One Step At A Time (DanMachi)

Feb 29, 04:35 PM

Here it is, the day I've been dreading has finally arrived. Today, either it has just begun, or it's all over for me.

I'm sitting in a lavishly decorated living room, a maid standing in a corner ready and waiting to serve. I'm holding a phone in my sweaty hands, a webpage is on the screen, in which I've filled my student details.

The mark sheet which will dictate weather I managed to make something out of myself or nothing, is only a tap away.

With my hands cupping my phone, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. My heart is testing the limits of my ribcage.

Finally stoning my resolve I tap on the 'generate result', and wait for the link to load and open.

"Please select the images with car in them"

Right… Sighing in frustration I deal with it.

And once again I sit and gather whatever resolve I could muster and tap on 'generate result'.

Just a second before the link opens, I feel a tap on my left shoulder which gives me a jump scare, I'm not sure I'll ever forget.

My ashen grey eyes shoots wide open as I look behind in a frenzy enough to get my neck hurting. Turning my gaze to the perpetrator of that, I see a boy, black hair and eyes of the same color, slightly olive skin, smiling ever so brightly he spoke, "Don't you worry, big one…I know you worked hard for it and Paa also pulled some strings… There's no way you didn't make…"

His words trails off and his smile freezes, a bout of awkwardness takes over him.

Knowing him, I don't even need to look back to screen to know what happened. I've failed yet again.

My eyes closes in resignation. The grip on my phone lessens, threatening to drop it, inside I wanted to throw it away.

Regaining his composer my little brother speaks again while taking the phone from my hands, "Okay listen…there might be some mistake here…let me see it and then we'll take it to Paa. I'm sure he'll know what to do"

My mind is too overwhelmed to any sense. There's only one thing going inside my mind in spiral -

[ Why, I worked so hard, cut my sleep to 6 hours a day, did whatever I could to score as high as I can…I know I passed…I should've passed with flying colors…I wrote too much to fail…then why! ]

This was my 5th year as well as the final one, for the Diploma in I.T, which was of 3 years. That means if I didn't make it this year, then all my 5 years' worth of time would've been for nothing. 5 years is the maximum time limit to complete my diploma.

My thoughts comes to halt when my little brother speaks again, "You passed everything but a single subject isn't graded… Let's take it to Paa."

"N-no wait…just google it or something. There's gotta be something there…maybe I can fix it on my own!"

"If you could do something about this…then it wouldn't have taken you 5 years…", only to fail.

My mind completed his sentence. As much as I wanted to lash out I knew he was right.

As a matter of fact we both knew why that subject wasn't graded: During examinations, our answer sheets comes attached with an OMR sheet in which we have to use our pen to dot the circles which represents our numbers such as Enrollment no. , Paper code, subject code, etc. For example, if my Enrollment no. is 123456 then I'll be dotting the circles which represents '123456'.

The catch here is that, the OMR sheet is scanned with a specialized scanner which compares that OMR sheet with the University's database. And if there's found that there's even a single entity in the OMR sheet doesn't match, the computer or say the scanner will reject the whole damn thing. Making that student's effort a complete waste, and regardless of your connections with the higher ups there's nothing you'll be able to do about it - you failed that exam.

The same thing happened with me. I don't know where I went wrong, what I wrote wrong but, I do know that it's all over for me now.

My little brother turns around and walks towards the door which leads out of the living room gesturing me to follow, leaving me no choice but to.

He walks in a brisk pace with me timidly following behind as we make our away around the gorgeously decorated corridors towards the garden at the back of the mansion, where father and the rest are usually gathered for what they call 'Good Afternoon Tea Time'.

Emerging from the huge doors of the mansion, the rays of the vile sun make me close my eyes, it takes me a few seconds to adjust. Opening my eyes, I'm greeted with a sight of a garden which can rival or surpass any other in the whole world. All sorts of beautiful flowers ~swish~ in the February wind painting a sight that common folk would call Heaven. 50 meters ahead, in the middle of the garden is a pond with all kinds of beautiful fishes playing in it.

In middle of that big pond is a sitting area constructed with white marble along with a set of beautifully decorated circular table and chairs; a pavilion. Many different kinds of sweets and pastries, along with a tea set are rested on the table: they looked so beautiful on sight that they just weren't sparkling.

Sitting on a chair was a man that looked like he is in his late 40s but was actually 52. He had olive skin and brown hair with a few specks of white in them. A perfectly trimmed beard reached his collar bone and mustache curled upwards. Black framed eyeglasses were rested on his nose, and his black eyes which reflected wisdom and dignity were glued to the word puzzle on today's newspaper. His right hand held on to a pencil while fingers of the left hooked a teacup. That is my Father.

