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Godhood: My Planet System (Deleted)

Autor: awada141
Fantasía
En Curso · 648.1K Visitas
  • 30 Caps
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  • 4.3
    31 valoraciones
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<< Warning>> This is the previous edition of the novel, for more, check auxiliary chapter. --------- Having a had normal and simple life since his birth, Long He couldn't imagine that such a thing would happen to him. While he was drowning, a glowing bead merged with his body, raising him to Godhood. He opened his eyes to a foreign world; the planet’s flat land stretches for mile on end of miles. No trees, plants, or anything could be seen popping up on the ground. Where was he? What has happened to him? Is he alive? Is he dead? He didn't know a single answer to these questions. Yet, he didn't give up as he thought of a solution to his problem; this is his cunning nature, after all. Ding. [Planet System Activated.] That was the voice that introduced him to the Milky-way universe, where millions of gods and demigods resided. However, things aren't peaceful as he thought before. Blood will be spilled. Bodies will be pierced. Wars are to be fought... Will he survive in this universe? Will he and his allies emerge victorious in the wars? Come and read the story of the god of Aquahelios, Long He, the Waterflame! ------ Support me on Patreon: www.patreon.com/awada141 Join the Discord server: https://discord.gg/qJ8DDTa

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MochizukiTsukinoki
MochizukiTsukinokiLv3

This story was created with pretty interesting concept, yet few aspect could be seen immediately that they're lackluster. It wasn't about the system or something that has to do with the power and anything along those line, the problem here was the fact that the character wasn't really get the spotlight they deserves. It was already on chapter five, and yes, focusing on the plot and world building is important. Sometimes you need to sacrifice which one need to be become more mundane than the other aspect, that's what happen on this story. The world building was pretty solid, I could even give it full star for that. But the development was hath to be paced down a bit. It was too fast, even entering the conflict was could be seen as the author being excited and wanted to continue the story already, something I could sympathize too to be honest. Problem here is the character, they didn't feel so alive, because yes, they just don't. Problem wasn't on the writing or anything like that, it was more on how the atmosphere was created by the words that connected each other into one sentence, it was obviously not strong enough. Advice are given from this point. Try to paced your story, make it bit slower. If you could, focus on what is so important in the story for one chapter only, don't be afraid to do that, this is Webnovel, it's okay to slow down things by doing this. Also to improve more there are more reference could be included inside the story, by what I mean reference is the books that the writer reads that'll become something he study from and learning. The planet system could become a much more realistic with this in mind. It wasn't bad, but just with more tinkering, it would be more great.

Empressblue
EmpressblueLv5
EkOmkar
EkOmkarLv10

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