Zabuza's Waifu Adventure

"Ho, Konoha!" I greeted the on guard Team 7 as I tossed my shrimp fried rice in my big wok, releasing big wok energy into the universe.

My team tended several small cooking fires as we grilled fish and boiled a cauldron of soup. Gozu and Meizu looked a bit strung out as they watched the pot and fish skewers. I'd run them into the ground training them these last eight weeks, and shattered some of their fundamental understandings of our social dynamics. They didn't take Haku's recent genderbend well, and me telling them they only saw what I wanted them to see when they brought up seeing the former boy's penis sent them on a bit of a genjutsu existential crisis. Pretty on point forward thinking considering the big bad guy's plans. 

As for my fully transitioned apprentice who tossed the final cuts of green onion into my wok to finish the fresh and aromatic dish, I'd really tried to foster the whole father son angle to our relationship with late night talks. I wanted to give the boy the life he deserves for being such a loyal guy. Maybe I put too much time into discussing feelings with the emotionally stunted kid because he ended up crying one night about how he wished he was a girl so he could bear my children then declared his love for me. Poof, bro turned into a hot chick. 

Life's funny like that sometimes when you're working for the Waifu Catalog Company. 

As for myself, in the eight weeks since I substituted into Zabuza Momochi, I'd regrown my eyebrows, tossed out my face masks, sprouted a thick and vivacious beard, grown four inches, packed on sixty pounds, and working on my expansive Tier 5 Template of Hiruzen Sarutobi's abilities. 

As Kakashi Hatake cast a seemingly disinterested eye at us, he stood between his genin and our little picnic. The chakra sensing abilities that helped make the Third Hokage the glorious jutsu analyzing beast he is gave me a feel for the man, and I found him incredibly lacking. He felt more like a genin with a large chakra capacity than an elite jonin. It's in the density of his chakra, or lack thereof. It spoke of his currently poor physical and mental condition. Of course, even poorly conditioned for Kakashi Hatake is still far more physically capable than most can ever achieve, but this is a man who's combat time should be measured in days not minutes.

"I've got an offer for you, Konoha." I told the man, shamelessly acting like he is just another nameless faceless shinobi from the Village Hidden in the Leaves. 

"And what would that be, Nukenin?" the lanky man drawled as if bored while all our students watched the exchange closely. 

I sighed at how good my shrimp fried rice tasted, then smiled at the man, "I've taken a job recently, and got a feeling, you know the one, that feeling you get when you are hired by a greasy low down backstabbing type. You should be feeling it too by now. You know I can't just start offing clients for plotting against me, not if I want to keep getting lucrative work as a nukenin, but maybe with a little help from some new acquaintances I can pull a fast one on a shady client and let him reveal his bad intentions. And those new friends get to avoid their mission jumping a few letter grades." 

Kakashi tilted his head and hmmmed loudly, "And how might these new acquaintenses help you do that." 

Pinky looked disturbed by my wide grin filled with sharpened teeth. 

"We use the mist for your team to withdraw without my employer's goons seeing it, and you all lay low for a while. Back here, I use some henged clones to make it look like our teams fought here, throw some jutsu around to rough the place up a bit, then make it look like I won, but lost my team doing it and am injured and exhausted. I take back a water clone henged to look like your client's head and let the filthy rat that hired me do as he plans."

Kakashi nodded lazily, "And if your client pays you for a job well done?" 

"Then you will have bought your team some time to come up with a plan for dealing with us." I told him.

"Com'on Kakashi Sensei!" shouted the man's most excitable student as he broke formation, "Are we really going to run away from a pack of hobos! We're not scared, let's take'em!"

"Such arrogance, Konoha." I laughed around another wonderful mouthful of shrimp fried rice, "I haven't seen a fresh genin so confident since me, and I took my headband atop the dead pile of hundred of my year mates that I'd slain. Tell me little orange Konoha. How many people have you killed to be that arrogant?" 

Naruto Uzumaki choked back his words when his Sensei put a hand on his chest. 

"We accept." Kakashi agreed and pushed his most excitable student back. 

