Day 27 "Negative Thoughts"

They are something to watch out for.

Negative thoughts.

We tend to dwell in them. And we don't always immediately get out of it.

We've tried multiple things to stop it. They still come.

By then what matters is how you handle it.

Which we often fail at.

Unfortunately.

We are learning.

Doesn't mean it's not hard anymore. Still is.

We don't immediately have a panic attack or something so that's progress.

But yeah. They do stay for a long time.

We have a lot of worries.

Ranging from small to big.

We tend to try to stop the thought from growing. But it's like, once the seeds are planted, it's hard to get rid. Like doubt.

Anyway, we are currently trying to find an alternative during the time we use our phone.

On average we use it 11–14 hours.

Not good.

There are breaks sure.

Though it's only sometimes and small breaks.

We tried.

To just let our phone be and do something else. And we did.

Well, it's not sunshine and rainbows.

It is an addiction.

So yes. We have tried. And they're not full proof.

We even thought of slowly adapting to it since change can be scary and our instinct would probably want to refuse such changes.

Thing is, it's keeping us occupied.

It's keeping us from diving into our negative thoughts 90% of the time.

Took me days to remember some event back in the past which probably played a part in me now currently trying to avoid negative thoughts.

Was just overthinking again.

Ugh.

Anyway, we've tried. And we've yet to figure out some solution that will work for us.

Some have suggested we go out and socialize.

Not a bad idea.

Not a great one either.

One, we overthink. Two, we are shy. And three, we might get sent to jail for accidentally trying to befriend a minor mistaking them for their appearance and they're probably gonna freak out and call for help. Because we're so awkward.

Those aren't the only reasons. They're just some of my concerns.

Why not call your old friends to hang out?

Nope.

We each went to different schools.

And they're still IN school. While we're not. We'd rather not disturb. They already have a lot going on.

Pause for reminiscing time.

Haha.

Just earlier we had another heart palpitation. Latest we had for quite some time. Or maybe the latest strongest we had. Since we're probably used to the regular heart palpitations.

We don't know.

So we're overthinking.

Wasn't the first time that happened.

Still doesn't make it better.

And the smoke from the cigarettes aren't helping.

Secondhand smoking was it?

Yeah.

We try not to inhale too much.

Anyway, we'll....try not to overthink too much. Can't be helped with all the silence and smoke, but we'll try.

We need to charge our phone.

So like we said, negative thoughts might happen, and how we deal with it, changes things. Even just a little.

Do we feel better?

Ehhhh....it's okay.

The okay but not but still okay.

Until next chapter!

Bhe~