Decent idea, bad execution. The way the story flows feels unnatural and even the "sudden death" of his father feels bland and not enough to stimulate the reader's emotions as we haven't grown attached to the character. I recommend to have shown his plans one by one as part of the story instead of dumping it all in one go, readers want to read story, not info dumps.
Liked by 27 people
LIKEI know right.. the father's death did not even make me felt loss haha, it just felt like when a cannon fodder died. The MC knows that his father is poisoned but when a suspicious order for his father to head out with several elders from sacred family, he did not even give him any lifesaving treasure, basically sending his father to die. Realistically no one with a brain will do that.. guess the MC is an Idiot
What lifesaving treasure did MC even have my friend, none. The best he could've done is give him a pill, which wouldn't have saved his ass, since all pills he had at the time were all bad.
Zheng:I know right.. the father's death did not even make me felt loss haha, it just felt like when a cannon fodder died. The MC knows that his father is poisoned but when a suspicious order for his father to head out with several elders from sacred family, he did not even give him any lifesaving treasure, basically sending his father to die. Realistically no one with a brain will do that.. guess the MC is an Idiot
You expect a masterpiece from 11 chapters? Every chapter has its meaning and all plot holes would be filled as the story goes. Not even professional novel writers are perfect and they also improvise the plot/story as it goes further so complaining about these little things when you only read 11 chapters is unfair.
If one person thinks something feels off, there are others who think the same. If it wasn't pointed out what are the chances of it getting a solution? If it wasn't pointed out how long will it take for it to be noticed? It might even get a repeat case if nobody points it out and start piling up. You don't see the author complaining and in fact made some developments in the story in order to answer the "feedbacks" and with that, he gained my respect. Not everyone can take criticisms and work on it.
I usually see two types of criticism. 1. Where the review actually is serious, and doesn't give a straight one star review, which is bull****. 2. Where the review is... Just there to flame the novel/fanfiction, and is not being serious, I usually ignore that kind of reviews. This belongs to the first type.
This is just how the whole story feels. Rushed. There is no need to change this review. Everything in the story except fighting is glazed over and rushed. It either needs comedy or more detail instead of being like. 'Oh yeah, everything went according to plan for all his schemes.' Describe how it happened so the viewers can experience it.
Ridiculous, my story, rushed? Redsaturn... I've written over 150CH and I'm only at ch 245 in RAWS let that sink to you.
redsaturn:This is just how the whole story feels. Rushed. There is no need to change this review. Everything in the story except fighting is glazed over and rushed. It either needs comedy or more detail instead of being like. 'Oh yeah, everything went according to plan for all his schemes.' Describe how it happened so the viewers can experience it.
Where you are in the raws does not matter... I am referring to the intricacies of implementing and going through the MC's plans or schemes. Instead of writing about what happened and letting the reader experience the process. You instead just narrated that everything went as the MC wished it had. Show how he struggles to interact with the other characters etc. Otherwise it takes away alot of the experience and joy of the reader. Ignore the fact this is a fanfic and make as many chapters as is needed to make the novel good.
ElionAVL:Ridiculous, my story, rushed? Redsaturn... I've written over 150CH and I'm only at ch 245 in RAWS let that sink to you.
I will take this into consideration.
redsaturn:Where you are in the raws does not matter... I am referring to the intricacies of implementing and going through the MC's plans or schemes. Instead of writing about what happened and letting the reader experience the process. You instead just narrated that everything went as the MC wished it had. Show how he struggles to interact with the other characters etc. Otherwise it takes away alot of the experience and joy of the reader. Ignore the fact this is a fanfic and make as many chapters as is needed to make the novel good.
Thank You For Making This Review .I am Currently Inspiring From Reviews Of More Popular Books To See What a Good Story Should be Like.For Example ,Just Like You Said Here, Not Enough Emotional Attachment To Characters To Cause a Stimulus When Something Happens.Again,I Appreciate That You Did This Review and Helped Me Out a Little.