligence to him because he created them, And that is the low ball of it, he could imagine a death star if he wanted to, but he is staying to real life things that he saw in his previous life for no reason at all. Anyway Rant over, sorry for that deluge of text. SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER He has just rescued two beastkin children from slavery at the hands of nobles, They are of course wolf beastkin because its a requirment for isekai/reincarnation, and so far they are as interesting as paint, the male beastkin had a little argument with the MC where he refuse to attack a panther because he was told to, which to me is pretty god damm reasonable, The MC then used "Killing intent" and grabbed the males sword and told him that he would regret it, and the male then immediately gave up and did what he was told, not even with a grumble, its also shown later that the male doesn't even get mad over it, he forgets about it almost immediately. This was a rather big example but it goes to show that the MC just gets a free pass in everything and now semi knowing the authors thought processes, its going to be like this for the rest of the novel and I just cant stand that, as its a sign of being a really bad writer that can't think up of challenges for his MC/Cast. The sentences are very start and stop and offer very little information, the other characters don't really exist as the narrative goes, you could replace them with cardboard cut-outs and nothing of value would be lost and you would not notice a thing. So I'm going to keep reading and see if it gets better, (I REALLY doubt it) more like I'm just trying to find more ammo to throw at the author. Sorry it kinda turned into a rant, I just got really annoyed reading it, cause I have been reading for many years, along with actually good quality grammar and structure. To the Author if he does not delete this review ( which I will repost, im saving it onto my hard drive) please take a break from writing, and check out some of the more well known novels on this site to get a feel of how a narrative between two or more characters should go, along with spending more time going over your logic in the chapters as I have posted in the paragraph comments, some fixes that you should do. But so far you just need to add more detail and stop with the time skips while giving us no info of what happened during that time. Thanks in advance, A concerned Reader

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Replies15
MaxwellKHA
MaxwellKHAAuthor

Ok, I will search for further mistakes. Thanks for the critics and the suggestion. Appreciate it. Don't worry I won't delete it since it contains building criticism. I appreciate it a lot. Best regards

MaxwellKHA
MaxwellKHAAuthor

How far have you read for now? Tell me the flaws beside that one so I could fix that ASAP. Even if it's must be brutally honest. I don't mind the rant really since you have given me a constructive feedback. Thanks

MaxwellKHA:Ok, I will search for further mistakes. Thanks for the critics and the suggestion. Appreciate it. Don't worry I won't delete it since it contains building criticism. I appreciate it a lot. Best regards
Boghog
BoghogLv12

I'm now up to chapter 40 and wow, there is a lot I can say. The MC has just given up on trying to be stealthy and is blatantly doing whatever he wants, damm the consequences, even though he tried to hide his abilities for close to 8 years from everyone else. I remember that in a chapter around 20 or so, the MC tells us that he doesn't kill just for the hell of it, but in the flyover of the academy the MC and the two girls kill all the dragon knights that go up to do their job and defend the city, which are the equivalent of SWAT for the city. This makes no sense and just contradicts the MCs morals about senseless killings. You have started to try to add emotion to the conversations, but it just feels forced and then two lines down the MC forgets that he was even mad in the first place. Like the waterboarding scene, wtf is with that, that could have easily killed the MC, its not a prank for revenge, that is legitimate torture, if my friends did that to me, I would have never been friends with them ever again along with beating them black and blue. That chapter really didn't make me think it was funny or that the MC deserved it. There is a lot more but right now its 7am for me and I have to get ready for my day. Thanks in advance, A Concerned Reader

MaxwellKHA:How far have you read for now? Tell me the flaws beside that one so I could fix that ASAP. Even if it's must be brutally honest. I don't mind the rant really since you have given me a constructive feedback. Thanks
MaxwellKHA
MaxwellKHAAuthor

Thank you for your attention. I appreciate it a lot. Well, I think you're right in the part where the emotion is forced. Thanks for the advice. Have a nice day. Best regards -Author

Boghog:I'm now up to chapter 40 and wow, there is a lot I can say. The MC has just given up on trying to be stealthy and is blatantly doing whatever he wants, damm the consequences, even though he tried to hide his abilities for close to 8 years from everyone else. I remember that in a chapter around 20 or so, the MC tells us that he doesn't kill just for the hell of it, but in the flyover of the academy the MC and the two girls kill all the dragon knights that go up to do their job and defend the city, which are the equivalent of SWAT for the city. This makes no sense and just contradicts the MCs morals about senseless killings. You have started to try to add emotion to the conversations, but it just feels forced and then two lines down the MC forgets that he was even mad in the first place. Like the waterboarding scene, wtf is with that, that could have easily killed the MC, its not a prank for revenge, that is legitimate torture, if my friends did that to me, I would have never been friends with them ever again along with beating them black and blue. That chapter really didn't make me think it was funny or that the MC deserved it. There is a lot more but right now its 7am for me and I have to get ready for my day. Thanks in advance, A Concerned Reader
MaxwellKHA
MaxwellKHAAuthor

