Reviews of A powerful Yokai in DXD
A powerful Yokai in DXD
Rias_in_my_heart
- Overall Rate
- Writing Quality
- Updating Stability
- Story Development
- Character Design
- world background
The story is good, however the way it set up and where it most likely go is bad. What i mean is from what I'm reading so far, the story would be bad, a real ****. -I don't really have a problem with spelling, but the grammar is bad as well as the shift of PoV suddenly make it confusing. Writing quality is 3/5 -The update is really good. Stability updates is 4/5 -The story is different from any fanfic because the mc is a yokai, but its like any other fanfic, other character's personality are shallow, they basically become a yes-men. Character development 2/5 Story development is 3/5 -Its a fanfic that is kinda a crossover, but didn't explore the world much. World background 3/5 Over all: -Writing quality is 3/5 -Stability updates is 4/5 -story development is 3/5 -character design is 2/5 -world background is 3/5
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Ill be frank. Your story is Cringeworthy with poor execution. Here. I copy paste this because im tired of repeating my words. Rational self inserts are well-written self inserts solely because they don't break reader's immersion. You self-insert yourself into the SI fanfic imagining what would you do in the self-insert's shoes. They need to be realistic. We need to be realistic. Think about it. You are reading a story where a guy is reincarnated/transmigrated to a foreign universe and the first thing they do is freak out. That's good. That is a normal human reaction from getting cosmically kidnapped from one world to another, especially a fantasy world you read manga about. But the next thing they do defines whether the self insert fanfic is rational or not, or I would like to say whether the fanfic is well-written or wish fulfilment trash. Does the self insert... Have fun carelessly exploring and trying out their new magical powers? Plan on meeting and befriending the canon characters? Instantly befriend the main canon characters through their apparent godlike social skills? Easily create a harem with their reincarnated good looks or otherworldly transmigrated visage? Instantly become a genius in the mystical arts without no hard training whatsoever? Constantly allude to knowledge and idiom they should not have and better yet, with the canon characters not questioning, calling out, or noticing this strange behavior? Save someone that they know is going to die if they don't do anything without thinking of the butterflied consequences? Congratulations. If the self insert fanfic you are reading answers yes to one or two of the following questions the SI you are reading is not rational. It's wish fulfilment trash. The next realistic and rational thing the self insert should do is Survive. The self insert should plan and secure their survival. This is their new life now. This is our new life now. This is not a game or one of the mangas we read pre-insert. The fiction you and the self insert read is now reality and we should treat it as such. If the SI was reincarnated, they don't have to worry as much compared to being inexplicably transmigrated. They have no identity, money, and shelter so they better be taking their situation seriously. It is after-all, our new life now. And if the SI got where they were by a ROB(random omnipotent being), I wouldn't be reading that Self-insert fanfic anyway because ROBs are trash and they ruin stories. In conclusion. Don't haste your story and don't force their emotions. Your MC supposed to prioritise hislife rather than to stick his dick on some whore of a demon.
Interestingly, he has almost the same feeling as the other fanfic of an author, who left him or died with covi19 xD, yasaka would be a good main wife. - Leviana Reni from "Slash Dogs". - tiamat. - "leviatans ingliv". -kuroka. -Gabriel. -grayfia. -amaterasu. -rosewallse. etc. keep it up I like the path you take. ----------------------- just don't send it to another world. as an author did, because once he did he did not know how to continue.
Reading this I had to tell myself the writing would get better but boy was that nothing but wishful thinking... The story was fine. The characters were fine too. But goddamn, was it so difficult to use an app or get someone to help with the grammar mistakes. If it isn't your main language, you get a slight pass but there are ways to easily avoid these issues. For example, find someone who could teach you, or just use an app like grammarly and pray for the best, or get someone to edit it for you. Part of the issue was there wasn't a lot of people complaining about it, guess their used to it. But for me, this was more atrocious then most MTL's...
I never really read a Yokai version of DxD. This one is pretty good so far. I can't wait to see how the other major three factions react to this MC. Kill MC or make him the Dragon he is meant to be. In a way he too is a Yokai, especially since he can convert parts of his body to a dragon and even later the gets a body combined from Great Red and Ophis after his human body is destroyed..... It would be interesting to see what MC's blood would do to that kind of body. I want to see Riser, Duel and Die at MC's hand. Can't wait for that to happen. Keep up the good work.
