webnovel
IOnlyEatDinner
IOnlyEatDinnerLv56yr
2018-10-11 01:25

Decent idea, bad execution. The way the story flows feels unnatural and even the "sudden death" of his father feels bland and not enough to stimulate the reader's emotions as we haven't grown attached to the character. I recommend to have shown his plans one by one as part of the story instead of dumping it all in one go, readers want to read story, not info dumps.

Liked by 27 people

LIKE
Replies14
Zheng
ZhengLv12

I know right.. the father's death did not even make me felt loss haha, it just felt like when a cannon fodder died. The MC knows that his father is poisoned but when a suspicious order for his father to head out with several elders from sacred family, he did not even give him any lifesaving treasure, basically sending his father to die. Realistically no one with a brain will do that.. guess the MC is an Idiot

ElionAVL
ElionAVLAuthor

What lifesaving treasure did MC even have my friend, none. The best he could've done is give him a pill, which wouldn't have saved his ass, since all pills he had at the time were all bad.

Zheng:I know right.. the father's death did not even make me felt loss haha, it just felt like when a cannon fodder died. The MC knows that his father is poisoned but when a suspicious order for his father to head out with several elders from sacred family, he did not even give him any lifesaving treasure, basically sending his father to die. Realistically no one with a brain will do that.. guess the MC is an Idiot
Greed_King
Greed_KingLv6

You should read the story first before commenting here.

IOnlyEatDinner
IOnlyEatDinnerLv5

Of course, this review is from 1 week ago, things are bound to change, reviews are here to see where something went wrong and yes, the new development did fix some issues.

lazyleo
lazyleoLv7

You expect a masterpiece from 11 chapters? Every chapter has its meaning and all plot holes would be filled as the story goes. Not even professional novel writers are perfect and they also improvise the plot/story as it goes further so complaining about these little things when you only read 11 chapters is unfair.

IOnlyEatDinner
IOnlyEatDinnerLv5

If one person thinks something feels off, there are others who think the same. If it wasn't pointed out what are the chances of it getting a solution? If it wasn't pointed out how long will it take for it to be noticed? It might even get a repeat case if nobody points it out and start piling up. You don't see the author complaining and in fact made some developments in the story in order to answer the "feedbacks" and with that, he gained my respect. Not everyone can take criticisms and work on it.

ElionAVL
ElionAVLAuthor

I usually see two types of criticism. 1. Where the review actually is serious, and doesn't give a straight one star review, which is bull****. 2. Where the review is... Just there to flame the novel/fanfiction, and is not being serious, I usually ignore that kind of reviews. This belongs to the first type.

Tsukkomi911
Tsukkomi911Lv5

↑ Yup some people just give 5 /1 star because they like or dislike the story without giving some proper critics for authors

Greed_King
Greed_KingLv6

You should change the review after knowing what happened or just delete it. And btw you should have put spoiler alert on it.

redsaturn
redsaturnLv5

This is just how the whole story feels. Rushed. There is no need to change this review. Everything in the story except fighting is glazed over and rushed. It either needs comedy or more detail instead of being like. 'Oh yeah, everything went according to plan for all his schemes.' Describe how it happened so the viewers can experience it.

ElionAVL
ElionAVLAuthor

Ridiculous, my story, rushed? Redsaturn... I've written over 150CH and I'm only at ch 245 in RAWS let that sink to you.

redsaturn:This is just how the whole story feels. Rushed. There is no need to change this review. Everything in the story except fighting is glazed over and rushed. It either needs comedy or more detail instead of being like. 'Oh yeah, everything went according to plan for all his schemes.' Describe how it happened so the viewers can experience it.
redsaturn
redsaturnLv5

Where you are in the raws does not matter... I am referring to the intricacies of implementing and going through the MC's plans or schemes. Instead of writing about what happened and letting the reader experience the process. You instead just narrated that everything went as the MC wished it had. Show how he struggles to interact with the other characters etc. Otherwise it takes away alot of the experience and joy of the reader. Ignore the fact this is a fanfic and make as many chapters as is needed to make the novel good.

ElionAVL:Ridiculous, my story, rushed? Redsaturn... I've written over 150CH and I'm only at ch 245 in RAWS let that sink to you.
ElionAVL
ElionAVLAuthor

I will take this into consideration.

redsaturn:Where you are in the raws does not matter... I am referring to the intricacies of implementing and going through the MC's plans or schemes. Instead of writing about what happened and letting the reader experience the process. You instead just narrated that everything went as the MC wished it had. Show how he struggles to interact with the other characters etc. Otherwise it takes away alot of the experience and joy of the reader. Ignore the fact this is a fanfic and make as many chapters as is needed to make the novel good.
ElectroBrain1
ElectroBrain1Lv4

Thank You For Making This Review .I am Currently Inspiring From Reviews Of More Popular Books To See What a Good Story Should be Like.For Example ,Just Like You Said Here, Not Enough Emotional Attachment To Characters To Cause a Stimulus When Something Happens.Again,I Appreciate That You Did This Review and Helped Me Out a Little.

Other Reviews
Athame
AthameLv5

AsianLadyBoy
AsianLadyBoyLv13

Don't expect this novel to be like every other fanfic, where the MC actually knows about the world he got sent to, while also being overpowered. But for me I like those types of fanfics where the MC actually knows the world he got reincarnated into, and he takes advantage of future events that are going to happen. Of course a Little OPness never hurt nobody. Many people might say that the one thing this novel has going for it is that it has no harem. Which for me I don't mind either way, as long as it's a good story. But for me this novel has a lot of problems from the very beginning. In the first chapter he's described as someone who has been reincarnated multiple times. One of those worlds being the Naruto World, which he knew about before hand. He has also lived Millions if not billions of years. During all that time he has accumulated millions of years of knowledge and experience. The author gave him this OP background, where the MC was actually at the top of the food chain in his previous worlds. But then comes the next chapters and he dumb's down the MC and nerfs his abilities. He nerfs him so hes not so OP early on, but doing that disregards how stuff works like chakra. He also dumb's him down when hes supposed to be the smartest person in all the universe. Whats the point of giving him a background like that just to nerf him. Why not just give him a not so overpowered background or do the old cliche "he lost his memories" then over time unlock them to make him stronger. You would think being in a different world of cultivation. He would want to get stronger, because he does not know what may happen. I mean he knows nothing about this world so he knows nothing about future events, and him having lived in other worlds of cultivation were the strong pray on the weak. You would think he would be in a hurry to get stronger so that nothing unexpected happens that's out of his control, but he doesn't. He has the mind set of "Will see what happens". He doesn't act how you would think some one that has accumulated so much experiences in his many years of life would act. At times the MC is smart and at times he's dumb, he's inconsistent. He has certain skills where you wonder why he isn't taking advantage of them like the Clone Jutsu of Naruto's. There's just too much stuff that doesn't add up and i would be writing forever. So I just can't keep reading it anymore. Score wise I'm giving the writing quality a 4-star. It wasn't too good to start, but it got better over time. Stability updates I'm giving it a 3-star. I went and looked at his recent updates to see how frequent hes updating. It doesn't look too stable but it's good enough Story development for me is a 2-star. MC was dumb down so it Sort of ruined it from there for me, and the pace is too slow. It feels like it's at least three times slower than the original novel. Character design 1-star. What's the point in giving him an OP background just to dumb him down and nerf him. World development 2-star. What is there to say about this. Its basically the same world as the original. From what I have read he hasn't done much to change it yet. You may like it but, i just don't so this is my review.

Related Stories