Its a nice try to copy the MC of fullmetal panik and the storyline ( even if it is a little bit different). But the story is shallow as if written by EA, and the jockes are as lame as ****ing on youre girlfriend and telling her that it is a sign of love. Its like a kid who trys to play a prank, known by you and it think its funny like hell. Just dont waste youre time, couse no on will give it back to you.
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Well I guess I should thank for at least trying to read it, and writing a review.
Dear Author, I know my review is hard as fu... so to be fair i'll try to explane my reason. in my opinion you are to fast in the progress of the story. There is so much potential that been wastet ( a few exampels later). That way the depth of the world, story and the charakters is lacking ( i will bring you a few exampels later). The charachters and other ppl arent reakting acording to the situation ( a few exampels later) and that way youre killing most of youre jockes and the mood. 1) depth of the world & charackters You did think about a lot of things, but you only enumerate the things. An exampel. he is raised by mr big balls and his teammates are all geegs of there kind, he gets there knoledge, he starts to be a soldier, he is the best soldier, his stepfather loses his legs, now his stepfather thinks he needs to learn how to be a normal teenager, his father is now rich as fuc... etc. So why dont you tell us about the things? How was his first meeting with the geeks? Why and how did they start to like him and why did they deside to teach him etc. Or how did his srepfather lose his leg and why did he deside to change his stepsons fate from a sirialkiller to an teenager with a few mantal problems? You' re creating a world so give us some depth to get addictet, and that way we learn how he starts to be the way he is. Depthof the story, depth of the MC, depth of the other charakters. You did enumerate the things to us, so why bully with the cake if the cake is not real? ( my battary is dying on me 😢 part 2 is coming soon, i promis!)
The world building did get explained but slowly. Also all the situations are a joke a gag, it's like the simpsons none of the chapters really stick that much. Also most of the stuff you don't know about did get slowly explained after more than just the initial five chapters. If you went in depth as quickly as the beginning then there is no more to be explained later on.
