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MrBadWithNames_
MrBadWithNames_Lv25yr
2019-12-08 04:31

The story is alright - I saw a lot of people say this but you really need to work on the grammar and the spelling of things. Maybe the characters get more complex later on but they seem a little too perfect for me, y'know. I'm very interested to see how this new world works and why the MC was transported there, not to mention the magic.

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stella2138
stella2138Author

you said they seem too perfect dear. how?

MrBadWithNames_
MrBadWithNames_Lv2

Like how the MC is described as great-looking, upper-class/rich, hangs out with the plebians etc. The trick to writing characters like this well (in my opinion) is making the character have some downsides, y'know. I'm not saying there needs to be a 1:1 ratio of good and evil, but by making the character have virtually no flaws you make her hard to relate to. It's an easy trap for authors to fall into, you want to tell the story of that character with those qualities - and suddenly people are appearing telling you they're fundamentally wrong, lol - but I do have to advise you to tone down the MC's I did this before too (except my character was so emotionless it was unrelatable), and usually by the time you get to develop the character a large portion of your readers will leave. For example, a big reveal that MC was a megalomaniac or manipulative or something like that - really cool reveal, but by the time we get to it, many people quit thinking this was a story about perfection in human shape. All of the above said (sorry for making this like a chapter-long, haha) you do have an advantage over others who commit this mistake - so far you didn't make her super-powerful, super-intelligent or anything like that - this means you can still challenge the MC in the future. TL;DR >MC is so great we can't relate to her. >Make mc have some flaws - but don't make her too unlikable. >But since you only gave her great looks and financial stability, there is still an opening for challenging events :) Good luck - again sorry this is so wrong, I'm bad at condensing things ;D

stella2138:you said they seem too perfect dear. how?
stella2138
stella2138Author

posted chapter 172

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