The mist thickened with a half handseal from me, and another formed up the water clones I'd use for the 'battle'. My team and I finished our meal and sealed away our dishes to clean later. Kakashi and his team withdrew, and when the mist settled half an hour later the seaside grove looked like a proper warzone strewn with bodies and the clone of me henged to look like he was terribly injured. He took the head off of an overdramatic clone bridge builder - who was simply two water clones henged together to be separated gruesomely - before he 'sealed away' the bodies. 

We remained out of sight - much like the Konoha team - and followed the clone as he returned to Gato's hideout to close out the contract. The diminutive businessman wasted no time betraying my water clone, a hidden thug shooting a crossbow at it from a hole in one of the walls, and with confirmation of betrayal by the client achieved my team moved in to take our payment violently.

Gato ran a big crew out to keep this island under lock, but that just meant more meat for the grinder. Gozu and Meizu dashed down the halls of Gato's dingy fortress, and operated well using their much improved basic skill set. The pair ditched their handicapping chain for a pair of short swords to go along with their clawed gauntlets. No longer could these men be tea bagged by twelve year olds, and they displayed the skills and attributes of respectable chunin.

Haku benefited significantly from the Body Tune Up that genderbent her, and went from a scrawny young man to a statuesque and powerful young woman. Kinda like Natsuo Ishido's better looking cousin. She felt little qualms dealing with the men working for Gato, her disdain for killing not extending to the kind of scum we have seen operating here in the Land of Waves. Her favored senbon sunk into their targets with great speed and accuracy, always landing on lethal points. 

While my students let loose on the fodder, I stood behind Gato until his shaking form managed to look over his shoulder at me. 

"Ho, bossman." I greeted the man with friendly warmth.

"AAHHHHH!" he screamed and fell over himself scrambling away from me along his desk's edge until he could hide behind the corner of it. 

"Zabuza!" He shrieked, "We can come to an arrangement! Just tell me what you want! I'll make it happen!"

"That's a turnabout I like." I nodded to the midget in a purple suit. 

Sensing his chance to escape with his life, "Yes! Let's make a deal, and act like this…" He glanced over to his cleaved bodyguards, "this unfortunate business, never happened." 

I grinned widely at the terrified man and said, "So I hear you like funding hostile takeovers…" 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While I have done some prewrite work for an improved version of Son of Jiraiya, I'd rather write for my favorite Naruto character ever: Zabuza. Fixing what's wrong with Son of Jiraiya feels like a duty, cranking out Zabuza content feels fun. Let me know if there is some great demand for Kiba as a protagonist. 

You can support me at 

ko-fi.com/jmanm

WC Build:

Starting World: Naruto [Standard]

Starting budget 105

Intensity [7] 

Me and My Girlfriend(s) (PvE) 0

100%/0% -5

Bindings: No Bindings 3

Heritages: Heritages Banned 1

Template Stacking: One Each 1

Power Swap Banned 1

Defense Rebates Disabled 1

Intact Weaknesses 1

Defenses: Resistance 1

Leveling Systems: Manual Connection 1

Personal World: Lawless 2

Worlds Travel: Limited 1

Warranty: Disabled 3

Death: Standard 0

Custom Intensity -5 (to make the build possible)

You as Momochi Zabuza (Substitute) of T6 -20 [85]

Talents

Template Stacking I[You as Momochi Zabuza has Sarutobi Hiruzen (Naruto)] -20 [65]

Template Stacking II[You as Momochi Zabuza [Sarutobi Hiruzen (Naruto)]] -20 [45]

Body Tune-Up -5 [40]

Martial -10 [30]

Soul -10 [20]

Wild -5 [15]

Covert -10 [5]

Educationalᵈˡᶜ -5 [0]

Athletic -5 [-5]

Defenses

Body -5 [-10]

Wild -5 [-15]

Stress -5 [-20]

Misc Perks

Sexual Calibration -2 [-22]

Companions captured +22; sold +0 [0]

Haku Yuki(T5){Devotee} from Naruto