webnovel
KoejiSllycc
KoejiSllyccLv45yr
2018-12-26 01:11

Your wordings are real good actually. Just needs a bit of fixer uppers here and there. Download grammarly on firefox, that's what I use, It's a lifesaver. But don't trust everything it says. Do more dialogues that are more dynamic, not sure how to say. But I feel that it needs a soothe of casual but more realistic in terms of wordings. Tell about your surroundings more often. Describe it in detail, but not too much, else the chaps get a little stretched, and peeps get mad sometimes. Stretch the story, but softly if possible. Take time for the MC to do something else that's irrelevant to the story, but still relevant to an extent. I'm not saying that you should make a filler, just stretch the story a bit. Don't run, it's dangerous, you can trip, just walk. Last but not the least, just a warning. Be intensely careful at what you're going to put at the beginning. The very foundations of your novel, is your starting chapters. Everything that I just mentioned were the faults I made at the beginning that even to this day, I still have a hard time fixing it. Why? Because they're so darn instilled into the story and have more than 80k words. Well, that's it from me. Good luck with your novel man XD

Liked by 9 people

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Replies3
HansTheCool
HansTheCoolLv5

I was so captivated by your profile picture, I didn't get a single thing you said

DeMolay
DeMolayLv10

Vou seguir essas dicas no futuro. Obrigado.

KoejiSllycc
KoejiSllyccLv4

Lol

HansTheCool:I was so captivated by your profile picture, I didn't get a single thing you said
Other Reviews
MochizukiTsukinoki
MochizukiTsukinokiLv3

This story was created with pretty interesting concept, yet few aspect could be seen immediately that they're lackluster. It wasn't about the system or something that has to do with the power and anything along those line, the problem here was the fact that the character wasn't really get the spotlight they deserves. It was already on chapter five, and yes, focusing on the plot and world building is important. Sometimes you need to sacrifice which one need to be become more mundane than the other aspect, that's what happen on this story. The world building was pretty solid, I could even give it full star for that. But the development was hath to be paced down a bit. It was too fast, even entering the conflict was could be seen as the author being excited and wanted to continue the story already, something I could sympathize too to be honest. Problem here is the character, they didn't feel so alive, because yes, they just don't. Problem wasn't on the writing or anything like that, it was more on how the atmosphere was created by the words that connected each other into one sentence, it was obviously not strong enough. Advice are given from this point. Try to paced your story, make it bit slower. If you could, focus on what is so important in the story for one chapter only, don't be afraid to do that, this is Webnovel, it's okay to slow down things by doing this. Also to improve more there are more reference could be included inside the story, by what I mean reference is the books that the writer reads that'll become something he study from and learning. The planet system could become a much more realistic with this in mind. It wasn't bad, but just with more tinkering, it would be more great.

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