Sitting right beside him was a woman whose beauty puts today's celebrities to shame despite of being in her late 40s. Her silver hair were tied in a loose bun behind her neck. Her eyes were the prettiest of silver orbs. She held on to a cup with her right hand, and used her left for the tea saucer which rested the cup on top of it. A small amused smile was adorned on her face as she watched her husband stuck in the puzzle.

Our family's head butler stood straight behind them, along with two maids.

My brother and I are crossing the bridge decorated with wines and flowers between the garden and the pavilion.

My heart is beating faster with every step I'm taking.

[ This is so not going to end well.]

And was right, it didn't.

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My bond with my family is next to nothing, yet I love them more than I love my self. Ever since I was able to make sense of my surroundings I preferred being alone. But things weren't bad, I always scored highest till high school, I had a face that had the best of both my parents, until something happened during my last days as a high school student. No one knows what happened other than the person who caused it and me.

I went into a spiral of depression, never once making even a slightest bit of effort to turn the situation around.

I've always loved anime and video games, but when the things went down I became obsessed with them. Those 20 minutes of an episode made me forget about everything that had happened or is happening till the ending song played. Even if the ground I stood on was obliterating to pieces those 20 minutes made my eyes shine with happiness and hope but, it alas only lasted till the ending played.

My parents didn't like that… not the fact I'm having fun but, the fact I'm doing nothing, trying to change nothing. Everything and anything, from my relations to my body's health became irrelevant to me. It didn't matter how I looked, what I wore, how healthy is the food I'm eating…nothing caught my attention. Even sitting doing nothing, I was… I am always lost in my own world, imagining myself in the scenarios that will never happen in real life, picturing myself as the protagonist of recent esakai novel or anime I've watched. The cycle was on for the last 5 years… no, come to think of it… I was like this for as long as I could remember.

In the name of 'friends' I had always had my imaginary friend by my side to laugh with, discuss anime and games with. I have no count to the number of beautiful memories I have with her, she may be just in my head but, she always cheered me up, made me laugh…cried when I did. To most people may sound funny and pathetic but, she means the world to me. She have no name, no face, or a body…not even a voice but, she is always there for me. I needed no one else, she's more than enough.

The only pieces of my true happiness came from three things…

Anime

Video Games, and…

Her

But…

I middle of it all, I ignored and offended that one thing which is known for destroying any and all dreams. Something that can pick up all your dreams and aspirations, and smash them to smithereens then stomp on them, right in front of your face. And there's nothing anyone will be able to do about it, and it will do all that just because you ignored it, that thing is… Reality.

How easily it smashes people's everything, that I'm always left speechless.

One may be able to run from it for a time but, no one can hide.

I just realized that a little too late.

It's like a spiteful god passing judgment that is almost never fair…or may be it is, no one can say for sure. It all just feels so cruel to me that can't stand it.

That's why I hate…I absolutely hate Reality. And right now it has its sights on me…I can feel it.

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Father and mother notices us right away as we were making our way towards them. Mother greets me with a smile, "Ahh…there you are! Hurry up, we have your favorite cookies right here." While pouring a cup of tea for me.

My steps stops right then and there, my eyes darting towards the ground. I stand at the 'entry' of the pavilion while my little brother makes his way towards the tea mother has poured for me.

That much was enough for Father and Mother to realize something was wrong so, my father eyes the butler and the maids to leave.

Once they were gone, my father starts talking, "Can I safely assume that you are done with your 'Diploma Drama'? … if so, then I'd like talk about your future."

Words have left me long ago, nothing was coming out. All I did was open and close my mouth hoping to at least let out a 'yes' or 'no'.

Father's eyebrows curls into a frown at my silence and turns to face my brother, who was stuffing his face with my favorite cookies and tea in a jolly mood like nothing concerns him. As a matter of fact, it really was none of his concern and he made no attempts to hide it.

Seeing father's attention on him, he gulped what was in his mouth and spoke before clearing his throat, "Well…you see Paa, his report card did came out and he passed'em all… No! Not all, a single subject wasn't graded I don't know why…sooo ... we came here."

"Show it to me." he then took my phone and gazed at the screen while picking up his own to make a call.

All I could do is just stand, as he dial his contact's no. and make the call.

"Hello Mr. Wilson… a very good afternoon to you too. I believe we have a problem…my son's report card came out and a subject wasn't graded…"

"Yes, please take your time and check it…"

The more he talked the faster my faster my heart raced in fear. I'm almost completely covered with sweat. My body shaking.

How I wish this conversation never ends.

Mother had her eyes glued on me and it didn't even took a second for her to figure out what happened.

I look up, just in time to see those eyes of her which held pity and a will to help slowly closed with a frown in resignation as she took a deep breath and sighed, while placing her cup on the table, her right hand pinching the bridge of her nose.

Never in my life had I felt so horrible. My mother who have always been on my side, even though I never appreciated it, had given up. I knew at that moment whatever that is about come, I'll be alone in it. That thought scared me to no end. I felt my world was spinning.

