webnovel
Skepparn
SkepparnLv145yr
2019-11-01 06:01

The writing is decent enough, almost no typos or grammatical errors and the story in itself it really thought out well but our mc seems very underwhelming with the information she has For example, occlumency seemed to be the most obvious thing in the world for her but wasn't mentioned

Liked by 18 people

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Replies7
John_Doe12
John_Doe12Lv3

Your problems seem to stem from the fact that you never gave the story a chance to grow. Why would the MC be instantly trying to cram lessons as advanced as that within the first 9 chapters? Or even need to worry about it till much later along. Fun little fact. it is mentioned, and she does slowly learn it.

Skepparn
SkepparnLv14

Anyone with half a brain would cram the absolute **** out of occlumency if they had read the books or even just watched the movies just ones in their lives... It's not that I'm mad about her not studying properly cause she probably will in later chapters but she doesn't even think of trying to learn occlumency until she could've already been ****ed if their head of house tried to read her mind

John_Doe12:Your problems seem to stem from the fact that you never gave the story a chance to grow. Why would the MC be instantly trying to cram lessons as advanced as that within the first 9 chapters? Or even need to worry about it till much later along. Fun little fact. it is mentioned, and she does slowly learn it.
John_Doe12
John_Doe12Lv3

I don't think you are giving the character enough credit. And unlike most stories that we see with reincarnation or self-insertion, she is treating this as her life. It's not some big old game. Waking up, from a beating from an abusive father. Placed in a terrible situation, with terrible living conditions, terrible health conditions and a glaring lack of safety. The last thought on your mind should be "Oh, just woke up in the Harry Potter universe, with all my past memories mostly obscured, the memory of the deal to come here basically forgotten, Let's get on that Occlumency grind." An art that is considered high level and mostly unused and therefore mostly out of reach until she has the means to access it. So, no I doubt the first thing would be let's cram magic into out self before we are even old enough to use magic let alone before we escape the abusive household and brush off the extended childhood traumas. Yes, the is a problem for the future in the mind-reading. However, that was a future problem she had more pressing issues on her plate.

Skepparn:Anyone with half a brain would cram the absolute **** out of occlumency if they had read the books or even just watched the movies just ones in their lives... It's not that I'm mad about her not studying properly cause she probably will in later chapters but she doesn't even think of trying to learn occlumency until she could've already been ****ed if their head of house tried to read her mind
Sycamore
SycamoreLv3

if this was a fast paced power leveling hp fanfic maybe. anyways, as she's raised by muggles, how the fuq would she even know the method to train for occlumency anyways?

KALIISTHEBEST
KALIISTHEBESTLv15

So I haven’t read the story yet just checking the reviews before I do and this conversation was a little interesting so thought I would just say from reading the comments I’d agree with you on everything but just if I was in the situation you described I would definitely try and learn everything I can about magic so I could protect my new life haha but I’m off to read the story now and see what you were all discussing

John_Doe12:I don't think you are giving the character enough credit. And unlike most stories that we see with reincarnation or self-insertion, she is treating this as her life. It's not some big old game. Waking up, from a beating from an abusive father. Placed in a terrible situation, with terrible living conditions, terrible health conditions and a glaring lack of safety. The last thought on your mind should be "Oh, just woke up in the Harry Potter universe, with all my past memories mostly obscured, the memory of the deal to come here basically forgotten, Let's get on that Occlumency grind." An art that is considered high level and mostly unused and therefore mostly out of reach until she has the means to access it. So, no I doubt the first thing would be let's cram magic into out self before we are even old enough to use magic let alone before we escape the abusive household and brush off the extended childhood traumas. Yes, the is a problem for the future in the mind-reading. However, that was a future problem she had more pressing issues on her plate.
John_Doe12
John_Doe12Lv3

Good luck with the story. I also get where you are coming from. Being sent to a world of magic and danger and not taking every advantage as you can get would be incredibly foolish. However, we must remember that this is supposed to be a second life and life is so rarely easy that you can power grind like some fantasy hero. Otherwise, everyone would be doing it. The muggle-born, the purebloods with a lick of sense would all be cramming their heads with magical knowledge because in this world magic = power and they be a power-hungry people. So, it would be common sense to learn as much, magic as you could, however, circumstance would be against most not born into the right place in society to abuse the privilege to learn.

KALIISTHEBEST:So I haven’t read the story yet just checking the reviews before I do and this conversation was a little interesting so thought I would just say from reading the comments I’d agree with you on everything but just if I was in the situation you described I would definitely try and learn everything I can about magic so I could protect my new life haha but I’m off to read the story now and see what you were all discussing
KALIISTHEBEST
KALIISTHEBESTLv15

Yes I agree with you there I’ve read about 100 chapters now and she is in her second year at hogwarts and I do believe she has a solid understanding of her situation and is learning magic at a good rate and don’t really think it could be much if any faster so I can only say it’s well balanced

John_Doe12:Good luck with the story. I also get where you are coming from. Being sent to a world of magic and danger and not taking every advantage as you can get would be incredibly foolish. However, we must remember that this is supposed to be a second life and life is so rarely easy that you can power grind like some fantasy hero. Otherwise, everyone would be doing it. The muggle-born, the purebloods with a lick of sense would all be cramming their heads with magical knowledge because in this world magic = power and they be a power-hungry people. So, it would be common sense to learn as much, magic as you could, however, circumstance would be against most not born into the right place in society to abuse the privilege to learn.
Other Reviews
123r97
123r97Lv1

