Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Sitting at my desk, I turn my head to the right so I can look out the window noticing the change in color. Seeing the sun rising breaking over the horizon. Looking around the studio apartment I take in the spartan almost empty room.

This room could be considered empty. Yes, I have my laptop and desk. I have a small round two-person table I eat at when home. I have my queen size bed with bland grey bedding ensemble that is further enhanced by the shadows.

Even the bed is empty and unslept in. Yet that only enforces how empty the place is. That even my bed is empty.

I have spent the night reading the information provided by Garrick. Now I feel just as empty and hollow as this apartment. Causing my view of reality has been unmoored from the foundation I have held on to.

He gave me what I assume was advice or life wisdom. With his comment about a 'weapon is created and is therefore innocent.' Yet it was the second part of that saying about the 'only peace we are meant to have, is the peace we provide others.'

I took that at face value. In fact, in a way that has been the fuel that I have been using as my compass on how to begin to atone for my past deeds. But seems as if I was wrong, he wasn't referring to my recent deeds. He was hinting that my peace would come from knowing about the peace I gave others through my assassinations.

'Am I truly as empty as this room.'

'I feel empty. It has been about eighteen hours since I left Fury's office. I spent that entire time reading my dossier.'

'The more I read, the more I felt everything just leaving me. I was specifically headhunted and the entire black widow program was established to create me and provide a cover for me.'

'That is the sick part it was created as a cover for me.'

Looking back at the information that started and sealed my life's path.

[Memo]

The organization code named Red Room will be a joint venture between Soviet intelligence and the newly formed SHIELD.

The purpose is to train one Natasha XRedactedX and provide a screen to obscure her true importance.

Funding as well as technology will be provided by SHIELD. Training and handling will be handled by Soviet intelligence.

Main technology to be supplied will be equipment to stimulate muscle and skeletal development to human perfection.

1. This will be accomplished through a specific and dedicated training regime to target agility, flexibility, and endurance.

2. A device that will stimulate muscle growth and increase the denseness of her bones.

3. An advanced and perfected XredactedX XredactedX Serum.

a. To be administered one year after onset of puberty.

4. Lesser serums will be provided to the other decoy subjects.

5. Psychological training equipment to improve psychological endurance.

6. Memory replacement/implementation equipment.

The mission will be to use her to prevent any future potential world threating level threats labeled 'Hitler' level. Her missions will be approved and issued by the joint agreement between Soviet intelligence and SHIELD or by order of the UN oversight committee.

…

'Not finishing the memo for I have read it countless times I would reread the memo after reading one or two of my missions.'

'All the evidence suggests that I was a world ending prevention weapon. My targets where either a monster equal to or worse than Hitler. Or on very few occasions were a "Mercy Kill" or as one mission debrief has written. "… Sometimes the only solution is to detonate the bomb when time or other factors prevent disarming".'

"So, the peace I brought to others was continued existence. Also seems that all missions were issued and signed off by Garrick's mysterious 'Man on the Wall'."

"Well, I guess technically all actionable intelligence that was used as the basis for the mission was provided by that individual. If not his actual signature on the order."

Turning my head, I look at my phone before picking it up. The time showing its now 7:38 am acting before I can second guess myself, I call the number given to me by Garrick.

"This is Garrick. Who do I have the pleasure of speaking with."

"How much of what you provided me is the truth."

"Ah good morning to you Natasha. The information is as accurate as can be with using predictive algorithms especially considering the limitations of tech and knowledge of the time."

"Yet I feel this answer would satisfy you better. I ran my own simulations based on the exact same evidence that was provided to you. My results were that 73% were actionable good calls and if not enacted there would be an 87.52% that those specific missions would have led to unfavorable situations."

"For the other 27% or so that could be said was questionable only had around 38% of them that would lead to a situation. The only thing is each and every one that falls into that 27% would have been world ending."

"I must admit that with the exception of one or two of your missions I would have made the same decisions."

"Which ones do you disagree with?" I ask not knowing why, but feeling like I need something to keep my companions called guilt and blame. Not sure what to do with myself if I keep feeling empty.

"Give yourself time Natasha, you will find a satisfactory replacement to fill your emptiness. It's not that I necessarily disagree with the decision. I would say I would have made other arrangements. I feel not only was the solution premature it was very short sighted."

"But to answer your question. The first was the Parkers. The potential they represented would outweigh any foreseeable probable outcome. The only possible thought process I can make is that their deaths were not for prevention but the opposite it was done to ensure a very specific event."

"The second was your recall from your surveillance mission on Howard Stark."

"What nothing on why that was a bad call."

"Frankly no. That one situation has to many unknowns and variables. It is murky and chaotic with facts. So chaotic that I feel it is a fixed event that has been fucked with numerous times that it no longer can lead to a correct outcome."

"Are you using 'fixed event' to imply some predetermined fate."

"Kinda of yeah, though the theory is a lot more fleshed out. It boils down to mean that."

"I will just add that a 'fixed event' can be created, instead of simply being predetermined."

"Is that what you believe. That it was created. And how is something like that created?"

"Simple two ways, and honestly, they are basically the same thing. But first is a short time loop. Second is someone makes a change after a certain amount of time it was determined that was not the correct change to create the desired outcome. So, they repeat making changes until they get the desired or at least acceptable outcome."

"Who has the ability to manipulate time like that?"

"Natasha first revisit that question and you will see you answered it yourself in the question. But I know three individuals who have that ability without the means of technology. As for who can do it using technology well frankly it's as infinite as there is a future."

"How do I proceed? I assume you wanted me to read my information, so I learned how deeply Fury was manipulating me. Then decide on if I could agree with that and continue working with him and SHIELD or if I was abhorred and betrayed and therefore didn't give a care."

"How to proceed that is simple. Choose your own path using the information and experience you have. Like everyone else."

"Then answer one question for me. Give me the last piece of information."

"Oh, what else could you possibly want to know?"

"Why are you providing or doing this for me. What do you want from me?"

"After your little dog and pony show yesterday. You made it abundantly clear that we are a joke especially with that smile/smirk you gave us."

"Where do I fit in, what would be my purpose?"

"That is what you want to know? You have enough knowledge and understanding of the human psyche when dealing with the unknown. I am an alien, and I am surrounded by nothing but artificial sentients. Having a human will provide a known factor and ease interactions."

"I understand that, but you could have any of the seven billion individuals on this planet fill that role. So once again why me."

"For the same reason, we are fellow weapons our purpose for being created might be different, but we have that common point. You will not be intimidated by someone's position or authority. You are very easy on the eyes."

"So even you are interested in my body."

"Did I specifically mention your body. I said you are easy on the eyes. Yes, you are physically beautiful, not going to deny that. But I meant you as in all of you, your body, your mind, your ability to create your own moral compass. Even if you don't believe you have one."

"I understand that there are usually unspoken intimate duties when using the term Personal Assistant. Versus using a title like administration assistant. Which is why I used PA, I wanted to create that ambiguity."

"Garrick, I …"