Thank you for your attention. I appreciate it a lot. Well, I think you're right in the part where the emotion is forced. Thanks for the advice. Have a nice day. Best regards -Author

Boghog:I'm now up to chapter 40 and wow, there is a lot I can say. The MC has just given up on trying to be stealthy and is blatantly doing whatever he wants, damm the consequences, even though he tried to hide his abilities for close to 8 years from everyone else. I remember that in a chapter around 20 or so, the MC tells us that he doesn't kill just for the hell of it, but in the flyover of the academy the MC and the two girls kill all the dragon knights that go up to do their job and defend the city, which are the equivalent of SWAT for the city. This makes no sense and just contradicts the MCs morals about senseless killings. You have started to try to add emotion to the conversations, but it just feels forced and then two lines down the MC forgets that he was even mad in the first place. Like the waterboarding scene, wtf is with that, that could have easily killed the MC, its not a prank for revenge, that is legitimate torture, if my friends did that to me, I would have never been friends with them ever again along with beating them black and blue. That chapter really didn't make me think it was funny or that the MC deserved it. There is a lot more but right now its 7am for me and I have to get ready for my day. Thanks in advance, A Concerned Reader
ArashiTenebris
ArashiTenebrisLv5

well, you can check the youtuber series name 'terrible writing advice' and 'tropes talk', so you not make those rockie mistake, at least in those topic there

MaxwellKHA
MaxwellKHAAuthor

Ok, Will check it out thanks

MaxwellKHA
MaxwellKHAAuthor

Haha, The videos are fun to watch and learn. Thank you so much. It's literally satirizing every aspect of my story and I like that.

ArashiTenebris:well, you can check the youtuber series name 'terrible writing advice' and 'tropes talk', so you not make those rockie mistake, at least in those topic there
MaxwellKHA
MaxwellKHAAuthor

"I remember that in a chapter around 20 or so, the MC tells us that he doesn't kill just for the hell of it, but in the flyover of the academy the MC and the two girls kill all the dragon knights that go up to do their job and defend the city, which is the equivalent of SWAT for the city. This makes no sense and just contradicts the MC's morals about senseless killings." Which exact part? I don't know.

Boghog:I'm now up to chapter 40 and wow, there is a lot I can say. The MC has just given up on trying to be stealthy and is blatantly doing whatever he wants, damm the consequences, even though he tried to hide his abilities for close to 8 years from everyone else. I remember that in a chapter around 20 or so, the MC tells us that he doesn't kill just for the hell of it, but in the flyover of the academy the MC and the two girls kill all the dragon knights that go up to do their job and defend the city, which are the equivalent of SWAT for the city. This makes no sense and just contradicts the MCs morals about senseless killings. You have started to try to add emotion to the conversations, but it just feels forced and then two lines down the MC forgets that he was even mad in the first place. Like the waterboarding scene, wtf is with that, that could have easily killed the MC, its not a prank for revenge, that is legitimate torture, if my friends did that to me, I would have never been friends with them ever again along with beating them black and blue. That chapter really didn't make me think it was funny or that the MC deserved it. There is a lot more but right now its 7am for me and I have to get ready for my day. Thanks in advance, A Concerned Reader
Boghog
BoghogLv12

I think that it was when the MC saved the academy Principle or possibly during the bandit camp raid just before it. Thanks in advance A Concerned Reader

MaxwellKHA:"I remember that in a chapter around 20 or so, the MC tells us that he doesn't kill just for the hell of it, but in the flyover of the academy the MC and the two girls kill all the dragon knights that go up to do their job and defend the city, which is the equivalent of SWAT for the city. This makes no sense and just contradicts the MC's morals about senseless killings." Which exact part? I don't know.
MaxwellKHA
MaxwellKHAAuthor

Ok, I see

Boghog:I think that it was when the MC saved the academy Principle or possibly during the bandit camp raid just before it. Thanks in advance A Concerned Reader
Mortifer
MortiferLv14

This comment section is amazing. Nice author that actually reads comments and takes criticisms well.

Mortifer
MortiferLv14

This comment section is amazing. Nice author that actually reads comments and takes criticisms well.

MaxwellKHA
MaxwellKHAAuthor

Thank, I appreciate the compliment. But still, there are many authors that are better than me at taking criticism

Mortifer:This comment section is amazing. Nice author that actually reads comments and takes criticisms well.
POTATOMan2i6
POTATOMan2i6Lv14

So his powers are what exactly? Like he can imagine something and make it?

MaxwellKHA:Thank, I appreciate the compliment. But still, there are many authors that are better than me at taking criticism
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