Dohdohs
Ugh... This is stupid. Has a photographic mind but does not use it. (Knows he has super strength but always forgets about it) Is one of the best CIA agent but tells the first person he meet all his secrets. I mean, this would've been more interesting if there were no background story at all because it's basically useless and unnecessary. He acts like your average otaku with martial arts training. Who in the right mind would think that a person with photgraphic mind, experience as a SEAL, and experience as an undercover agent would do half the stupid sh*t he's done since he got there. Going to a town wearing clothes like Neo even though it's weird as f*ck to wear something like that to a town in a tropic place. Killing tens to hundreds of people by throwing a stone to an inn while having super strength (He keeps forgetting he has it even though he has a photographic mind) Traumatized a would be r*pe victim by killing someone into splatter in front of her thereby coating her with the blood and guts. Forgetting that he has super strength even though he has a photgraphic mind. Panics after killing someone. F*cking someone who is basically drugged by your natural aphrodisiac (that is basically r*pe) Telling someone you barely know everything about you without thinking of consequence. Erasing her memory and acting like nothing has happened. Seriously! This guy is a psychopath. A stupid psychopath but psychopath nonetheless.
Not going to flame you are anything just the mc should be a high schooler with average on everything the only reason I'm saying this is because the mc is suppose to be smart and mature yet he is not dumb per say but he is inexperienced and not very CIA material lol anyway your writing is good just make sure he has CONSTANT VIGILANCE lol
MC is supposed to be a CIA agent but acts like a teenager he said "Holy "Shit" ,"Shit" more times than normal conversation in 2nd chapter he is supposed to be a good guy but blew up a whole inn which killed who knows how many people and thinks nothing of it dude your character background and personality doesn't match it's total crap
First, I thank you for making a fanfic. It's not a new idea but I can still see your passion and individuality, how you use it differently from other. The things you got to improve is your grammar. Then the character itself(You give him bad @ss background with epic death yet he turn dumb in earthland. It's like, 'WTF mate? Aren't you an elite SEAL? Why did you do such foolish stuff??!! And you turn into manwhore?? '.. ) You should read more, I don't mean you didn't read. What I mean is for you to see how each author put their imagination into words. How they translate it from idea into readable material. Then compare note with other author, maybe in discord? And the story flow, that's important so when reader read it, the plot is smooth flowing from A to B.. Good job. Keep going..
I read this novel expecting a genius trained agent transported to Fairy Tail world but all I see from the Mc in the 9 chapters I read so far is that the MC is acting like an idiot without any common sense. If the MC is an average naive highschool student or something similar sure the 9 chapters I read before making this review probably make sense.
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