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NippleGod
NippleGodLv155yr
2018-11-17 20:56

Not enough world back ground I feel like this is a mix of full metal alchemist world with the seven deadly sins homunculus but there called the seven nightmares. .... many stolen names and ideas from other famous creators shows that you could have just made up yourself to save the trouble. Literally have one punch man written word for word in your novel bro that’s just plain stealing. Forced plot of moving from one organization to another to fast no consistent power scaling literally everyone is at the same power level. Trash mc being put through so much stressed to further your plot cause you don’t know how to write a story just about him. Too many full metal alchemist rip offs what was the point of having all his arms and legs ripped off bro do you know what phantom limb pain does to you I don’t care how strong. A rapper is you should be going through something when you forcibly get your limb cut off. Dad forced to die Cause no one orginization can keep him safe for long. My advice to you is stop stealing sit down for a second and make your own story bro cause I’ve read it somewhere else

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SnoozySloth
SnoozySlothAuthor

This is the worst review that's ever been written for my story, and honestly it's insulting. My novel doesn't have even the slightest relation to the 7 sins beyond a single esper's power being nicknamed after it. The 7 nightmares correlate to the 7 elements, none of which are related to the concepts of sins. The fact that you've made the correlation means either you're skimming the story or reading into things that aren't even there. Tama Sai is the only parody character in the entire novel, and he isn't even similar to the original besides looks and an early joke. His character is explored more in later chapters. The vast majority of my characters, world, etc. are unique. Plenty of characters take partial inspiration from other works, but that's completely normal in writing. Everyone takes ideas from things they've read/watched in the past, and no ideas are truly 100% original. The only accurate thing in this review is that: 1. My pacing is too fast in the early chapters (which I've admitted to multiple times. I don't really perfect pacing until around chapter 20) 2. Some plot devices being used to force the story along in the early chapters. Such as the dad thing. This could've been done better, and I've improved a lot since then. 3. MC is similar to Edward Elric only in his power being similar in the early chapters and that he is missing a limb(limbs later on). His combat style is nothing like Elric, nor are his powers even capable of letting him fight like Elric. His personality is super different. Especially as we dive into his character more deeply in later chapters. He's far more comparable to Leylin from WMW than Ed Elric. Also, Ed is my namename. MC was named after myself for the record.

SnoozySloth
SnoozySlothAuthor

Thanks for reading as far as you did and leaving a review though. Still, I'm not really sure how you enjoy much of anything with how easily you consider things as 'taken' from other works. You can easily eliminate 90% of all CN novels as cultivation rip offs of each other then. Anything with an evil mage MC is going to be a ripoff of WMW, which itself was ripoff of another novel to begin with.

NippleGod
NippleGodLv15

I’ve been reading longer than you been writing I can tell I’ve been reading manga since I got my first computer in 2007 I’ve been reading light novels and web novels since high school to know that most of you original authors can’t write good ****. I try to be nice and tell you where you need help but when I see too much similarities with other shows manga and web novels it makes it seem like your just copying and pasting other scenarios from other show and using forced plot to drive the story. None of it is original. I advise you to read the dark king. It’s a book very similar to your own regarding various organizations taking the mc from one place to the other. I recommend you read a few good story driven horror web novels to really show how being in a apocalyptic world can wear on your emotions. And you just need to after I say this stop letting everyone in the comment section tell you how you story should go it’s your idea run it to the ground. Don’t let commenters **** it up as you go along listening to there pleighs and I know I’m one of them. World building there is none literally you had a apocalyptic world and let it go by just putting various cities over cities that use to be new your Miami those places are not that close so why did use those as the only cities you have in your story. Why is a recruiter going to London to get a princess from another country to be in a high school to learn about her powers. Her government doesn’t have a esper branch or do you just have a union government around the world. Better explain your novel

SnoozySloth:Thanks for reading as far as you did and leaving a review though. Still, I'm not really sure how you enjoy much of anything with how easily you consider things as 'taken' from other works. You can easily eliminate 90% of all CN novels as cultivation rip offs of each other then. Anything with an evil mage MC is going to be a ripoff of WMW, which itself was ripoff of another novel to begin with.
NippleGod
NippleGodLv15

