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WallabaloozaLv35yr
2019-11-04 05:58

The writer has a lot of issues and, honestly, doesn't feel ready to write stories in English yet. There are a -lot- of grammar issues, and massive perspective problems in every single chapter. As for the story itself.. the self-insert is a fairly successful novel writer (yeaaahhhh.. no) who acts pretty unnaturally given his reincarnated situation; the reincarnated part of his character seems mostly glossed over and forgotten. He doesn't use it for anything, and the relationship with his sister is exactly the same as in canon, even though there is an older, completely different person in the body of this character. In fact, all of the characters feel extremely unnatural as a whole. People who should have no concept of technology or anime or anything just pick up on it without explanation and act like it's the most normal thing in the world. Characters' thought processes are unbelievable at best. Very clearly written in one sitting, putting thoughts into words and then isn't properly edited, and it makes it feel incoherent and is difficult to read. It's often written like the writer assumes we know what he's thinking and why he's thinking it, and jumps two or three steps in the buildup and explanation, only to land on something that feels completely out of place as a result. An example would be the different characters sending information over the phone. How? It's never explained. First off, how are these technologically stupid people just sending "magic" and "swordsplay" over a phone? How is he receiving it? It's never even explored or explained a little bit, but just taken completely for granted and passed over. It's absolutely ridiculous. Then there's the ghosts. He brings them cakes, but when the girl tries to hug them, she passes through them? Are they solid or not? The logic of the story's world is completely screwed. Not to mention that the kids weren't actually used for anything at all other than getting every character to say "G-g-g-ghost!" like they're Scooby Doo and forcing an interaction with that one girl. Even the set up emotional reunion was completely ruined by them just disappearing the second they saw her, and nothing further was explored about it. Not to mention how the character learns "swordplay" by.. getting a manual about it(? somehow it changes to paper from his phone?) and then swinging his sword the same way 1000 times, like that is supposed to teach him anything. When you know nothing about the sword, you have a thousand things to learn before you even start swinging that thing around. Your posture, movement, grip, etc. etc. You don't just go and start swinging a sword and become a swordsman, and even then, swinging just one way isn't going to make you any better at anything; it's so silly. The protagonist starts talking about opening up a restaurant out of absolutely nowhere. Like, it wasn't built up in any way, and the writer clearly just wanted to do it for whatever reason, even if it made no sense in-universe. It was justified because the character "knew a guy with a restaurant" and that he would get recipes sent over. Like that solves more than one or two out of a thousand problems with opening up a restaurant, and prepares him for that chaos in any way whatsoever These are a few examples, but already this soon in the story there are even more I could pull from, and I'm positive it will continue throughout the whole thing. Basically, it feels like whoever writes this doesn't live in the real world. Their logic is completely off in so many ways. It really feels like the writer has gotten too deeply integrated in the universe of anime himself and has forgotten how actual people think, act and speak, and it really shows in the writing. Overall, it just comes off as disconnected and childish. I don't know why this story is rated 4.6. Either the negative reviews are deleted or you guys just have insanely low standards. 2.4 was already generous for me. For the writer: Work harder on your basics. Spend some time figuring out your English grammar and read some well-written, published stories to try and get a better feel for how to actually present a decent story. Your ideas aren't terrible, but your execution is very lacking; especially for someone clearly wanting to make money off of this. It takes a lot of hard work to get good at something, and writing is no different. Good luck.

Liked by 340 people

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Replies48
SyrnZeroLv4

well... what do ya expect from junk food-like novel? he doing this just for the sake of patreon or money

unwashed_heathenLv1

The reason this fic feels like that is because it is plagiarized from a CN qidian novel [我的次元聊天室]. I would recommend it to people who aren't bugged by MTL cause it's a lot better written than this. The author of this fic stole tons of stuff from [我的次元聊天室] making random minor inconsistent changes all over the place and added a bunch of garbage filler.

