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Two_Times

Autor: Nou
Realistic Fiction
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A one-shot short story of a man and his wife. From the author: Hey guys! Do let me know where I can improve on! This is my first actual story that I've written. Love it? Hate it? Please tell what you love/hate about each section! It's easier to see things when you're not involved! Please, be constructive about it! Thanks!

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My First Diary

First diaries... First diaries are always exciting! As long as you have things to write about... Extract from the book : "Smile!" says a deep male voice. "Come on Emma! Smile!" says a light girly voice. "Open your eyes, Emma," Emma tells herself. She opens her eyes, with disbelief, "d... dad?" asks Emma "Yes honey?" asks the deep male voice. "Oh... nothing" answers back Emma. "Okay now... smile!!", "Very nice girls! This one is a keeper for sure, can't wait until mom sees you two!" says Emma's dad. "Yeah! Come on Emma lets... Emma?... are you okay?..." asks the little girl. "This is not happening... I... I" Emma begins to speak but stumbles upon words. "What? Is everything alright?.... You look pale... do you want some water?" "No... I... I need to sit... I..." Emma begins to speak, but she just cannot speak the words out. "This has to be a dream... I... I don't know what else it could be, but it feels so real...I... I remember this...." Emma tells herself. Emma and the little girl goes to the couch and sit down, "w... who are you?... may I ask?" asks Emma. "I... am Samantha... your best friend...I will assume that you were only joking there about asking me about my name... are you?" says Samantha, worried. "Yeah... I... I was... haha, got you..." Emma says, forcing a smile, "how can this be happening!? My father.... he is here!? I feel like I went back in time... but that is impossible... right?" Emma talks in her head to herself, "what date is it today Sam?" Emma asks Samantha. "It's.... the.... 24th of June, why?" Sam asks Emma. "Okay what year?" Emma asks Samantha again. "You kidding?..." Samantha tells Emma. "Just answer my question please..." Emma pleads Samantha. "It's 2014... and you have lost your mind..." Samantha tells Emma, slightly feeling worried. Emma opens her eyes wide, "this must be a dream, it has to be a dream, how the fuck could I then explain me going back 4 years in time...

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LostInFictions
LostInFictionsLv3LostInFictions

I like your concept, but somehow the writing couldn't get me. It was more like I was reading what has happened. It seemed a narration of the entire event. I didn't get pulled in the universe of this tale. Also, there were couple of errors. Perhaps, you meant them to write in Italics and then they would have seemed right but since Italics isn't allowed here, it looks wrong. You should put them in single quotes. But like you said that this is your first story - you've done a wonderful job if that's the case.

Gourmet_DAO
Gourmet_DAOLv7Gourmet_DAO

Revela spoiler

impatientreader123
impatientreader123Lv5impatientreader123

i just came across the story randonmly while reading some post in a forum. anyways, after reading I think it was good (not great because of some mistakes in reading flow you can say); specially considering it is author's first time. It's just a chapter, but god I felt that "thudd" along with uneasiness as i read last two line. Overall nice short story (not techincally a story, just a incident). Also, the dvelopment of story was a bit weird as it was confusing when he started remembering of what happened, so yeah a bit messy flow I would say.

PeachyPearl
PeachyPearlLv4PeachyPearl

Since it's said to be a one shot, I think it's okay to review it. It's a MUST read for those who love to read about LOVE I'm not talking about romance here but a pure kind of love. Above those physical things, that sweet feeling, you have delivered that feeling really very well, Author. I'm really impressed. Please create more such stories. Thank you for letting me read this one of the Pure Love based stories on WN. I'm contented.

Tyramisu
TyramisuLv13Tyramisu

Revela spoiler

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