I understand that but the thing is those novels flow better than yours that doesn’t have the right dimensions and writing strength same thing I told the guy writing the godking book but he’s a bit better than you on being more creative and orginal

SnoozySloth:Thanks for reading as far as you did and leaving a review though. Still, I'm not really sure how you enjoy much of anything with how easily you consider things as 'taken' from other works. You can easily eliminate 90% of all CN novels as cultivation rip offs of each other then. Anything with an evil mage MC is going to be a ripoff of WMW, which itself was ripoff of another novel to begin with.
SnoozySloth
SnoozySlothAuthor

Miami still exists in my novel's world, as do many other real-life cities. They're extremely important in volume 2. The reasons behind the princess being recruited is explained later, and is largely related to the current state of Europe in the world. I don't dump everything at once, and instead introduce things over time. By the current point in the story, the MC has certain understandings about other US states, other cities in FL, and the general situation of Europe and China. I've been reading a lot longer than you have, and I've already read Dark King. It's one of my favorites. Many readers like to point out the similarities to it, especially in Volume 2 around chapters 38 - 43. I won't deny that my early chapters have similarities to many works, and that the pacing on them is way too fast. I'm a new author and I make mistakes. So I'll completely agree my early chapters need work there. I actually do plan to reedit them next month and hopefully improve them a lot. But I guarantee my story is one of the most original on this entire site as you keep going. I slowly craft a world that is very different than any other novel I've read on this site (and I've literally read hundreds). I also improve the MC a lot, making the character much more likeable and MC-like. Many works are similar in the beginning before branching out and doing their own thing. But let's just judge the first 17 chapters since that's what you reviewed, and compare them to the original works you mention. 1. Compared the world to Fullmetal Alchemist (Which I love by the way). Honestly, the world isn't very similar. FMA isn't steampunk (which I admittedly need to improve on). People in FMA all use alchemy, which acts on the concept of equivalent exchange. None of that is in my novel. My book only has two similarities to it. Which are my MC being able to melt/reshape things, and the metal arm. Even his combat style is completely different. He uses a steam cannon in early chapters. His powers are too slow to use spikes and such like Edward Elric does. Spoiler, but in just a few chapters he starts researching and creates mana-battery powered limbs, which allow him to use different elements. This is his primary combat style, and it continues to evolve later in the story. 2. Seven sins vs seven nightmares. As already explained, nothing in my novel is related to sin. 3. Trash MC being put through too much stress for the forced plot. I admit this. You're 100% right on this point. I rushed it and forced things here. I'm hoping I'll be able to edit these chapters to improve them next month when I have time. May be hard to do though since they already drive the story so much. 4. One Punch Man. If it wasn't for the name, joke, and looks, then you would never know he was a One Punch Man reference. He started out as a parody character, but neither his powers or personality are similar to the original. This character is actually very fun to explore later on as we dive into the darker sides of the "World's hero" and his bad family relationships.

NippleGod:I understand that but the thing is those novels flow better than yours that doesn’t have the right dimensions and writing strength same thing I told the guy writing the godking book but he’s a bit better than you on being more creative and orginal
Sondre
SondreLv13

After reading all this. I'll just put this novel on hold untill the first 18-20 chapters are fixed. Good luck though.

KunPengx
KunPengxLv5

Man why are you trying to state that you know better because you have read Mangas for 11 years. Most of the people on this site probably have more experience than you. Also, why is he copying fma because his character has a metal arm, which has been done way before fma. Also, saying he is similar to cyborg is more accurate. Saitama, is also a parody character based on people like superman. At least he admits it's a parody character by making the name similar. Also, the character has a better explanation of his power than OPM. Another thing there is no such thing as original content, everything is influenced by some other work, even original concepts were created based on real world inspirations. You can't gain something from nothing, also if you read comics you realize how impossible it is go come up with original powers. Every single power we see in the current Mangas is usually inspired from marvel or DC comics. Name 10 Mangas or lns that are completely original works with unique powers not related to anything we have seen before them. Don't say fma we all know how original it is :D. It's okay to leave negative criticism but don't attack people for their effort, you also expect the author to reveal the whole plot for characters being introduced. If that was true then there would be no character development.

