My own heart

After I argue with Pen, I still go to see Lord Granville, although a little deflated and still angry at the words my sister has said to me. I do not worry of what she shall do, she does not mean what she says and I am sure of it. But I must remember to reconcile with her tomorrow morning when I return home. I am surprised to see Benedict is there, and unlike previous nights that Henry has told me of, he is in the art studio. "Oh, is that Mr Benedict Bridgerton, soon to be husband of the beautiful and talented and artistic Miss Peaches Featherington?" I grin and sit by the side of him. "Those were your own words and not mine."

"And I meant all of them." One hand rests on my waist and the other moves a stray strand of hair from getting in his way as he kisses my lips and smiles. "I think that was rather a success, do you not? Although Anthony does not deem it so, he has been extremely angry with me this evening. Hence why I made a quick escape."

"Why is it that he despises me so?" I lean myself against his chest, careful to ensure that I do not stick any elbows or hands into sensitive spots, my head on his shoulder. "I do not recall having done anything that should have offended him so much. I do not know at all what it is I have done to cause such... hatred."

"I think there is a large mixture of reasons, beginning with Anthony being an awful human being." He traces along the outline of my face, beginning his finger at the tip of my nose and moving across the bridge and then in a circle around my face. "He does not like that you know of his affair with Siena. It makes him feel threatened, he does not like anyone knowing of it. He thinks that with your mother being who she is, that you should not be trusted with any such information. I have told him time and time again that you are not hour mother and does he really think I should marry someone such as your mother, but he does not listen. He thinks that your mother has some kind of... grand scheme. That she is attempting to marry all of her children off to Bridgertons... I do not know, I do not recall what his reasoning was, it was outrageous. And then he supposed you were with child and forcing me into a marriage, and then he believed that you are some evil hedonist attempting to tempt me into your world of art and... whatever else. I have told him that is all unreasonable but he shall not listen to me."

"Well, thank you anyway for trying. He is a stubborn man. I shall have to prove I am worthy woman for Benedict Bridgerton." I bat his hand away as it moves to pinch my cheeks, shaking my head a little. "Although my mother does have a grand scheme. I must tell you of it, I thought to earlier but then I did not get a chance. You must not allow Colin to marry Marina."

"Whyever not, dearest?"

"Marina is with child already, from a lord or someone back home from her farm. He does not wish to have anything to do with the child and so she hopes that she shall be able to marry Colin and convince him it is his own. She thinks Colin is foolish enough to believe so."

"Colin certainly is foolish enough to believe so." He gives me a sad smile, running a hand through the back of my hair, his palms a little cold on the back of my neck. "I do wish you had told me sooner. It shall be difficult to end the engagement now that it has begun... I shall have to tell Anthony, I suppose. Goodness, I shall actually have to have a conversation with Anthony. That is not something I should wish on my worst enemies."

"I know. I should have said something sooner but well, I was not talking to you and you were here sleeping with my friends-" I realise what I have said, shaking my head a little. "I am sorry. Lord Granville mentioned you had been here and what you had been doing here. I have been trying not to mention it and I did not really mean to then."

"Ah. Yes. Well. I... I came here one night thinking you should be here and you were not. I perhaps drank some more than I should and found myself involved in things I maybe should not have been involved in. And I did continue to come back. I told you I had not left the house and that was not the truth. You are irritated by that?"

"No, I am not. I was. But I spoke of it with Lord Granville and he said there should be no reason for me to talk of it with you, I must forgive and forget. It seems I have forgiven and yet my brain wishes to insert it into conversations." I force a smile, putting my hand on his chest and allowing myself to sigh. "It does not matter now."

"It does not if you insist so. Are you aware of what does in fact matter, however?"

"What is it?"

"You do. All of you does. I should be very happy indeed if you should let me well... repeat what we used to do on that settee all those weeks ago." At this moment, he moves his hand from the back of my neck to rest across the front of my chest. He engages me with a kiss, his other hand tangling through my hair so that he may hold my face, attempting to unfasten my dress whilst doing so. "I do hate these things."

"I did not put on a bodice this evening so at least you shall not have to wrangle with that!"

"A woman after my own heart."