A: I'm on a whiskey diet. B: I've lost three days already.
A man walked into a library and asked for a burger. The librarian said, 'This is a library.' The man whispered, 'Sorry. Can I have a burger?' Another one: A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store.
I woke up to find a handprint on my window. I live on the 15th floor.
The first one: I woke up in the middle of the night. When I looked at the foot of my bed, there was a shadowy figure smiling at me. Another: I heard a strange noise outside my window. I peeked out and saw a pair of glowing eyes staring back at me.
Joke: What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot. As for a two - sentence funny story: A man tried to catch some fog. He mist. Another one could be: A book just fell on my head. I've only got my shelf to blame.
I opened the fridge. A severed hand waved at me from the vegetable drawer.
First sentence: The old doll on the shelf blinked. Second sentence: Then it started to crawl towards me with its broken porcelain limbs.
A man goes to the doctor. He says, 'Doctor, I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.' The doctor replies, 'Have you seen a ophthalmologist?' The man says, 'No, just spots.'
A snail got robbed. The police asked, 'Did you get a look at the assailant?' The snail said, 'No, it all happened so fast.' For the second one, a bee went to the hairdresser. The hairdresser asked, 'How do you want your hair?' The bee said, 'Just make it look like a wasp, please.'
A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store.
The vampire tried to bite me but his fangs got stuck in his cape. He just stood there looking silly.