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Unfairly Fair

Fantasie
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Zusammenfassung

What if people have abilities? The people where a world called "Elmentus" were all born with individual abilities. Whether strong or weak abilities they have, it must be used to help each other. Azelus, Ignis Caeli Aquila Terrance Quint, age 16, wondered why people start to abuse their power for no good, they use it for crimes, use it for greediness, and use it to obtain more power by stealing each other's ability. Quint wants to restore the world from its destruction, with his faith to the highest deity, and with his good deeds, he pondered..., "What if the world continues to be in its chaos? "Will there be a hero to save it? "Will there be unselfish people who want to restore it like me?" "Will I be able to save it just on my own? ,"

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Chapter 1Prologue

3:00 AM

As the street lights are dimly launching, A teen guy in a white hoodie is walking alongside the street, he deeply sighed; He hears no sound, nor barking dogs inasmuch as he was walking silently.

The back of his finger touch his chin as he contemplated "What should I give her in return to this cool hoo--- *stab*

Without noticing at his back, someone suddenly stabbed him, he made a painful sound "aawRRghhh"

"HAHAHA!!!" He heard a devilish laugh burst out from the man who stabbed him then heard an arrogant tone from him, "Give me your ability or else I will pierce your back! hahaha!"

As he recurred his head, he angrily grumbled then shouted "How dare you stab me!! you awful--" *Slap!*

The guy's heavy hand touched his face as it stings from the impact while he heard the guy wrathfully asserting "You dare talk back to me kid! you're just a mere kid! show respect to me! Understand!?"

He did not react and lowered his head.

He again heard the guy say "Now, kid!, give me your ability, or else I'll kill you on the spot! give me!! and even if you try to escape from me, I still can follow you through my teleportation!!" it crunches his ears as he once again heard a devilish laugh from the guy "Wahahahhahahaha, now hand it over to me kid or DIE! because this knife, I put poison on it!! Wahahahahah!! You have no choice but die then I'll stea-*swoosh*.

All of a sudden, He vanished into thin air as the guy marveled "HUH! Where'd that kid go!!'?"

*Pwift*

A sudden quietness occurred while the guy quivered as cold breeze touch his skin, and,...without knowing the kid appeared on his back through a freezing mist as his body shivered once more.

Then he heard the kid's gripe "MISTER!!HOW dare you ruin MY HOODIE! , NOW I'M IN A BAD MOOD YOU ARROGANT CREATURE!!! he saw the kid's eyes slowly turning into purple from its cyan color, and he again realized that the kid's index finger was pointed at him.

His face began wrinkling as he can not control his knees from descending and his throat began drying and made an arduous sound "Arrrrgghhh!". As he coughs, he still ponders why the kid is so powerful when he looks puny as he stated "Kid! *coughs* what did you do to me! *coughs* I cannot believe a mutt like you can defeat me *coughs* but you won't last because of the poisoning in the knife that I put---*severely coughing*

He began to taste blood in his mouth as he coughed vigorously, and he laid his hands on the floor at the time that he paroled blood out of his trembling mouth.

He looked up and saw the kid's eyes wanting to abolish him, his posture stiffed, as he heard the kid fiercely say "Wanna know? well, pay for your sins first". He saw the kid creating an energy ball, and he gulped on account of sensing that it will be a powerful attack.

He shook his head then boastfully said "How DARE you!!! you have no respect and mercy!* coughs continually* don't you know who I am!? I- I am the great thi--- *Woooosh*

He saw the boy remorselessly hurled that powerful attack at him, and it blasted him out from the force. Through soil, he noticed his body slowly dissipating as he felt his soul burning torridly while he smelled a stinking aroma coming out of his body. Tears began dropping bit by bit from his blurry eyes, whilst he espied a fuzzy image of the boy smirking, and he vanished in his wonder.

The rain started to fall as leaves scattered around the area, the ground cracked inasmuch lava flowed from the fissures. The boy then asserted. "It's too late mister!, and FYI, I show no respect nor mercy to people who suddenly assault me behind my back!! *while talking to the air*.

He opened his palm towards the fissure and the lava went back beneath the ground as the cracks restore and the rain stopped. He clenched his fist as he said "I will eliminate anyone who's using their ability for violence, greed, and bad schemes, although I know that you can't fight me, *talking to the air*, what I do is unfairly fair because of my ability, but no matter what happens, I will bring this world back to its good shape, defeating the dark entities the so-called great Klay established!" and he continued walking as his wounds are mending by itself, while his hood restores and it shows that he is indeed immune to poison.

"Lastly, I do not want violence anymore, I shall bring this world back to its good shape converting those dark entities to have faith to the highest deity who gave us these powers and do good things"

and he deeply sighed then returned to his pleasant mood as his eyes turned back to its original color.

*Prologue Done*

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Snowin
SnowinLv3

My rating - 4.6/5 Here's why: First off, cool title. Its catchy and already hooks me in, despite me not knowing anything about the story. Nice Job! Synopsis: Cut the last line out, where you say "He addedd.." and so on. It ruins the ******* you built up in the previous lines and is quite unnecessary. Just delete the last line and you got yourself a fine synopsis. Writing - I can easily see this is most likely your first work? I would assume so, because you are struggling with exactly the same things I used to struggle with. You are drastically overusing the word "and," also, you arent using it to make the writing flow smoothly. A lot of sentences just seem like they need a proofreader and it would tightly be redefined into something great. Again, this is just my opinion as a reader. Also, you are using far too many elements into one piece of writing. For example, you used ** to signal events, you use a script-like format in the second chapter where the dialogue is just guy 1: guy 2: girl:1 and so on. Its unecessary and its not very unique. I also personally dont like when people use sound affects as in WOWOWOW andf BAAAM. it gets overused too much and i just feel like its a lazy way of describing something. I would also like to see some descriptions of scenes and people. There was almost nothing to visualize in the first two chapters, other than the prologue. As far as story - an academy is very cliche and overused, and very hard to make unique. However, the stealing of powers is very interesting and I actually really like the concept. Keep writing it, im interested to see where this goes. Also, and the most important tip of all (something i struggle with currently ) SHOW, don't Tell. That about sums it up. Sorry if this seems harsh, but im giving you honest feedback that people are afraid to do on this site. I, just like you, am still improving and working to get better and better at writing. So take this as critisism, either way, it was a fun read. And later on, im sure you'll do fantastic as a writer! NICE JOB!

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