My father's thunderous voice scares me out of my thoughts.

"JUST WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!!"

My neck turns to face him. His eyes wide open, breathing ragged, in reckless rage he threw my phone at me and it hit me square in the face. The impact was so strong that I fell on my butt along with the phone which now had a broken screen. Tears of pain comes out of my eyes. This was the first time he ever hit me. My soul wants to leave my body, I want to run away but, where? I never felt so ashamed but, not wronged. Every ounce of my being is realizing that, I deserve it.

'Her' ... my best friend's voice rings in my ears, "it's gonna be okay…just bear with it…it'll be over soon..."

My Father never looked so angry. His face turns towards mother and says, "Do you know what your little prince did! He ruined everything going on for him! … He ruined his Diploma! His ruined his future! He ruined our hopes! He ruined EVERYTHING!"

Mother's head was low, her teary eyes reflected on the tea.

I really want to die now! To make her cry…I never felt such self-loathing. For a son to watch his mother cry right in front of him is a punishment even hell would think twice about giving. And I was the reason for my mother's tears…

Father continued as he looked up as if complaining to the heavens, "Such lofty ambitions I had for you… I wasn't even expecting much and you know it! Then why…? I never asked you to top your class…all that I wanted was for you to achieve something! For you…for you own sake not mine…I'm rich enough to feed your 9 generations without a single dent!"

He was right, they never asked me do what my peers did. Never once told me to achieve something great for them to brag about. It's all me.

"You had the best education…best tutors money could buy. Hell! I bought the authorities for you, and you still failed? What went wrong!? Talk to me! Where did WE went wrong...? I gave you everything you wanted! ... And you misused everything…But, its fine. You know… my father simply raised his hands and said he has no money for my education while I was in collage…he simply gave up on me even when I topped everything and anything I took part in. I had to do 2 jobs along with studying for constant competition exams and I did and I won! ... My father polished shoes while mother ironed stranger's clothes for a few coins… I came from there and NOW I STAND THE RICHEST MAN IN THE COUNTRY! … and you are my son? …laughable!"

Father's trembling hands were clenched on the table as he shook his head with a sad smile on his face. He spoke again in a trembling voice.

"May be its because you never knew what hunger is… never knew what it feels like to a 13 year old, to see people eating delicious food at the restaurant he works in, and all he could do is just stare with a watering mouth… because he had no nothing in his pockets… may be if I hadn't given you everything… may be if I hadn't thought that 'No way in hell! My child will go through anything even remotely close to what I had'… *scoffs* just may be if I hadn't adored you so much…"

Every word he spoke brought a new a wave of shame to me. How I wanted to tell the man that I'll be better, I'll do better… I'm sorry. I'll do everything you say… I won't watch that stupid anime…I won't play any games…just please…please don't give up on me… please don't…

My little brother was long stunned to silence, as he watched the events unfold like a frozen statue.

Seeing Father's emotional upheaval, mother hurriedly held onto his hand. Looking up with her tired eyes which were so lively a few moments ago, she spoke, "Your BP! … calm down…take deep breaths… deep breaths."

Holding her hand in his, father nodded a few time and finally calmed down. He then looked the me, who was sitting on the floor, trembling. Eyes desperately begging.

Father spoke after a long sigh,

"You're right… he's not worth dying over… Argus… I've lost… not to the world but, you…you're the first person to ever break my will." resting his back on the chair, his eyes closed in resignation.

Mother looked at me and softly spoke, "Argus, go to your room and don't come down… I'll have dinner sent to you…"

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Month of April.

I'm sitting on the wide concrete railing of a 6 story building Father owns, with the 8th cigarette between my fingers and an almost empty packet beside me. Gazing at the never sleeping city. My mind is in utter chaos. I don't know what to do, don't know what to think. Every day I'm waking up from nightmares, watching everyone leave me alone, while all I could do is just sit there and beg them not to.

How ironic! Couple of month's back I just wanted to be left alone. Well, now I am, then why am I breaking?

I picked up the habit of smoking 2 weeks ago. I know it's bad. I know the exact science behind how it's bad. But, a minute of mild relaxation it gives is one of the only things keeping me.

It's been more than a month since that incident. I thought they were just angry at me which is totally justifiable but, it was much more. The whole house has started ignoring me, if I ever do something to get noticed like, when I was giving father a check which had the first of the money I earned in my life from streaming my game-plays, he just simply looked at me in annoyance and walk away.

Mother spoke a few words when she sometimes bought food for me but, that was all.

My little brother would sometimes look in my direction but, would always walk away sighing if I notice him.

I also have a younger sister along with my little brother with me being the eldest of the two. She and I never got along. I was a lonely disgusting weeb while she lived like a queen. She's making no attempts to hide the fact: she's enjoying it. Probably a sight she always wanted to see for who knows how long.