FertuLv4

Huh, so it's not only me who noticed that this novel is plagiarized. Shame on you, author.

DemonificationLv14

you know what a fanfic is right? plagiarized? yeah right!

Fertu:Huh, so it's not only me who noticed that this novel is plagiarized. Shame on you, author.
FertuLv4

It's a badly copied chinese fanfic though, you know?

Demonification:you know what a fanfic is right? plagiarized? yeah right!
AshlionelLv13

Which one?

Fertu:It's a badly copied chinese fanfic though, you know?
asssssshholeLv5

So, this story basically fanfiction of fanfiction. Akikan40 doing translate, copy and paste from CN Qidian fanfiction "My dimensional chat group". Plus, author adding more filler,filler,filler and filler so this story more became rubbish. No offense

Almond_eyes_69Lv3

Exp

Carlo_ToliongLv3

Well good luck

Kuro_KaenLv3

I always get mad when people criticize a story for being "unrealistic," but you criticized mostly the characters' unrealistic actions than you did the story itself. I can agree with you on that.

Kuro_KaenLv3

I always get mad when people criticize a story for being "unrealistic," but you criticized mostly the characters' unrealistic actions than you did the story itself. I can agree with you on that.

WallabaloozaLv3

Those two are usually the same thing. A story generally feels unrealistic as a result of its characters' actions and the world's reaction to those actions.

Kuro_Kaen:I always get mad when people criticize a story for being "unrealistic," but you criticized mostly the characters' unrealistic actions than you did the story itself. I can agree with you on that.
AbyssSamaLv10

still good enough for me tho

Alfha_RobbyLv6

could you give us link of its official website cause I kinda interest with the thing about akiman plagiarze another fanfic.

unwashed_heathen:The reason this fic feels like that is because it is plagiarized from a CN qidian novel [我的次元聊天室]. I would recommend it to people who aren't bugged by MTL cause it's a lot better written than this. The author of this fic stole tons of stuff from [我的次元聊天室] making random minor inconsistent changes all over the place and added a bunch of garbage filler.
MrRando146Lv3

Exp

14st16hnLv10

Exp

MrRando146:Exp
CLockLv2

EXP

The_Oldest_KingLv3

https://m.biquge.com.cn/book/37310/ If you want to read the novel you will have many problems with the names of the characters unless you know Chinese since they are mostly translated from Japanese, and when you want to translate it the meanings change.

Alfha_Robby:could you give us link of its official website cause I kinda interest with the thing about akiman plagiarze another fanfic.
The_Oldest_KingLv3

https://m.biquge.com.cn/book/37310/

Ashlionel:Which one?
Fadly22Lv2

There's a Harem ???

Other Reviews
Etiger789Lv15
SpelloyalLv12

The story started well, but over time it got boring and repetitive. It seems that the author is afraid to make the MC too strong and that is why he is giving bad powers and pretending he doesn't have a store to buy powers. The mc has a dungeon that when entering the time stops in his world but is complaining about lack of time to train. Honestly, mc practically stopped growing in the Magi world. He gained a greater variety of powers, but apart from some op equipment he didn't grow much in strength. the author is too focused on making mc the richest man in the world instead of focusing on the chat group. Besides, it is kind of strange that MC monopolize all missions and nobody complains. Worst of all, despite the fact that the MC increases in the harem in all the worlds he goes to and always says how he cares about his girlfriends, the MC basically leaves and forgets the relationship after returning to his world. So far he hasn't seen any of the girls he left behind again (except 2 who are members of the chat group). In short: The story went from focusing on the chat group to focusing on mc becoming a tycoon and developing the harem in his original world while extolling every day how big his dick is and the resistance in the bed is incredible in addition to how much he loves girlfriends (despite abandoning most of them) The chat group became something secondary that only serves to act like an asshole by deceiving innocent women to never return. sorry for any mistake, i wrote using google translator

Fifth_GooseLv5
Fifth_GooseLv5
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