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The Idle System

Autor: Pegaz
Fantasie
Laufend · 2.3M Ansichten
  • 13 Kaps
    Inhalt
  • 4.1
    117 Bewertungen
  • NO.200+
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Zusammenfassung

There's a single ambition no man can reject: Immortality. For John, death was merely the beginning. Transmigrating into a new world granted him an opportunity to change his view on life. With power and immortality as new goals, he is willing to pay any price. Unfortunately, there are those willing to take advantage of him and his unfamiliarity with a new world. Shadows behind the curtains, unwilling to reveal themselves, will trick him into doing their bidding. Now, John faces an entire kingdom on his own. Deceived? Conned? They don't care. His actions carry a sin none of them are willing to forgive. With the world as an enemy, John will fight to accomplish his goals. His path will be stopped by no one. Read this novel to enjoy a journey of self-discovery, ambition and revenge. Inspired by classical LitRPG, Xianxia and Fantasy, Idle System is a new take on these genres. If you've enjoyed novels like Ready Player One, Main Character Hides his Strength or Dodge Tank, then you're bound to love this book The Idle System is available as an ebook. (Professionally edited + new plot twist) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07HNKPKZ3 I will be posting the same amount of chapters on RoyalRoad.com

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Fleeting_Cloud
Fleeting_CloudLv11
TomRiffle101
TomRiffle101Lv11
Fatality
FatalityLv5

This story has a lot of potential, but unfortunately the subpar writing is really letting it down. Before accusing me of hating this story, allow me to explain. Firstly, the author capitalizes too much. Any word that is not a name nor the first word of a sentence does not have to be capitalized, unless it's a proper noun. – e.g. a Christian church, Canadian whisky, a Shakespearean sonnet. Secondly, there are way too many plot holes in the story with several flaws in logic. I would also recommend that if you were to create a system based on numbers, the least you could do is to make sure your calculations are correct, as there are quite a few obvious mistakes I won't point out. Several terms were also used incorrectly. For example, instead of "artery system", you should have used "circulatory system". I understand that you may not be aware that you have been using incorrect terms but it's essential for good storytelling. I will not elaborate further on this issue, as its something that you have to figure out on your own. I would suggest reading English published books that have been professionally edited; it will be helpful in improving your grammar and vocabulary. I have also noticed that you made several mistakes with the usage of past tense, present tense, singluar and plural verbs. I might be coming off as nitpicky but as the saying goes, "God is in the detail". Bad grammar can cause descriptions to appear strange to readers and interrupt the story flow, as they will have to go back several paragraphs to make sense of what is happening. I hope the author will notice this review and improve on his writing, as the theme of this story has too much potential to be wasted. I wrote this review with the hope that 'original stories' in our community will gain more exposure and the *******ish writing will be in the future, not so *******ish.

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