It's not those taunts or scornful looks that are getting to me, it's that silent disregard of my existence that is pushing me to the edge. Every day feels painfully long. I haven't touch anime for a month now. I tried once but, the chaos in my mind went so out of control that it took all I had to not to puke.

It's the first time I got out of home…'if I can still it home'… in the last month. That place has become so suffocating that I have no words to describe it.

"And whose fault is that…?" I hear it in my mind. Whatever calming effect those cigarettes had on me vanishes right then and there. All the chaos…the negativity that I was so desperately trying to keep suppressed, explodes. The little fairy I called my best friend has turned into a demon since last month. It was like the teddy bear I hugged to sleep has suddenly grown sharp fangs in middle of the night. The eyes that looked gentle and harmless glowed blood-red with hatred.

This feeling of betrayal is eating me alive.

Every day…every moment she would whisper horrible things in my mind. Maybe she just represents my self-loathing?

[ Even she has given up on me. My only friend has given up on me. What's worse is that: she is right. ]

Then suddenly….

My throat feels as if pebbles are stuck in it. My head gets dizzy. All my thoughts comes to halt. My eyes wide open. I hear no sound in my ears. Everything freezes.

My body out of my control slides off the railing. Like it was instinct or a reflex action.

[ What have I done!?! ]

Was the first thought that comes to my mind.

When I came here, I didn't come here with any such suicidal thoughts in my mind. All I wanted was some fresh air. Apparently it takes a lot of guts to actually jump off, I'm not sure if I have it.

Gravity is pulling me with full force towards the ground below. I watch in horror as the railing I was sitting on gets further and further with each passing second.

[ No! This can't happen! ]

"Really? May be it's for the best…no one likes you anymore…no one wants you anymore. Your existence in itself has become worthless. If you're not to be blamed for this then who…? Reality may be? But, in any event…you're no longer needed, you serve no purpose. It's better that you stopped existing. Not even the ones gave birth to you wants you around, and you know it!"

[ SHUT UP!! You're wrong! ]

"Am I?"

Everything goes black. I feeling nothing…nothing at all. I feel no chaos plaguing my mind. I feel like I'm sleeping but I see no nightmares.

Have I died? Someone please say; no you're not dead…

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Name: Argus Hale (Hale means 'Hero; from the hall'. Argus's Father named him as: Argus, A Hero from the hall of heroes)

Age: 22

Height: 5'9

Hair color: Dark Silver

Eye Color: Ashen Grey

Current status: Dead

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My closed eyes open from the bright light that has been shinning in front of me. Slowly opening them the first thing that I see is a bright white glittering silhouette standing right in front of me. Although it was glowing brightly but I was able to gaze upon it just fine.

I am strangely calm.

A moment of silence descends. Both of us sizing each other up. I was able to make out that the silhouette before me is that of a man's.

May be I've gotten sensitive to 'annoyance' but, I can feel that he is annoyed at me for some reason.

A deep voice resonates from the silhouette, "Do you know where you are?"

I wasn't in the best of my moods, "No idea…please tell me I somehow survived and I'm in a hospital"

"Does this resemble a hospital to you?"

I take a look around only to see endless darkness.

"For all I know I could be dreaming…this being a nightmare and you're an evil tooth fairy here to steal all my teeth."

I can swear, I heard him whispering, "This insolent brat…."

"Okay Argus… I'll get straight to the point. You're dead. And I'm not here to pass any judgment on you… I have a feeling, you're smart enough to figure out the rest of the deal."

It was indeed as he said, I know exactly where this is going but, I did not feel the emotions I thought I would feel. It took a few minutes to register the fact that I'm dead.

[ Now I'll never have the chance to make things right…I'm dead now. I'm sure they would've found my body by now…No! Don't I get to have wishes! I can just wish resurrection! ]

"Resurrect me! Please! That's all I want!" that's the only wish I could think of. Dying and coming here in a sense has given me perspective. So what if thing are the way they are now. We're a family! We'll figure things out. It may take time, it may take a colossal amount of hard work and effort but, I'll do it! Just one more chance, that's all I need.

"That will not happen…"

"What?!? Why! Aren't you god or something! Can't you do everything and anything?"

"Yes boy, I can. I just simply do not want to resurrect you…And please realize that I'm under no obligation to grant you anything. So, you either take what I'm willing to offer or I move on to someone else. After all, there are too many worlds to count."

All I could do girth my teeth in frustration. He's right, he is not obliged to do anything nor am I someone special. So basically, the wishes he'll give me cannot be anything expensive, and he will reincarnate me into a different world. But, I have to do something about my family, there's no way I can let things be.

Among all that, a question comes to my mind that I couldn't help but ask, "Why me, then?"

"Heh…well you see…"