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RisingDoom
RisingDoomLv55yr
2019-09-26 11:13

I would say that this novel is "AVERAGE" right now; don't know about in the future but right now it's average at most. This story has no in-depth explanation of things and events and character explanation because the pacing of the story is fast; although it's still understandable. But, the concept of the story is good and I myself quite like it. Hope you that it could be improved more.

Liked by 6 people

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Replies8
MaxwellKHA
MaxwellKHAAuthor

Could you tell me how can I make the story has more in depth explanation? Thanks :)

RisingDoom
RisingDoomLv5

A good example of the story not having an in-depth explanation is about the situation of the MC's parents. It was only stated that they are servants of a duke and nothing more, I don't even know the name of the MC's father and it was only chapter 4 or 5 that I got to MC's mother name is Elena(please correct me if I'm mistaken) ; if not for the MC calling her mother during a kitchen scene I wouldn't have known. So, start explaining somethings about people, places, and events. It doesn't need a long explanation, as long as you point out the important details, that should do the trick.

MaxwellKHA
MaxwellKHAAuthor

I apologize if I disappoint you. Thanks for your suggestion. Hope your story "Merc System" gets better in the future. I apologize if there are words that displease you.

RisingDoom
RisingDoomLv5

Well... you didn't displease me, so no need to apologize. This review of mine is for you to know your flaws in writing this novel of yours. But don't take it the hard way just take your time and slowly adjust your flaws.

MaxwellKHA
MaxwellKHAAuthor

Ok, thanks.

Trek
TrekLv6

The author deleted my review twice! You cant silence me mate. Mc is a slave to the girl and duke even though he is stronger than them, thats right! even though mc is stronger he chooses to be a servant.View

MaxwellKHA
MaxwellKHAAuthor

I will leave that here ^^^.

Solomolecule
SolomoleculeLv14

Knights are usually stronger than their lords as the are supposed to protect them so I don't see a problem with your servant being stronger than you unless the don't trust his loyalty

Trek:The author deleted my review twice! You cant silence me mate. Mc is a slave to the girl and duke even though he is stronger than them, thats right! even though mc is stronger he chooses to be a servant.View
Other Reviews
Boghog
BoghogLv12

This novel started off as an interesting premise but im currently at the start of chapter 12, and all I can say is wtf is happening, The characters are not explained at all, we don't have anything like either their POV of events or even thoughts, The MC's master Maria, has no ambitions, no personality apart from trying to get into the MC's pants at a tender 5 years old, and has none of the Pride or Ego that you would expect her to have being in the position of being the daughter of a fairly renowned Duke(I don't even know that, I'm just guessing, author hasn't even explained anything about the Duke), also she has not gained any pride from her appraisal that was held at the church where it was proclaimed that she was a Prodigy and a Hero Candidate along with very high "Stats", it is like that event never happened because there have been no consequences that have come of it, it only happened to give the MC a chance to start using his abilities. And onto the MC, I know very little about him, He was a 45 year old mercenary veteran in his old life, apparently he was also a virgin too, even though that is practically impossible and also not relevant at all,and thats all i know, he has no ambition in this new life, no difficulties that he has to work towards, acts like an average guntaku and thinks like one too, he just so far has been given everything on a silver platter so far, he is supposed to be a servent, but he is so much stronger than everyone its hilarious, like if he thought about it and had enough mana, he could just create a replica of earth with everyone proclaiming absolute alligence to him because he created them, And that is the low ball of it, he could imagine a death star if he wanted to, but he is staying to real life things that he saw in his previous life for no reason at all. Anyway Rant over, sorry for that deluge of text. SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER He has just rescued two beastkin children from slavery at the hands of nobles, They are of course wolf beastkin because its a requirment for isekai/reincarnation, and so far they are as interesting as paint, the male beastkin had a little argument with the MC where he refuse to attack a panther because he was told to, which to me is pretty god damm reasonable, The MC then used "Killing intent" and grabbed the males sword and told him that he would regret it, and the male then immediately gave up and did what he was told, not even with a grumble, its also shown later that the male doesn't even get mad over it, he forgets about it almost immediately. This was a rather big example but it goes to show that the MC just gets a free pass in everything and now semi knowing the authors thought processes, its going to be like this for the rest of the novel and I just cant stand that, as its a sign of being a really bad writer that can't think up of challenges for his MC/Cast. The sentences are very start and stop and offer very little information, the other characters don't really exist as the narrative goes, you could replace them with cardboard cut-outs and nothing of value would be lost and you would not notice a thing. So I'm going to keep reading and see if it gets better, (I REALLY doubt it) more like I'm just trying to find more ammo to throw at the author. Sorry it kinda turned into a rant, I just got really annoyed reading it, cause I have been reading for many years, along with actually good quality grammar and structure. To the Author if he does not delete this review ( which I will repost, im saving it onto my hard drive) please take a break from writing, and check out some of the more well known novels on this site to get a feel of how a narrative between two or more characters should go, along with spending more time going over your logic in the chapters as I have posted in the paragraph comments, some fixes that you should do. But so far you just need to add more detail and stop with the time skips while giving us no info of what happened during that time. Thanks in advance, A concerned Reader

SaeTheWeeaboo
SaeTheWeeabooLv4
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