webnovel
Timelesstrix
TimelesstrixLv65yr
2020-02-13 03:05

First 100 or so chps r good but then story loses the main plot point which is the group chat and turns in generic harem trash amime. Author doesn't bother taking feedback and continues to pump out poor quality story

Liked by 65 people

LIKE
empty img

No replies. Be the first!

Other Reviews
Wallabalooza
WallabaloozaLv3

The writer has a lot of issues and, honestly, doesn't feel ready to write stories in English yet. There are a -lot- of grammar issues, and massive perspective problems in every single chapter. As for the story itself.. the self-insert is a fairly successful novel writer (yeaaahhhh.. no) who acts pretty unnaturally given his reincarnated situation; the reincarnated part of his character seems mostly glossed over and forgotten. He doesn't use it for anything, and the relationship with his sister is exactly the same as in canon, even though there is an older, completely different person in the body of this character. In fact, all of the characters feel extremely unnatural as a whole. People who should have no concept of technology or anime or anything just pick up on it without explanation and act like it's the most normal thing in the world. Characters' thought processes are unbelievable at best. Very clearly written in one sitting, putting thoughts into words and then isn't properly edited, and it makes it feel incoherent and is difficult to read. It's often written like the writer assumes we know what he's thinking and why he's thinking it, and jumps two or three steps in the buildup and explanation, only to land on something that feels completely out of place as a result. An example would be the different characters sending information over the phone. How? It's never explained. First off, how are these technologically stupid people just sending "magic" and "swordsplay" over a phone? How is he receiving it? It's never even explored or explained a little bit, but just taken completely for granted and passed over. It's absolutely ridiculous. Then there's the ghosts. He brings them cakes, but when the girl tries to hug them, she passes through them? Are they solid or not? The logic of the story's world is completely screwed. Not to mention that the kids weren't actually used for anything at all other than getting every character to say "G-g-g-ghost!" like they're Scooby Doo and forcing an interaction with that one girl. Even the set up emotional reunion was completely ruined by them just disappearing the second they saw her, and nothing further was explored about it. Not to mention how the character learns "swordplay" by.. getting a manual about it(? somehow it changes to paper from his phone?) and then swinging his sword the same way 1000 times, like that is supposed to teach him anything. When you know nothing about the sword, you have a thousand things to learn before you even start swinging that thing around. Your posture, movement, grip, etc. etc. You don't just go and start swinging a sword and become a swordsman, and even then, swinging just one way isn't going to make you any better at anything; it's so silly. The protagonist starts talking about opening up a restaurant out of absolutely nowhere. Like, it wasn't built up in any way, and the writer clearly just wanted to do it for whatever reason, even if it made no sense in-universe. It was justified because the character "knew a guy with a restaurant" and that he would get recipes sent over. Like that solves more than one or two out of a thousand problems with opening up a restaurant, and prepares him for that chaos in any way whatsoever These are a few examples, but already this soon in the story there are even more I could pull from, and I'm positive it will continue throughout the whole thing. Basically, it feels like whoever writes this doesn't live in the real world. Their logic is completely off in so many ways. It really feels like the writer has gotten too deeply integrated in the universe of anime himself and has forgotten how actual people think, act and speak, and it really shows in the writing. Overall, it just comes off as disconnected and childish. I don't know why this story is rated 4.6. Either the negative reviews are deleted or you guys just have insanely low standards. 2.4 was already generous for me. For the writer: Work harder on your basics. Spend some time figuring out your English grammar and read some well-written, published stories to try and get a better feel for how to actually present a decent story. Your ideas aren't terrible, but your execution is very lacking; especially for someone clearly wanting to make money off of this. It takes a lot of hard work to get good at something, and writing is no different. Good luck.

Etiger789
Etiger789Lv15
Spelloyal
SpelloyalLv12

The story started well, but over time it got boring and repetitive. It seems that the author is afraid to make the MC too strong and that is why he is giving bad powers and pretending he doesn't have a store to buy powers. The mc has a dungeon that when entering the time stops in his world but is complaining about lack of time to train. Honestly, mc practically stopped growing in the Magi world. He gained a greater variety of powers, but apart from some op equipment he didn't grow much in strength. the author is too focused on making mc the richest man in the world instead of focusing on the chat group. Besides, it is kind of strange that MC monopolize all missions and nobody complains. Worst of all, despite the fact that the MC increases in the harem in all the worlds he goes to and always says how he cares about his girlfriends, the MC basically leaves and forgets the relationship after returning to his world. So far he hasn't seen any of the girls he left behind again (except 2 who are members of the chat group). In short: The story went from focusing on the chat group to focusing on mc becoming a tycoon and developing the harem in his original world while extolling every day how big his dick is and the resistance in the bed is incredible in addition to how much he loves girlfriends (despite abandoning most of them) The chat group became something secondary that only serves to act like an asshole by deceiving innocent women to never return. sorry for any mistake, i wrote using google translator