I should start with saying that this story is very difficult to review. For the first 450ish chapters, it's 5-star worthy and amazing, easily being one of the best HP ff I've ever read. Which makes it all the more disappointing that by chapter 600 it's just degraded to the point of well-written garbage. It's a shame to see such a great author become worse at writing over time rather than better. It's getting by on 3.8 stars only because it's a dead corpse riding on the back of a fantastic foundation. I'll try to avoid spoilers and just give general comments and gripes with character designs rather than mentioning anything specific. For the first 450 chapters of the series It's probably one of the best harry potter FF I've ever read, the characters are well-researched, the backgrounds make sense, the interactions feel real with individual personalities and actions along with dashes of mystery and some drama. If that's all that was currently out I'd have given the story 5 stars in basically everything. Around chapter 450 though the author seemed to have hit a rut.. they just copied the original main plot (the subplots still fine though for a bit) making characters inconsistent or utterly betraying all their characteristics until that point in order to force certain extremely stupid events to occur just to make an already lazy plot work. Which is fine, just mediocre, I'd be mildly annoyed but still like the series if that was all. But then it just keeps getting worse and worse... by chapter 600 there are poorly thrown-together plot threads that feel rushed and serve little purpose besides overcomplicating things and shock value. The characters themselves become flat, losing all the personality that made them unique in the beginning, Heck, I'm pretty sure if the characters in the story just talked with each other instead of refusing to tell each other anything like a group of grade schoolers gossiping about a secret the story would have been finished by now. The same character has made the same epiphany 3 times within 100 chapters and had the same freaked-out reaction each time, acting as if they figured it all out for the first time all over again. I'm half expecting them to have the same revelation again at some point. The actual plot also just stops making any amount of sense, new powers and mcguffins keep popping up for no real reason, the mc will have a problem and spontaneously decide to start reading a random book on a shelf and suddenly find the answer to their problem (but refuse to tell or ask anyone for help despite having access to 3 world-class wizards 2 of which she trusts with her life). The author also seems to have a really weird male superiority complex. Now, this is odd because the mc is female and the author at least claims to be female. I don't mean male political power or anything about males thinking they are higher than females. Those can get a pass because of purebloods and such, it makes sense for the setting. What doesn't make sense is seemingly magic itself is so much stronger for males than females that any female might as well just snap their wand if they want to compete in their version of HP. Despite the mc getting McGuffin after McGuffin and power up after power up even at the expense of her own health and has gone on the record to be told she is containing so much power it's starting to affect her because of the cost of such strength for her body. She is then repeatedly told that she is weaker, dumber and just worse than another character in nearly every way and is then trounced by them when they've done literally nothing besides be a guy going to school with 0 McGuffins, powerups or sacrifices. Heck, some of her power-ups are even turned into weaknesses and she's told 'all power comes at a price but he gets it for free because he's a male'. It's so bizarre to see just how pathetic they make the mc just to make the other character seem better despite them doing basically nothing for 600 chapters. The mc went from this fantastic feisty little ball of paranoid witch into... well a bit of a mess that's still magically weaker than a completely normal 7th year male for some reason despite getting so many McGuffins and power-ups which means her normal strength must have been truly pathetic. There's a female that's at one point almost r*ped and she just acts like its another day after, they don't report it or anything she even acts like it wasn't that big of a deal being more annoyed that her friends were trying to look out for her than the boys attempting it. She's not even shell-shocked or anything she just acts like an NPC with no personality reading off scripted lines even making jokes and calling someone that helped her rude for not offering to walk them back yet making no comment about the boys. I just don't understand why the author turned such a fantastic story into this.

Sycamore
SycamoreLv3

I'm sorry to say that I'd be the 70th review. 69 hehe. Well, it had to happen. I couldn't just go on without reviewing this. This. Is. A. Hidden. Gem. It's as if... JK Rowling decided to write a fanfic of HP herself. It basically has all the magic of the original Harry Potter, but explored a bit more, and set back in time a little bit, so the author's free to develop her characters to her heart's content, since all the other characters aren't there. This is the crown jewel of all the Harry Potter fanfictions on here. The protagonist is an OC called Rowan. A twin of Severus Snape. I know, it felt cringey when I heard it at first too. Like, oh no. This is going to turn into another one of those trash fics, isn't it? No. No. No. Argh! I can't even begin to describe it without going into spoiler territory or being a general fanatic. Anyways. Writing Quality: There are a few misspelled words here and there (what stood out to me was her constant misspelling of prefects lmao perfect), some parts don't flow that well, but it's expected of a webnovel with 1k+ words per chapter that comes out everyday. And also, if you compare it to some of the popular novels on Webnovel, it's writing at perfection. It's writing style is like that of a published novel too. Stability of Updates: This author updates daily. And currently, she's uploading two chapters per day. Author, I love you. I actually love you. If you decide to eunuch this, I'm actually going to castrate you. Story Development: Ohhhhhh, I actually love you. This webnovel doesn't go 3 chapters without some huge plot twist happening. It always keep you on edge. It's as good as, or even better than the translated Korean novels out there, which is saying something. (Cough cough Second Coming of Gluttony, I love you, but sometimes you get dull asf) Character Design: Since the author has set the background of the story to the generation before Harry Potter- (basically, in the same timeframe as James Potter and the rest of the Marauders) those characters aren't fleshed out. So the author does the fleshing out by herself, which results in, of course, me actually caring about the characters. Not many authors are able to do that with their own OC, and basically, a ton of blank slate characters. World Background- Harry Potter. Need I say more? However, since this novel's setting isn't exactly the same as Harry Potter's, there are some other things that are delved into, that I can't say without spoiling. Go read the novel if you've already scrolled to this point. I guarantee you won't regret it. It's really fuqing good. And it almost has 300 chapters.

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