NippleGod:I’ve been reading longer than you been writing I can tell I’ve been reading manga since I got my first computer in 2007 I’ve been reading light novels and web novels since high school to know that most of you original authors can’t write good ****. I try to be nice and tell you where you need help but when I see too much similarities with other shows manga and web novels it makes it seem like your just copying and pasting other scenarios from other show and using forced plot to drive the story. None of it is original. I advise you to read the dark king. It’s a book very similar to your own regarding various organizations taking the mc from one place to the other. I recommend you read a few good story driven horror web novels to really show how being in a apocalyptic world can wear on your emotions. And you just need to after I say this stop letting everyone in the comment section tell you how you story should go it’s your idea run it to the ground. Don’t let commenters **** it up as you go along listening to there pleighs and I know I’m one of them. World building there is none literally you had a apocalyptic world and let it go by just putting various cities over cities that use to be new your Miami those places are not that close so why did use those as the only cities you have in your story. Why is a recruiter going to London to get a princess from another country to be in a high school to learn about her powers. Her government doesn’t have a esper branch or do you just have a union government around the world. Better explain your novel
NippleGod
NippleGodLv15

There is no character development. Sit your ads up trying to defend a trash story and main character all I said was valid. You don’t get what I’m saying you can be original in your story but have it relate to other works before it. I was into it for like two chapters till the fast pace came about the first trash asss ten chapters of seemingly useless plot

KunPengx:Man why are you trying to state that you know better because you have read Mangas for 11 years. Most of the people on this site probably have more experience than you. Also, why is he copying fma because his character has a metal arm, which has been done way before fma. Also, saying he is similar to cyborg is more accurate. Saitama, is also a parody character based on people like superman. At least he admits it's a parody character by making the name similar. Also, the character has a better explanation of his power than OPM. Another thing there is no such thing as original content, everything is influenced by some other work, even original concepts were created based on real world inspirations. You can't gain something from nothing, also if you read comics you realize how impossible it is go come up with original powers. Every single power we see in the current Mangas is usually inspired from marvel or DC comics. Name 10 Mangas or lns that are completely original works with unique powers not related to anything we have seen before them. Don't say fma we all know how original it is :D. It's okay to leave negative criticism but don't attack people for their effort, you also expect the author to reveal the whole plot for characters being introduced. If that was true then there would be no character development.
NippleGod
NippleGodLv15

Honestly I see your favorite novel is the dark king literally this boom the author is writing is what dark king did in 500 chapters being done in 15 with no real connection for the reader to grasp on

KunPengx:Man why are you trying to state that you know better because you have read Mangas for 11 years. Most of the people on this site probably have more experience than you. Also, why is he copying fma because his character has a metal arm, which has been done way before fma. Also, saying he is similar to cyborg is more accurate. Saitama, is also a parody character based on people like superman. At least he admits it's a parody character by making the name similar. Also, the character has a better explanation of his power than OPM. Another thing there is no such thing as original content, everything is influenced by some other work, even original concepts were created based on real world inspirations. You can't gain something from nothing, also if you read comics you realize how impossible it is go come up with original powers. Every single power we see in the current Mangas is usually inspired from marvel or DC comics. Name 10 Mangas or lns that are completely original works with unique powers not related to anything we have seen before them. Don't say fma we all know how original it is :D. It's okay to leave negative criticism but don't attack people for their effort, you also expect the author to reveal the whole plot for characters being introduced. If that was true then there would be no character development.
KunPengx
KunPengxLv5

Again you read like 15 chapters which everyone understands are not properly done, also I do love the dark king but the later chapters of this story are nowhere like the dark king. There is a lot of character development as the Mc starts understanding the world. You legit read like 20 chapters and started whining about it, please do write an original novel let's see how original it is.

NippleGod:There is no character development. Sit your ads up trying to defend a trash story and main character all I said was valid. You don’t get what I’m saying you can be original in your story but have it relate to other works before it. I was into it for like two chapters till the fast pace came about the first trash asss ten chapters of seemingly useless plot
Oniichan_Thickskin
Oniichan_ThickskinLv13

lol the burn on this one is real.

