My rating - 4.6/5 Here's why: First off, cool title. Its catchy and already hooks me in, despite me not knowing anything about the story. Nice Job! Synopsis: Cut the last line out, where you say "He addedd.." and so on. It ruins the ******* you built up in the previous lines and is quite unnecessary. Just delete the last line and you got yourself a fine synopsis. Writing - I can easily see this is most likely your first work? I would assume so, because you are struggling with exactly the same things I used to struggle with. You are drastically overusing the word "and," also, you arent using it to make the writing flow smoothly. A lot of sentences just seem like they need a proofreader and it would tightly be redefined into something great. Again, this is just my opinion as a reader. Also, you are using far too many elements into one piece of writing. For example, you used ** to signal events, you use a script-like format in the second chapter where the dialogue is just guy 1: guy 2: girl:1 and so on. Its unecessary and its not very unique. I also personally dont like when people use sound affects as in WOWOWOW andf BAAAM. it gets overused too much and i just feel like its a lazy way of describing something. I would also like to see some descriptions of scenes and people. There was almost nothing to visualize in the first two chapters, other than the prologue. As far as story - an academy is very cliche and overused, and very hard to make unique. However, the stealing of powers is very interesting and I actually really like the concept. Keep writing it, im interested to see where this goes. Also, and the most important tip of all (something i struggle with currently ) SHOW, don't Tell. That about sums it up. Sorry if this seems harsh, but im giving you honest feedback that people are afraid to do on this site. I, just like you, am still improving and working to get better and better at writing. So take this as critisism, either way, it was a fun read. And later on, im sure you'll do fantastic as a writer! NICE JOB!
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First of all, I did not get offended, in fact, I am grateful for the honest review! I appreciate and humbly take your criticism in my story and Yea, you're right this is my first story, and I'm trying to improve this novel by showing and not telling. Right now I'm practicing at the same time struggling on how to Show, don't tell, It's kinda hard to do it. My eyes sparkled knowing that prologue was an exemption because that part of my story is what I revised and trained there how to show. Thank you so much! Your honest review triggers me more to improve my writing just like how you did well in your magnificent novel! I would gladly take this criticism— I don't consider this as a criticism but rather it is a lesson for me to write this novel better.
Yes, showing rather than telling is very very difficult. I struggle with it myself, but it is the most vital part of the story. Let both improve on our writing journey!
Sure!, let's both improve our writing! I'm all fired up to do it because you gave me the inspiration to do so.