Fifth_Goose
Fifth_GooseLv5
Fifth_Goose
Fifth_GooseLv5
Related Stories

Naruto: The Outsider's Resolve

[A Naruto Fan Fiction] Make the best of what you have, they said... But what I am supposed to do when the best I have are red-eyed freaks, a child who's supposed to be the jailor of the most dangerous being in the world, a snake bastard with serious boundary issues, and a whole world of super soldiers with licences to murder. And you know the best part? None of them like me so much... Oh shut it, old man! Take that Will of Fire and shove it up your— Yeah, this second swing at life isn't panning out... --------------------------------------------------------------- What to expect: - Gradual strength progression. Meaningful growth. The MC is a normal guy dumped into the Narutoverse, starts out weak and has to work and struggle for everything he gains. - "Slow" paced. My writing style is a zoomed-in look camera that follows the protagonist. It might seem slow, but I ensure something is always happening to progress the plot forward. - Gritty and often bloody fights and actions scenes with a focus on taijutsu—you'll see individual combat, team fights, and large-scale battle. - A different take on the Narutoverse. The world is full of superhuman mercenaries with liscenes-to-kill—that along with the protagonist's struggles paint the world in a much darker light. - Additions and expansion to the "chakra" power system. I consider myself a conservative when it comes to adapting the power system—and aim to retain the original feel while highlighting the best parts. - The Outsider's Resolve version of Narutoverse uses the [Naruto Manga] as the base—with additions from anime, books, and even Boruto (though very less likely). --------------------------------------------------------------- DISCORD SERVER: https://discord.gg/w5dJ82SfMr --------------------------------------------------------------- PATREON LINK: https://www.patreon.com/fictiononlyreader --------------------------------------------------------------- DECLARATION: This story is also present on: FFN, Ao3, SpaceBattles, SufficientVelocity, and ScribbleHub RoyalRoad [to be verified] --------------------------------------------------------------- DISCLAIMER: I don't own any character other than my OCs. The cover pic was commissioned from Kodah.art on Instagram

FictionOnlyReader · Anime & Comics
4.2
366 Chs

I Stream DC on Marvel

My name is Allen Walker. I lived a quiet and uneventful life until I got into trouble with the school's ultimate bully, Flash Thomson. It was worth it because I was able to protect my friend Gwen and help out a poor guy named Peter Parker. That's right... my life was turned upside down with my school problems. I somehow ended up tangled with bullies like Flash and his rich friend Harry Osborn, and the three beauties of the school, Gwen Stacy, Felicia Hardy, and Mary Jane. I understood why Gwen was there, as she's my friend, but I couldn't understand why the other two girls were interested in me. My destiny should have been getting beaten up by the school bullies, but luckily, I received unexpected help from a miraculous entity called the "The Absolute Content Creator System". This system mainly operates based on viewers and the popularity I gain by providing great content in my world. But somehow, I'm now live-streaming in the middle of the Superman vs. Doomsday fight... yes, it sounds very dangerous and stupid. No one told me I'd be going to the DC world to livestream?! Darkseid is going to kill me!! My aunt Natasha would scream at me for the stupidity I was committing, and she would be right, I mean, I'm streaming it to my world! But I have to be here, even if it's stupid and dangerous. The reason? I have a huge debt of one million dollars because I accidentally ordered a hundred fantasy waifu sex dolls... which have come to life for some reason. Yeah, things are getting complicated!! It sounds insane, but it's real. The first doll was Wednesday Addams, who tried to stab me, and the second was 2B from Nier: Automata, who treated me like her master... I won't complain about that. A bit confusing? Let's recap: - I live in a world that the system calls Marvel... I'm not sure if I should be worried. - I was a normal teenager making YouTube videos and streams, not very popular... – I got involved with the school beauties and that earned me the hatred of the bullies... ¿why? - I was chosen by a system related to content creation. - During a stream, my chat played a prank on me, and I ended up accidentally ordering a hundred very expensive sex dolls that left me in a one-million-dollar debt. - These dolls are coming to life for some reason. - To pay off that debt, I have to use the system that sends me to DC and broadcast craziness like Batman being captured by the Joker or some villain fighting the Justice League. It's not all bad. With a system like in the manga, I become stronger the more popular I get. I gain powers that only appear in comics and anime, and many other things. But, as I said, my world is not normal, and I'll end up getting involved in dangerous things. I knew that when a one-eyed man appeared at my door and said, "Do you know about the Avengers Initiative?"... I think I should definitely be worried about that. While things are bad with all that, my chat is full of trolls and assholes. To make matters worse, my congenital bad luck leads me into stupid and dangerous situations all the time. For example: entering Harley Quinn's room and having relations with her while the Joker is nearby or kicking Darkseid in the balls... Maybe I'll get killed soon, but if not, I'll continue live-streaming the best content on social media... I just hope the system doesn't stream to strange places. If you want to read chapters in advance, be able to see the images that webnovel does not want and support me here I leave you my patreon. Patreon.com/_Aizen A/N: Hello, I hope you like this story and support it. English is not my native language, so I hope you don't mind the grammatical errors.

Mr_Aizen · Anime & Comics
4.1
552 Chs