KunPengx:Again you read like 15 chapters which everyone understands are not properly done, also I do love the dark king but the later chapters of this story are nowhere like the dark king. There is a lot of character development as the Mc starts understanding the world. You legit read like 20 chapters and started whining about it, please do write an original novel let's see how original it is.
Theodoric
TheodoricLv5

Old comm, but I still need to say: Why the heck do you think makes you right and everyone else wrong? I mean I didn't read many mangas not watched too many animes but I can smell a cliche or a overused thematics a kilometer away. And I'm gonna tell ya, as an author, you dude need to chill down. I am aware that this novel is prob dropped, and I am aware that this is an old thread but idc. This novel is like a holy book to me, it made me start writing. If I ever finish my works, I invite you to read them and dig out every single place I plagiarised other works. Second expansion is a complete ripoff from everything I've ever read seen or heard ya know. But. All that with a touch of my style. Same as everyone. Impossible to make something completely new that nobody else thought of a day before you. There 7 fuckin billion people on this poor planet, everyone with a brain of their own. I find this author quite interesting indeed. And I don't care what a random fella has to say bout it. This is democracy and you've been beaten I believe. Why spit on him? Did he rape your dog? Did he insult you? It's absolutely not ok to go around telling people that they copied others and are talentless. It's bad and immoral. Makes you look like a villain. And did you write that novel that you've been challenged to write?😈

Ender_Slayer
Ender_SlayerLv2

Man this is a great story and draws some from other story's but I mean it stops at similarity's. Are you the kinda guy who calls someone out on having a nose that kinda looks like Brad Pit's and call them ugly because of the similarity? Do you kick the **** out of a different person's dog because it looks like yours? Should I beat the **** out of you because you look like your dad? You gene copying piece of ****. Man this is a GREAT story if you can't enjoy it screw you and fight me, I'll beat you till' you look like the opposite ethnicity then chop off your dick for raping my eyes with this **** post on a perfectly good story, then I'll throw you to the fucking dogs like the worthless piece of meat you waste space to be. Long story short Fuck you and if you have a problem fight me you spineless piece of ****.

NippleGod
NippleGodLv15

Your saying a lot of **** for a pussy why are you talking about fighting me over ea review but if you want to fight you really can I’ll knock your stupid ass out right now. You just made a a bunch of assumptions about me in a comment based on my review ***** gtf out of my review you grade A pussy I said what I said.

Ender_Slayer:Man this is a great story and draws some from other story's but I mean it stops at similarity's. Are you the kinda guy who calls someone out on having a nose that kinda looks like Brad Pit's and call them ugly because of the similarity? Do you kick the **** out of a different person's dog because it looks like yours? Should I beat the **** out of you because you look like your dad? You gene copying piece of ****. Man this is a GREAT story if you can't enjoy it screw you and fight me, I'll beat you till' you look like the opposite ethnicity then chop off your dick for raping my eyes with this **** post on a perfectly good story, then I'll throw you to the fucking dogs like the worthless piece of meat you waste space to be. Long story short Fuck you and if you have a problem fight me you spineless piece of ****.
Other Reviews
LordDaoThief
LordDaoThiefLv15

Man, let me tell you something man, let me tell you something man! Snoozy is a phenomenal writer! This is his first book so some people didn’t like the beginning by the way he has grown and progressed with his story telling and world building, they way the Ed our MC has developed its simply mind blowing! There is development of the Ed’s character, mentality and ambition; as well as his powers. The research done into other cultures as well with the combination of western and eastern concepts along with the authors own ideas, they form this expertly crafted story! I don’t want to spoil anything but all I can say is our MC has neutral mindset maybe chaotic neutral mean he will help others but he also will see through his goals and ambitions if it means ignoring someone’s plight, using others or putting himself in harms way. Ed is really OP he’s above average at best where we stand but he’s unmatched in his ability to plot and see plans coming to fruition. The best thing you can do is add this to your library and just read it yourself, don’t take my opinion on anything other than stick through the beginning as this was his first work! He has another book as well that people love I haven’t read it yet but I will, even with it being on hiatus and him wanting to rework it, because he is just that good at drawing you In and i would love to see how he developed with that one as well as when he reworks it how he mad it that much better. I guess I kinda review both but he is great and the story is great! You still reading this? Why?! You should be reading the story at this point! Can’t Wait to see you in the comments of the newer chapter leave me reply to my comments and let me know if I got you started lol

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